


Chew Toy

by chewtoy



Category: Original Work
Genre: A/B/O, Also my first novel-length work??, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt not much comfort, I wrote this when I was 15, If you can smell the homeschooling, Like I was repressing some HEAVY trauma at the time lol, M/M, Multi, Neglect, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Other, Pack Dynamics, Perspective Switching, Repressed Memories, Shapeshifters - Freeform, Shifters, Some level of emotional growth maybe, Trauma, Weird flower sniffing, Werewolf Bonds, Werewolves, children living together with no adult presence, feel free to click away, lol, oatmeal, thought sharing / mind reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-05-31 17:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 69,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewtoy/pseuds/chewtoy
Summary: Alpha Vrees finds out the girl he's been bullying and abusing, Omega Rose, is his mate. They try to work things out, but she is heavily traumatized and cannot look at him without trembling. But if he loves her, shouldn't he let her go? This is the story of how Rose finds her strength, slowly, and over time.I post regularly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As it says in the tags, I wrote this in my Sophomore year of highschool. I was a bad writer, I was fifteen, and I had just come out of a childhood of severe neglect paired with homeschooling. I was suppressing trauma and I knew nothing about the world. A lot of that comes out in the piece.
> 
> For some reason, I wrote a 70,000 word werewolf story. I wanted to document that. (Note also how my username was an homage to the admittedly shitty title lol) It gets better as the story goes on, (and for some reason the chapters get increasingly longer) but don't expect leaps and bounds of artistic finesse.

When he hit me, I cried. I knew that he would hurt me worse if I did, but I cried anyway. It hurt too much to bear the blows in silence. It hurt too much. The sound of my pain angered him even more than he already was. I didn’t know why, he was the one doing this to me, but he never liked to be reminded of that fact. He confused me. I knew that he reveled in beating me, but he would go into a rage if anyone reminded him. I knew that I hated him.

He decided that I’d had enough, and he pulled his lackeys off of me. They were over-zealous in their persecution of me, as was he, but he always seemed to know when I’d had enough. He always seemed to know exactly when beating me turned to really injuring me. He knew how to walk to line of my pain and injury perfectly, so that I was always there to play with again when he wanted. After all, I was his favorite chew toy. Beating me was how he released stress, I assumed. That was one of the reasons that I hated him so much, the sadistic bastard.

The four of them stood above my cowering figure. There was Derek, the big brute and thug of the group who hit me for no other reason than good fun. He had dark hair and light-blue eyes, but his face was so screwed up from boxing that he was far from handsome.

Then Snipe, the short, skinny, weasel-faced coward, who liked to hurt me because it made him feel better about how his dad abused him. He had very dark blonde hair, tan skin, and brown eyes.

After that, there was Alita, the mean girl who was pudgy, but with less-than-average height. She always had the same bored expression in her hazel eyes. She also had pasty skin and perfect blonde hair. I didn’t know quite why she liked to beat the shit out of me, but I guessed that it was because she thought of me as prettier. Girls are weird.

I stared up at the only one who really mattered, Vrees. The tallest boy after Derek, and the one in charge of the whole gang. He was the one that I hated. He was the one who thought it would be fun to attack me the first time, and times after that. I stared at him, not with defiance, or with submission, but with a wary questioning look. I was asking him if he was going to leave me alone now that he and his gang had had their fun. I was asking him not to tie me up or throw me in a dumpster somewhere, for me to get free of, and then slink home dejectedly.

The Pairing ceremony was tomorrow, and I didn’t want to have to spend two hours getting garbage juices off of me. I begged him with my eyes, but I knew he didn’t care. In the end, the only thing that would matter would be whether it would be more convenient for him.

“Go on, shoo,” he sneered at me, his eyes full of disgust. “That’s right, I said scram!” Success! I scrambled to my shaky feet and scurried off as quickly as possible without tripping over my own feet from dizziness.

Alina called out after me, “And take a bath before tomorrow! You wouldn’t want your mate to faint from the smell!” They all hooted with laughter as my, already healing, but still bloody, face ducked around the alleyway corner. As soon as I was out of sight, I dropped any and all pretenses and broke into a run.


	2. Rose’s POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn I used a lot of shitty tropes.

I pull the braids in my newly washed black hair tight, and put a hair tie around it. I stood in front of the mirror, something that I didn’t normally do. The reason that I didn’t normally look in the mirror was because I knew that I was not pretty. At least, that’s what everyone said. Looking at my reflection, my black hair in two tight braids, my sun tanned skin, and my slim body from malnourishment, I thought that I looked fairly decent. I didn’t really see what everyone was talking about, but maybe it was just that I didn’t know what pretty was supposed to look like. Sighing, I flipped the mirror around again, so it was facing the wall.

I looked around my tiny room. It wasn’t really a room, as such, more of a cupboard. The bed took up most of the space. The dresser took up the rest of it. If you fit two people sitting on the bed, then you could maybe put three people in the room. That was, if you didn’t mind violating a lot of personal space.

I sighed, I had some time before I had to get up. There was no school today. The way that the elders figured it, kids in school would be too distracted because of Pairings to actually learn anything. They were probably right, but I didn’t know. I didn’t really know how kids my age normally thought. I didn’t have any friends as examples.

When I heard thudding above me, I knew that the rest of the pack was coming downstairs, and I also knew that my time was up. Despite not being a true Omega, the whole pack treated me as such. So if I didn’t go and make them breakfast before they got too hungry, they would probably beat me. I hoped that they wouldn’t today. With Pairings happening, I figured that they would be too busy prettying themselves up, and I didn’t think that they would bother with me. But even so, bruises healed fast for a werewolf, but not that fast. I scurried out of my cupboard under the stairs, and into the kitchen.

“Hurry up and make us some food, Omega.” Tony said, mocking. The five kids downstairs all snickered at the offensive title. Stephanie tripped me as I walked past her and I fell to my hands and knees, and a few of them burst out with laughter. Regaining my nonexistent dignity, I stood up and went to the fridge.

As I was cooking them all waffles (at their request) the rest of the pack filed downstairs. That is, the people who lived here did. In this pack, the Dark Light pack, once you reached thirteen, you were moved from the nursery to the young adult pack house. There were four pack houses, the nursery, the young adult house, the adult house, and the elder house. The nursery was connected to the adult house, while the rest were separated by heavily wooded area. It was a faulty system, but at least you couldn’t accuse the pack parents of being overprotective.

By the time I had served a fully werewolf sized breakfast, with three whole plates of waffles for twenty or so kids, most of my pack was chatting and laughing downstairs. Someone told a joke, and half the room burst out with laughter. I took this as my cue to leave. I grabbed a waffle to munch on, and made for my cupboard. I was stopped. By Vrees. Shit.

“Who do you think your mate will be, Omega?” He asked, smirking. “Do you think it’ll be someone outside of the pack?” He motioned around, attempting to keep a straight face, “Or do you think it’ll be someone within?” At this, one of the boys behind him cackled, but Vrees turned to him and snarled. He turned back to me, demanding, “Well? Who do you think it’ll be? Well?” His voiced raised, and now a couple of the kids were looking at me, wondering if Vrees was going to beat me or not. I was wondering the same thing.

I answered with my head bowed, simply because he didn’t like it when I didn’t respond. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know, sir.” He corrected. I bit back the: ‘There’s no need to call me sir.’ retort, because I knew that if I did, Pairings or not, he would beat me then and there.

“I don’t know, sir.” I amended. He leaned in, and I could see his fangs. Jeez, he must be angry. I thought. Normally he has better self-control than that.

“Or maybe you won’t have a mate at all.” He smirked, fangs retracting, “Maybe you’ll have to wait a few more years. Or just maybe, you don’t have a mate.”

I flinched. Not having a mate was rare, but it did happen on occasion. Even though my parents had been Betas, it was entirely possible that I didn’t have a mate. Maybe I didn’t deserve one. I took a glance up at his now relaxed posture, and self-satisfied smile. Yes, I decided, this was what he did to relieve his stress.


	3. Rose’s POV

He let me off with just the insults. Thankfully. For several moments, I was sure that he would jump me then and there until I was covered in bruises from head to toe. I would never have had the courage to go to Pairings like that. Werewolf injuries healed with impossible quickness, but it still took one to four days to be completely rid of bruises like that.

Vrees yelled up the stairs for the rest of the kids. He checked all the bathrooms, all the bedrooms, and the cellar too for good measure, in case anyone had been locked in there as a prank. I was pretty sure that all of the kids have been locked in there at one point of another. Most for only two minutes or something like that, but I was in there for a whole day before anyone noticed that I was missing. After I found my mate, I would be counting on that when I ran away. If only I could be so lucky as to have a mate who could protect me from Vrees, but that would never happen. My luck wasn’t that good.

When he was sure that all his pack members were within shouting distance, he gave everyone a little pep talk.

“Okay, y’all, listen up!” Every eye was already on him, so that was really unnecessary. I sat on the staircase, trying to stay as small as possible. “Today, pack, you may or may not find your mate. If you do, then congrats! But you won’t care ‘cause you’ll be too busy staring into their eyes.” He laughed, but when he saw that no one else did, he continued with his speech. “My point is, even if you don’t find your mate, it’s no biggie. Half of you won’t find your mate for several more years. But if you’re one of those, remember, it doesn’t matter that much. You still have years and years to be your own person before you find your other half.” He grinned at his pack, and I found myself amazed with how he could be such an awe inspiring person, while still being the person who beat me every week.

“Now before we go, I want all you younger kids to know that Haldo is in charge while I’m gone, got it?” Haldo, the blond kid with average height standing next to Vrees raised his hand and waved to everyone. “And if I find that you guys trashed the place, you’ll be cleaning it up, and we older kids don’t have to help with chores for a month!” The younger kids groaned, and the older kids whooped. Vrees shouted one last thing, “Now, all the eighteen year olds go change! We’re going on a real run!”

Seven kids ran outside, counting me, lagging behind. I was excited to meet my mate, of course, but I was also afraid that I wouldn’t find them. Or, worse, that it would be one of my tormentors. I took off my clothes behind a tree that was farther from the rest of the pack than necessary, and then I shifted. The shift was easier for me than it was for most kids because I did it so often. I preferred being a wolf. Things were easier to deal with as a wolf.

I took my time walking back, because I knew that they wouldn’t like it if it seemed like I had any advantage over them, i.e. shifting within seconds. I held my clothes in my mouth, and by the time I finished my leisurely walk to where the rest of them were, everyone had shifted but Alita. Alita was muscly as well as pudgy, and that always made shifting harder. But that wasn’t all of why it took her so long to shift. She often refused to go on runs because she wanted to stay in the house and talk to (make out with) Vrees. They were basically a package, and everyone expected them to be mates. Alita’s father was the Alpha of Vrees mother’s old pack. He did his runs in the early morning when almost no one was up, including her. I knew this because I was one of the ‘almost no ones’.

I stood in the shadow of a tree as the rest of the kids talked and chatted and waited for Alita. I thought about the Pairings. A werewolf can only find their mate when they are older than eighteen, and attend a Pairing ceremony. The ceremony was basically just when some Elders from each of the neighboring packs go up to say some special words, and then the kids dance and party. Usually about half of the eighteen year old kids attending from each pack found their mates. What was odd about Pairings was that it was impossible to find your mate any other way or at any other time. Usually if you didn’t find your mate then, it meant that they were too young to be at the party, or that they were a part of an un-attending pack. But there was always that one-in-a-million chance that you didn’t have a mate.

Finally, Alita finished shifting. Through the mind link, Vrees told us all, Lets get going. It’s an eight mile run, and we don’t want to be late.

Since Haldo, Vrees’s second, wasn’t here, Alita filled in that position, and she fell into step as right behind him. We all ran in Vrees’s paw prints, or in some kids cases, tried to, because that way it seemed more like only one wolf had passed through here. Official people started to get nervous when they noticed multiple animal tracks, and besides, it was better that no one knew how many our numbers ranged. We had a big pack, but that didn’t mean that we wanted the other packs, and lone wolves, to know it.

I lagged behind the other wolves. But not far enough that I would attract attention, or worse, get lost. Although I spent a lot of time in these woods, I didn’t often stray too far from the pack house. No more than five or so miles. And five miles is a large radius to become acquainted with. I could easily get lost if I fell too far behind, and the rest of the pack went behind a tree, or worse, crossed a river. I’d lose their scents if that happened.

Directly in front of me was Fernando. He was the son of two average pack wolves. Not Alphas, Betas, or Omegas just normal wolves. I envied him. Although he wasn’t in any high position, he wasn’t an Omega either. He wasn’t a joke, or a punching bag, or a weakling. He was average. Unnoticeable. Ordinary. I wished that I had that.

We stopped right outside of the clearing where the Elders and some other eighteen year olds were already in their human forms, mingling and enjoying refreshments. Shift, change, and gather back here. Vrees told us all through the mind link. I did as he told us, and this time walked back a bit quicker, since wolf to human was always easier for some reason. The others probably had finished it faster than before. I didn’t care. It was all the same under-a-minute time for me.

This time, when I got back from shifting and putting my clothes on, Vrees was sitting on a rock about twenty feet away from the clearing. There were only eight of the seventeen kids done shifting, including me and Vrees, so I stayed behind a tree. Vrees had a tendency to single me out, especially before something like this when he would be nervous. Just to be safe, I stayed behind a tree until nearly three fourths of the kids had returned clothed, and then I quietly slipped into their midst.

The Alpha’s son made another speech, this one shorter, and quieter, seeing as we were within fifty feet of the side of the clearing, and he didn’t want any of the werewolves there to hear him. Especially his possible new mate, whom I suspected that he was extremely anxious about meeting. I got that he wanted to impress her, but wasn’t a speech impressive?

After that, he led us, and we made an entrance. When I say that, what I really mean is that we walked in, and some people turned their heads in our direction for a brief moment. Being the second most powerful pack in the state didn’t mean much, I supposed, when a bunch of newly turned adults were anxious about looking for their possible soul-mates.

“Does someone smell a hint of roses?” Vrees blurted out. For a moment I thought he was talking about me, Rose. And sniffed myself quietly. But no, his head wasn’t turned in my direction, and his words wouldn’t make sense if he were talking about me. Alita shook her head no, and the ones who were paying attention did the same. Vrees nodded distractedly and told us all that we could spread out and mingle now if we wanted to.

As soon as he told me I could, I scurried away from my pack, and went to the place where they were least likely to see me. Up a tree. I liked to climb trees. Seeing as almost no one looked up, werewolf or not, they were wonderful places to hide. I had no qualms about not finding my mate, because there was no ‘staring deeply into the eyes of your mate’ qualifications. If my mate was here, he would smell me, or I would smell him. And anyway, that wouldn’t happen until everyone had arrived and the Elders of each pack all gave their unanimous blessing. I might as well rest up here until then.

Finally, after the people below me had all arrived, the Elders stood and said their words. As they spoke, the eighteen year olds all stared with an attention not often given by people of their age group, and then they sat down again. The kids, because that’s what I still thought of them as, all stared at each other expectantly, silently. Then one girl from the Wave pack growled ‘Mate!’ and everyone grinned and started talking again. Everyone knew that they would find their mate eventually, if they were here, that is. No reason to stop talking.

I climbed down from the tree, realizing that if I did have a mate, and he was here, I wouldn’t want him to find me like that. I was just touching ground again, when a force barreled into me, knocking the wind out of me as I was slammed into the tree. The air was knocked out of my lungs. It wasn’t that I had been hit hard, Derek, Alita, Vrees, and Snipe had hit me harder, but it still hurt.

I gasped for air, but whatever, or whoever, was holding me to the tree would not let up. It was then that my nostrils were assaulted as well. I caught a scent so heavenly, that I was sure for a minute that I had died and gone there. It was like fresh dewy grass and a clover field. It was like crisp mountain air and cold clear spring water and more… mm… clovers. I ripped free from the grip and turned to face my mate. But… all I saw was… Vrees? My mind went numb, and I could only fathom one thought. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!! My head refused to believe that the wonderful scent, and Vrees, could be in any way connected.

I took a step back from him. Most people have those fight or flight instincts. I had fight or flight or freeze ones. And right now, my terror compelled me to stay where I was.

“Rose?” He asked, as if he had never met me before, and only heard my name second-hand. I stared at him, eyes wide and afraid. At the moment, my mind wasn’t making any sense. I was thinking about how frustrated this would make him, and so I was fearing him because he usually took that out on me. But he couldn’t take this out on me. It involved me. I couldn’t be involved with him! My wolf was growling happily at the scent, but she too was afraid of Vrees. It wasn’t just in human form that he liked to abuse me.

That last thought was what activated my flight instinct. And I ran. I was a fast runner, amazingly so, most likely from my light body and how often I went on solo runs as a wolf. But he was the Alpha, Alphas are always faster. He tackled me from behind and turned me over, pinning me against the ground under him. I was utterly unable to resist. Tears welled up in my eyes. Despite treating me like his personal punching bag, Vrees had never touched me like some males do to unwilling unmated females. He had no reason not to now.

Thankfully, he had a different gleam in his eyes. Well, maybe not thankfully, he was angry, confused, horrified, and more angry, all at once. After years of living in fear of his moods, I had learned to read them fairly well. “You’re my mate?” He asked bewildered.

I didn’t respond. Well, unless closing my eyes, trembling in terror, and turning my face away from him counted as a response. However, that just made him angrier.

“Look at me!” He demanded, attracting the attention of some of the nearer werewolves. The clearing was extremely large, and people were talking a lot and being really loud, but still, a shouting Alpha werewolf was bound to attract some attention. My whole body tensed up. I figured that he would hit me.

I heard another male voice, this one gruffer. “Get off of her, Vrees. She’s probably terrified enough as it is.” He did as the man told him to and got off of me. As soon as he did, I curled up into a ball so that he couldn’t kick me in the stomach or the face. No, no, no. This could not be happening. How could Vrees, of all people, be my mate? Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it was- but no. My wolf told me that Vrees, however much we despised him, was my mate.

I finally worked up the courage to peek a glance at Vrees and the man. Men, my sight corrected. There were four Elder men here, three holding Vrees back away from me, and one trying to talk to him. None of them were paying any attention to me. In a flash, I jumped up out of my fetal position and I ran to the edge of the clearing. I saw, finally, that this whole set up was a trap. There were guards stationed around the clearing. The only reason that I got out was because the guards for this section had gone to restrain Vrees.

I shifted in the woods, picking up my clothing and running. Following our scent to the river, I crossed it, and thankfully knew the way to the pack house from here. I raced back to the house, and shifted just as quickly as before. I scrambled into my clothes, and ran into the house. It must have been my only lucky break ever, because I didn’t run into anyone as I passed through the halls. I went into my cupboard, and grabbed my empty backpack. Then I began stuffing it with every possession I owned. Including my clothes, it all just fit perfectly. As a werewolf, I had the advantage of eating as a wolf, so I didn’t worry about food.

I opened my cupboard. Well, I tried to. The door was locked. I immediately felt cold. I was locked in. “Vrees mind linked us and ordered us to subdue you without hurting you too badly.” Garret said, probably laughing. “I’m surprised that you got here so quickly, you must be a fast runner.” Fuck! No, no, no, no, no! Vrees being my mate made me want to follow through with my plan to run away all the more, but because it was Vrees, that made my plan impossible! I started hyperventilating, and I was sure that I was about to pass out.

Haldo spoke seriously from the other side of the door, “Garret, he told us not to talk to her either.”

“But it’s so funny when she’s panicking!” My breath came in gasps as I tried to slow my breathing. It wasn’t working.

“Guys!” Stella said from the other side, “I think she’s hyperventilating!”

“So what?” Said Garret, “Let her faint. When Vrees comes, he’ll knock some sense into her.”

“Whatever. Just don’t expect me to take the blame if he wants her conscious.”

And then I blacked out.


	4. Rose’s POV

I woke up surprisingly warm. Uncomfortably so. I threw my blanket off. That was odd, my blanket wasn’t that thick… or warm. Suddenly, my foggy mind remembered what had happened yesterday, or was it still today? I looked around the dim room franticly, and spotted Vrees leaning against a wall. He was staring at me. Struck with terror at my tormentor in front of me, I let out a shriek.

He may have been moving towards me even as I glanced over at him, or he may have just decided to do so when hearing my scream, but within moments, he was at the bedside, and I was curled up into a defensive ball. He touched my arm with his always firm grip. I let out a round of whimpers, sure that he was about to start beating me, or worse.

“Rose,” He said, as if he was desperate and confused, but didn’t know what to say. Since when had he called me by my name? He usually called me Omega, or girl, or even just ‘hey you’. Until yesterday (unless it’s still today) I wasn’t even sure if he actually knew my name.

“Please don’t hit me.” I whispered. I don’t know why I said that, it angered him when I begged or cried or pleaded. But, I feel him flinch away from me, removing his hand. Every action he took confused me more today. Maybe it was something new, something with being mates. Maybe he was tired with our old simple game, and had changed the rules. Maybe he had found a new way to attack me, by getting my guard down. I knew right then that I wasn’t letting my guard down around him, mates or not. I hugged myself tighter, protecting my head and torso from attacks.

I stayed like this for a long time. My arms began to grow sore, and yet he did not attempt to hit me, or even touch me, again. After what was probably twenty or so minutes, I slowly peeked over at him. He was sitting in the chair again, head in hands, and almost looked as if he was asleep. What if he was asleep? What if I waited, and he woke up?

I sat up, and he didn’t move. I looked around the room, and saw what I was hoping to see, my backpack. Nervously, I tip-toe over to it, and I pull it on. All of the sudden, I realize which room this was, with the luxurious bed, connecting bathroom, giant closet, and overall messiness of it. It was Vrees’s room. The man brought me to his room and put me in his bed. I fight against the wave of panic that threatens to overcome me, and I tip-toe to the door. Then the floor creaked.

Even with my heightened werewolf senses, for two seconds, everything seemed to go by in a blur. The next thing I knew, Vrees was pinning me to the door, my backpack was half way across the room, and I was shaking like a leaf. He snapped his teeth next to my ear. I wasn’t exactly sure if the motion was meant to be threatening, but it frightened me all the same and I whimpered. Vrees held my arms tight, but not painfully so, and turned me around so that I faced him.

“You were trying to run from me for a third time.” He growled softly. His voice was soft and smooth right now, as if he were trying to talk to a scared animal, but I had long since made it my mission to know whenever he was angry or frustrated. Right now, he was very much of both.

I didn’t know how to respond to this new complicated version of Vrees, so I just did as I always did to try and calm him down. I showed him respect and deference. “Y-yes, sir.” I lowered my eyes to the tips of my toes. Most werewolves went barefoot most of the time, unless they refused to go on runs. Shoes were annoying to keep when you kept losing them or even breaking them, whenever you shifted. And they were hard to carry in your mouth.

He grabbed my throat, pushing me against the wall by the neck so that I had no other option but to look at him. “Never look away from me again.” This time there was no mistaking the anger in his voice. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and after a moment, I realized that I actually could not. I clawed at his grip, and tried to make some sound, however strangled, come out of my mouth. His grip loosened on my neck just a bit, and thankfully, I could breathe again.

Vrees had changed the rules, and I didn’t understand them one bit. Only last week, if I had looked him in the eye, he would have beaten me, but now, if I looked away, he would strangle me. I didn’t want to disobey Vrees, for fear of being beaten, but I couldn’t look into his eyes and let him see how terrified I felt either. My fear always angered him, and he needed no more anger now. I still didn’t know what he was angry about. So, to escape his angry scowl, I closed my eyes.

He shook me, and growled at me, but I only squeezed my eyes tighter. I didn’t know why I did so, but I was too afraid, and too confused, to actually think through what was happening. He shook me again, this time hurting me and hitting my head against the wall. I had no idea what to do to calm him down! He was hurting me so badly!

“Vrees! Please stop. You’re hurting me!” I whimpered pitifully. I immediately regretted saying that. Why had I pleaded with him when I knew that it would only make him more angry with me? I berated myself for forgetting these unspoken rules.

To my complete surprise, he stopped. Confused by his move, I opened my eyes, only to find his staring back at me. His eyes were a burnt amber color. Like brown, or hazel, with a bit more of a yellowish gleam to them. I felt trapped in his gaze. He had never allowed me to look at his face before, let alone stare at him in the eyes, and I was terrified by the raw emotion they displayed. Maybe he always had that expression, but it just made me more afraid.

He spoke, his words coming out in a low raw voice. “I’m sorry, Rose, I don’t want to hurt you. I just keep losing my temper so damn easily! I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I can guess. I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused you.”

In my mind, I had a million responses, as I always did. But also like always, I did not speak a single one of them aloud. Instead, I said quietly,

“V-vrees?”

“Yes, Rose?” He sounded hopeful, as if I was about to ask him if I could give him my complete trust or some nonsense like that.

“C-can you p-p-put me down n-now?” I stuttered far too much, and I cursed my own betraying tongue.

“Sure.” I felt myself relax only fractionally as his hands released me.

Although he had let me go, he was still leaning over me in a threatening way that was not exactly trust-inspiring. I still wasn’t comfortable with looking him in the eye, but I understood now that he would be angry if I didn’t. I hunched over in front of him like I always did, but instead of looking down like normally, I nervously looked him in the eye. I made sure not to hold his gaze too firmly, flicking my eyes above or next to him whenever he looked into my eyes, but he seemed to think that this was enough.

“I’m sorry that I beat you, Rose.” He really did sound sorry, but maybe that was part of the game now. He continued, “I’m sorry for all of the times that I beat you. You never deserved it.”

I nodded. He never really did think that I deserved it. That much I knew. The other kids might have thought that, but I had learned to read Vrees. He only did it because he enjoyed the game, and I was the perfect victim.

“Do you think… do you think that you would ever forgive me for what I’ve done to you?”

My jaw opened a fraction in shock. Did he honestly just ask for my forgiveness? Why would he do that? And if it really mattered to him, he could have just beat me until I said the words. Why would he actually care what I thought? Maybe this was before he beat me again, and he just wanted to know if asking me would be better than beating it out of me. I closed my mouth hurriedly.

“Of c-course I f-forgive you.” I rushed to say. There was always the possibility that he would beat me anyway. He narrowed his eyes and pinched his mouth into a tight line. That meant that he was thinking about my answer.

“You’re lying.” He decided.

This confused me even more. He wanted me to forgive him, but only honestly? That made no sense. Why would I ever forgive him so that he could just go back to beating me?

“N-no I’m not.” I stuttered out. “I m-mean it. I forgive y-you.”

“No you don’t. You’re stuttering on nearly every other word, for one.” Well that was because I thought he was going to beat me. “And secondly, you’re brushing your thumb against your first two fingers. You always do that when you’re lying.” Surprised, I glanced down at my left hand. Oh, I was doing that. Since when had he paid enough attention to me to be able to tell when I was lying?

“S-sorry, sir.” I said, apologizing for not being able to comply to his wishes.

He took my left hand with his right, stilling my nervously tapping fingers. He brushed his thumb lightly over my knuckles. I wanted to shiver, my level of discomfort rising now that he was touching me again, but I knew that he wouldn’t like that. His rough fingers felt surprisingly good on my skin when he wasn’t beating me, but the knowledge that he could easily twist my finger or start hitting me there and then stopped me from enjoying the sensation.

“That’s alright, Rose. You don’t have to forgive me right now.” He smiled at me in a way that he may have meant to be encouraging, but I knew was just challenging. “I will change your mind.”

Before I could even disagree in my mind, he brought my hand his lips and kissed it. The disgusted shiver that I had been holding back came, and I closed my eyes and turned my head away, tensing up even more. I clenched my jaw as he dropped my hand. I opened my eyes slowly, sure that my reaction had angered him again, but he simply looked saddened. Sad was good. He didn’t beat me when he was sad. I wanted to turn my whole body away from him, to be leaning against the wall, but I knew that I would be pushing my luck.

We were both silent for a few moments. Him, probably unsure of what to say, and me, afraid to say anything at all. Finally, I was the one to break the silence.

“M-may I leave, s-sir?” I asked him timidly. He sighed and nodded.

“But you have to agree to one thing, Rose.”

“What’s t-that, sir?” I asked, afraid that he would ask me to do something bad.

“I want you to stop calling me sir.”

His answer confused me. “Th-then what d-d-do you want m-me to call you?”

“Call me Vrees.”

I nodded shakily, and then, as naturally as possible as it could be for me to do so, I fled the room.


	5. Vrees’s POV

I was a damned jackass. My mate’s parents died, and instead of comforting her, I used her as a damn easy target. I had some time to think about what an ass I was while she was asleep. _No, while she was unconscious._ I reminded myself. Yes, I was the reason that she had been unconscious. It was because she was afraid of me.

I had looked in the backpack she had gone to grab at the pack house, and confirmed, to my dismay, that she was planning to run away. I didn’t know how long she had been planning that, but she hadn’t just packed that backpack today. She may have just planned to leave as soon as she found her mate if she didn’t like him.

 _Or maybe she was leaving if her mate couldn’t protect her from you._ A thought tormented me, almost like I had tormented her. _It’s possible that she could have left no matter what, just to get away from you. She could still be leaving. Because of you._ I jumped up. NO. She would not leave me, not yet. Not until I at least tried to convince her to, if not forgive me, than to not be so afraid of me.

 _Haldo,_ I told him through the mind link, _watch Rose for me. But don’t let her know that she’s being watched. If she tries to run away, I want you to tell me._

My second replied, _You got it, Vrees. Quick question, which one is Rose again?_

I let my exasperation trickle to him through the link. _She makes you breakfast nearly every morning. The one who we like to pretend is an Omega._

I could feel his amused reply. _Oh, your little chew toy?_

 _…Yes. Her._

_Got it. I’ll send Tamarin. She’s a fast runner and shifter. She should have no problem keeping up with your chew toy._

_Her name is Rose._

_Ahh, well, Rose just left for the woods, I think._

_Alright. Have Tamarin follow her on her run._ I broke the connection. I hoped that the damage I had done to my poor mate was repairable. I would never forgive myself if it wasn’t.


	6. Rose’s POV

As soon as I left his room, I shot through the hallways and out the back door. Or, I did at first. As soon as I came to a room with people, I realized that I was drawing too much unwanted attention, and I slowed down. Walking quickly, I left the pack house. I seriously needed air. As it turned out, it was still daytime, although the sun was about to set in a few hours. Plenty of time to go to my favorite spot. I took my time undressing. When I finished, I didn’t bother to take my clothes with me. I just put them under a log, and shifted.

I stretched, my front legs going forward, and my back arching. I expected a long run to where I was going, and I didn’t want to get a cramp. I chuckled. I had never gotten a cramp as a wolf. Moving my paws as a leisurely pace, I walked for a bit, warming up, when suddenly I saw a flash of black fur in my peripheral vision. Quickly, I ran through the mental list I had of all the black wolves in the pack. There weren’t many. Nervously, I quickened my pace.

After about five minutes of running slowly, I was about to speed up when I saw another flash of fur. This one was brownish. I broke into a run, and sprinted through the forest in a confusing weaving pattern that I was really good at. After about five more minutes, I knew that I had lost my pursuer. I grinned in triumph, and continued running through the woods at an exhilarating break-neck pace.

My breath was heavy and my heart was working hard by the time I slowed again. I had decreased my speed because I knew that I was almost to my destination. Panting, I trotted into the clearing that I had always used to get away from my horrible pack. In the clearing, there was a clear stream of water running off of a large rock, and an assortment of flowers of all colors around it. I stood there for a bit, taking in the beauty of the the scene. 

Walking up to the rock, I lapped up the fresh water until my thirst was satisfied. After that, I jumped onto the rock, and then the one next to it. I had discovered a while ago that this second rock was not only comfortably shaped for napping, but that the sun hit the rock just right and warmed it up. The warmth had a way with making my bruises feel like they melted away, and before I knew it, I was asleep.


	7. Vrees’s POV

I knew that something was wrong as soon as Haldo mind-linked me. But his words confirmed that.

 _Vrees, Tamarin lost her._ I immediately knew he was talking about Rose.

 _She lost her?!_ I practically shouted, before I got a grip on myself. _Give me a moment. I need to talk to Tamarin._ I severed the connection and created one with Tamarin.

 _How did you lose her?_ I was furious with her, but I didn’t let that show through the link.

 _It’s not like a was napping or anything, sir. I had her for about five minutes, but then she started running._ Her bewilderment confused me.

_You can’t even keep up with an Omega when she’s running? I was told that you were one of the fastest!_

I believed her, but was irritated all the same. _Fine, I’ll follow her. Her scent’s strong for me. But Tamarin, don’t tell anyone about this or I’ll force you to shift, rip your legs off, and then make you watch as I repeatedly stab you with the dullest blade I can find._

The girl on the other side was most likely stunned into silence by my violent description. Unlike other Alphas, I usually had a fairly good grip on my emotions. This whole thing was really upsetting me. Before she had time to recover, I broke the connection. Sighing, I walked out of the house to follow my poor little mate.


	8. Rose’s POV

I woke up to the sensation of the wind brushing against my fur. The daylight warmth had faded, and although the rock I was lying on wasn’t as warm, it wasn’t yet cold. I got to my paws, and stretched sleepily. I hadn’t meant to sleep for that long. I had to make the pack dinner soon. Hopefully I could get back without it being noticed that I was gone.

I bounced happily down from the rocks, and trotted around the small clearing. The smell of fresh air after a nap always made me feel much more peaceful. I felt like a free wolf. Laughing, I made a second lap of the area. It wasn’t very big at all. I picked some pretty flowers in my mouth, and bounding over to the pool that was more like a widening version of the stream, I dropped them in.

As I watched the flowers float down the stream and out of sight, on their way to the part where this little stream dropped down into the river most likely, I grinned. Sighing happily, I stood and made to start the return run. I liked running. Returning home, however, not so much. A patch of dark seeped into my light mood when I remembered the… complications that made me have to return home again.

I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. I still had a whole wonderful run until I had to deal with any of that. I was just at the edge of the clearing when I smelled a trace of… something. I stopped dead in my tracks and sniffed the air. I didn’t catch the scent again.

I knew what I had smelled, and it was a wolf. Which meant one of three things. The first, we were being invaded by a hostile pack. The second, there was a lone wolf out here, who had probably smelled me and was much stronger than me. And finally, the third, a member of our pack had followed me. I wasn’t sure which one I was more afraid of. 

If a pack member had followed me, then everyone would soon know about this place. Not only could I not count on no one knowing where I was anymore, if that were the case, but if they knew, they would destroy my peaceful retreat. That could not happen. I prayed to God that they wouldn’t find my clearing.

My paws retraced my well-worn path, circling the clearing as I often did. This time was more slowly than usual. I was looking for the scent. about twenty paces later, I found it. The smell was actually quite intoxicating. Spring water and clovers mixed with the normal smell of wolf. I knew I had smelled that scent before. My mind went blank for two seconds before I panicked.

Vrees was, or had been, here! No! No! No! This could not be happening! I heard the soft swishing sound of leaves brushing against something, and I whipped my head around, my wolf eyes searching the clearing. That was when Vrees stepped out. My eyes locked on to his.

He was across the clearing about fifty feet away. I gulped nervously, this afternoon forgotten. All I could see in the muscled dark grey wolf was the usual intention to hit me so hard that my bones broke. He walked up to me, and I whimpered. I assumed the first submissive position, my ears laid down, my head ducked low, and my lips pulled back in a pleading smile.

He growled, low and throaty, in a way that told me he was displeased. So I got into the second submissive position, my muzzle pushed to the ground, my belly touching the ground just as much, and my eyes averted from his. From his posture, I could tell that he was still not pleased, so, reluctantly, I pushed myself into the third submissive position. I rolled onto my back, my legs up in the air, and stretched my neck out. From this position, he could rip out my throat before I even had the time to whimper. It was the ultimate sign of submission from an Omega to their Alpha.

I waited for his response anxiously. Usually, this sign of complete deference mollified him, but this time it didn’t seem like it pleased him. He was still, and I waited for him to decide what to do with me. I whimpered quietly in the high-pitched way that only wolves and dogs could.

Suddenly he told me to get up. Not through the mind link, like I had expected him to, but with a bark and a change of posture, like a wolf. I quickly rolled over onto my paws. Following his lead, I asked him if I should leave in the way that wolves do, but he told me to stay. I sat on my haunches in front of him, ears down, wondering if he would hit me. Even if he didn’t hit me, unless I left right now, the rest of the pack would be angry that I hadn’t gotten back in time to make them dinner, and they would probably hit me. I whined at the thought.

With posture and vocals instead of mind linking, Vrees asked me, _What is wrong?_

 _Food._ I responded.

_Are you hungry?_

_No. Pack eat food._ I tried to explain to him, but because he insisted on not using the mind link, conveying the idea of cooking for the pack was fairly hard. The message seemed to be understood, however.

_You leave for pack food?_

I bowed my head to say, _If you’ll allow me._

 _No. Stay here._ I gritted my teeth while nodding my head. Why should he care if they beat me or not? Unaware of my bitter thoughts, Vrees slowly padded next to me, and sat down on his haunches as I was doing. I blinked, astonished. It was completely unheard-of for an Alpha to lower themselves to the lever of an Omega.

 _What are you doing?_ I implied the question through my curious whine. Vrees didn’t really answer me, but he did lick my muzzle. I stiffened. He was being far too familiar for my tastes. But then again, I couldn’t really do much about it. I dipped my head, reaffirming my position as lower than him. I was reminding him that he was my Alpha, not my mate.

What he did next astounded me beyond comprehension. Vrees dipped his head as well. My jaw dropped open, and out of surprise, I sat up. As soon as I realized my mistake, I froze. I was sitting up straight, while he had his head bowed down. I had made it so that he was showing submission to me.

I whimpered, and dropped to the grass immediately. I put my paws over my muzzle and continued to whine apologetically. Despite this afternoon, and even just moments ago, I was sure that Vrees would attack me any moment now.

I felt his fur brush against mine, and then his rough wolf tongue on my muzzle. He joined lying down on the ground, and rested his head against me. I looked up at him anxiously, sure that I would find signs of his anger, but there were none. I was sure that he could see the confusion on my face, but I couldn’t convey the question I had for him. ‘Why aren’t you angry?’ actually doesn’t translate into wolf very well. I was debating breaking his unspoken mind-link ban, when he did it for me.

 _I’m sorry, Rose._ He told me. I could feel his guilt, but I didn’t understand it.

 _What are you sorry for?_ I asked him. I didn’t stutter when I was mind-linking someone, because it felt too much like talking to myself.

_For hurting you. What else? For every horrible thing I’ve ever done to you. For hitting you, for humiliating you, for forcing you into the position of abused Omega. For treating you like my personal chew toy, to be played with whenever the whim struck me. Oh, Rose, I’m so sorry!_

I could feel his grief and his guilt. Why was he acting like this? As soon as I learned that he was my mate, I had expected him to immediately reject me and get on with our usual routine. Good for him, bad for me. In the extremely rare cases where an Alpha was mated to an Omega, the Omega was almost always rejected. That is… oftentimes they were taken advantage of first…

I had forgotten to block my thoughts from Vrees. I didn’t often mind-link with any of the wolf-shifters in our pack, and so I was not good at keeping my thoughts protected like some of the other wolves. I felt my Alpha’s shock, denial, outrage, and confusion when the thought of him taking advantage of me, before rejecting me, crossed my mind. He got to his paws, and I immediately felt fear. Nearly just as quickly, I closed my mind to him. If he hadn’t been ready to beat me before, he certainly would now after hearing that thought. I huddled and whimpered even more.

However, Vrees did not lunge at me with his teeth bared. He didn’t even seem angry with me, just… sad? His sadness confused me, and frightened me, because I could not comprehend why he felt that way. I whimpered again, but this time more out of confusion than fear. I took my paws off of my muzzle, and lifted my head a bit. I didn’t dare brush my nose against his fur, or worse, lick him, but I did cock my head questioningly. Slowly, I opened my mind to him again, but I did not allow him to see my emotions.

 _Vrees?_ I asked slowly.

_Yes, Rose?_

_Well, umm, why is it that…_ I trailed off, nervously unable to finish forming that thought. Vrees sent me his reassurance, and that gesture, of all his recent kind acts, made me believe that I could finish my sentence without him attacking me. _Why is it that you’re not, well… acting the same way as you always do towards me? Why are you treating me like you do for… the rest of your pack?_

_You are part of my pack, love._

I sat up on my haunches. I still looked up to him as he was standing, but that was the way it should be. His words sent a shiver down my spine, and I felt as if he had just twisted my gut. Vrees called all of the girls in our pack that. And yet, the term made me feel weak, but not in the usual way. I did not know how to respond to this statement of his. I had never been really considered part of the pack before. Since the young age at which my parents died, I had been shunned by the pack.

I bowed my head to him, since I did not know how else to acknowledge his remark. He growled, not seeming to like that. As the silence between us grew tenser, I felt the need to break the silence with a joke or something, as I usually did when two members of the pack were in uncomfortable waters with each other. As was in my Omega job description. But I did not know how what to do when the tension included me. It would not be very appreciated, I felt, if I made a fool of myself right now. Finally, I spoke.

_Sir- umm, Vrees. Well, the sun will be set in only a few mere minutes. I should have made supper for the pack a long time ago. They’ll be expecting me, and if I’m not there soon, well…_

I trailed off, leaving that thought unfinished because he knew what would happen. He was usually the one to incite the beatings. And he was nearly always the one to finish them. Taking his distracted and brooding expression as a dismissal, I began to slink away with my tail down in respect.

 _Where do you think you’re going, Rose?_ His words were accusatory, but his tone was gentle. This new Vrees unnerved me.

 _Err, I was going back to the pack house?_ I meant for it to come out as a statement, but my tone made it more of a question, really.

 _Is that so?_ Again, his words were threatening, but his tone was amused.

I began to get the feeling that he was either mocking me or toying with me through intimidation. But, this time didn’t feel the same as the others. The usual mean pleasure did not radiate from him in waves, but instead, a gentle amusement rolled off of him.

_Um, yes? I mean, yes. I have to go._

_Well then I’ll be going with you._


	9. Rose’s POV

I blinked in surprise. He would be going _with_ me? Nervously, I nodded, and fell into step eight paces behind him. It seemed a bit far when it was just the two of us, but I had never once run with him before, and I would never dare to take the position as his second, or even third. Despite the fact that neither of them were here.

Vrees started out at an easy pace, but soon sped up, and I followed suit. Before I knew it, we were in an all out run. Although the pace was fine for me, I begun to realize that it was a little fast. The average wolf could run about thirty to forty miles-per-hour, and we were reaching that speed.

 _Could we slow down a bit?_ I asked him as politely as I could.

 _Why? We both know that I can go much faster, and you’re not even exerting yourself._ This was true, but purely out of habit, I did not want him to know the full extent of my abilities. _Speaking of which,_ he continued _, speed up. I want you at my right flank._

I gaped at him, slowing down for a brief moment. At his right flank? Even with the lack of other wolves, that was… unheard-of for an Omega. I sped up, coming closer to him, but still a brief flash of fear coursed through my veins, giving me extra adrenaline. I think he may have sensed, or smelled, my fear, because he sent me yet more reassurance.

Speeding up even more, I came to run at his right flank. I glanced at him, and was surprised to see that he was reveling in this run. He continued to speed up, until I actually was exerting myself. But still, he ran faster. At this point, I could swear that we were running almost forty-five miles-per-hour. Yet he was still speeding up! My breathing became labored, and my heartbeat erratic. I was about to ask him to slow down again, when he seemed satisfied with the speed. He didn’t slow down, but he stopped speeding up.

Still, even with him not speeding up anymore, we ran at a breakneck pace. By the time the sun had just set, we were at the pack-house. That was half my usual time. When we slowed down to a trot, Vrees expressed his enthusiasm with me.

_Rose! That was wonderful! No one’s been able to keep up with me like that before, especially not Alita! No wonder you lost Tamarin!_

As soon as he spoke the words, I froze. He’d had me followed? Of course! The brown fur! Either that or the black one. How far was I before I lost her? I forced myself to remember, but nom, I lost her far before I got to my clearing. Good, that meant that my secret couldn’t get out unless Vrees intentionally made it known. That wasn’t my preferred option, but it was better than some blabbermouth knowing.

Vrees had also realized the implications of what he’d just said. _Rose, I’m sorry. I had no idea that you were going somewhere like that. I thought… that you were running away._

I didn’t deny the possibility. _Without my clothes and possessions, though?_

_It was still a possibility._

That it was.

He walked over to the brush to shift, and told me to do the same. _You don’t have to wait for a long time though._ He told me, teasing. _Tamarin told me how quickly you shifted._

Great. Another thing that I had hidden for years, and yet was now revealed. I realized now that the only reason Vrees didn’t know all about me was that he had never cared before. I was sloppy and careless when it came to hiding myself, using my natural camouflage instead of any real secretiveness.

I ran walked over to the spot where I had hidden my shirt and trousers under a log. However, instead of finding my clothes, I found a pile of scraps that reeked of… piss. I swore. That must have been the black wolf I saw right when I left. I thought that I had hidden them well enough this time, but apparently not. I walked back to Vrees, knowing that he wanted me to return to him after I shifted. But I wasn’t going to shift until I had clothes at hand.

Vrees was already sitting cross-legged on the forest floor, and I walked up to him with my ears down and my tail between my legs. As a human, I realized, he was ten times more intimidating than he had been before.

 _Vrees, umm, sir?_ I asked, sitting back on my haunches. His eyes snapped open, and he took in my wolf appearance in under a second.

“Why have you not shifted yet?” He asked me. He sounded pretty annoyed.

 _Well, you see, sir, my clothes are, umm, not really usable at the moment._ My eyes avoided his, and I ducked down my head. 

“Show me.”

I began to explain, but he cut me off.

“I said SHOW me, not TELL me.”

I was sure that he could tell from my confused expression that I didn’t understand what he meant at all.

He looked at me oddly. “Just send me your memory through the mind-link. Have you never exchanged a memory instead of explaining it?”

If I had been in human form, I would have blushed, but as it was, I put my ears down and whined. I had thought that he knew I hadn’t had friends since my parents died and he started tormenting me. I focused on what he asked of me, and I sent him the memory of what happened.

The humiliation of it was normal for me. It was everyday. Average. But when Vrees saw the memory, he reacted drastically. He was angry, extremely so, and I could feel his fury boiling over the sides of his controlled mind. I had never seen him nearly this angry, and I was frightened. He got to his feet. In my wolf form, he towered above me. I looked up to him and saw the the fearsome Alpha, and suddenly, forgetting that his rage was because of my torment, I cowered in fear. He turned to me, and I yelped, scrambling away.

“Rose. Stay here.”

I tried to obey him, I really did. But my fear was propelling me. My furry stick-like legs shook as I tried to make they stay in place, but I couldn’t do it. I fled, leaving the frightening Alpha in a dash.

“ **Come here right now, Rose.** ” My whole body froze, causing me to trip. He had just used an Alpha Command. Maybe a Beta might have had the power to resist. Maybe. But as a weak Omega, I came stumbling back to him as quickly as my legs would allow, not taking the usual care to avoid sharp sticks. That was the disadvantage to using an Alpha Command. It robbed the commanded not only of their free will, but of their ability to avoid harm as well. If an Alpha used their Command for every little thing, then someone would eventually end up dying while getting a cup of coffee, because the Command insisted that they not wait for the oncoming bus to pass.

I flung myself to his feet, as I had interpreted his Command to mean. I felt like a dog, pawing at his feet. The usual sense of self loathing that came with rushed through me, but this time, I could not do a thing about it. I hated it when Vrees robbed me of my will like this. He hadn’t done it recently, but this Command brought back old memories of Vrees when he was learning how to use the Alpha Command. That had been the worst year of my life. I had no will of my own. I was practically his slave. That was, before his father, the true Alpha, had stepped in and warned him of the dangers of using his Command so often.

I let out a high pitched whine, but then the Command choked it off. The Command didn’t even allow me to look up at anything further than his feet. So when he walked away without another word, I started hyperventilating. Here I was, for all intents and purposes, bound and gagged by the sheer force of his will, and he had just left me here.

I fought it. First, by regaining full control of my own thoughts, so I wasn’t constantly thinking about my predicament or hyperventilating because of it. I had a tendency to do that. Next, I tried to move something. I worked with my eyes first, and when I could look around, I tried to move my front leg. But no, that was too hard. I could move my paw, that was something. When I could move both my head and eyes, I looked around for some sign that Vrees wasn’t abandoning me out here. But I found none at all.

I shivered. Oh gosh, I hoped he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t really leave me out here in the cold and dark while I was bound so tightly like this. Would he? Dark thoughts invaded my mind. _Maybe this is just a new game for him._ I thought fearfully. _Get me to run with him, get to know me a bit more, and then leave my bound, afraid, and cold in the dark night-time forest. In this state, if an owl decided that I was fair game, it could literally eat me alive. I couldn’t even scream._

He wouldn’t do that. Would he? I thought back to all of my previous experiences with him carefully. _Yes._ _This is exactly his style._ If I were a human, I would have cried. Instead, I whimpered in fear. This binding would not even allow me sleep. My whimpering increased in pitch and speed until I was no longer just whimpering, but gasping for too much air. _Great. Maybe I’ll pass out again._ By now, I was seeing black dots around my vision.

“ **You are released from my Command.** ” I would have jumped from the sound of his voice, had I not been too busy collapsing onto the ground and shifting. When us wolf-shifters were injured, or under great strain, we shifted back to humans. His command had been suppressing my urgent need to shift, and so when he let me go, it felt as if I’d just slammed into a wall while going ten mph in a tin-can car.

It was the most painful shift I’d had in years. I screamed as all my bones reformed and took human shape. Normally, the bones reorganized themselves neatly and smoothly, sliding muscles into place underneath my skin. I knew that the fact that I practiced shifting a lot made it much easier than it was for most shifters, but this agony was not normal by any standards. My bones didn’t reshape. They broke, snapped, and shattered. Then shakily reformed themselves. My lungs swelled, but the timing was off. There was no room for them yet, and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. That was when I stopped screaming, and started bearing my agony in silence.

After three minutes of pure torture, the horror was over. I curled up into a ball and cried. My sobbing increased as my teeth chattered. Vrees was there, I realized now, and I wondered if forcing me to shift like that was his plan all along. It was certainly more satisfying than just holding me under his grip and feeling my terror. He draped something over me. A large blanket, I thought. And I didn’t care if he just watched my bones break. I wasn’t cold anymore, and he smelled nice.

That was my last stupid thought, before I, yet again, lost consciousness.


	10. Rose’s POV

I woke to the sound of angry voices. I couldn’t make them out at first, but the volume increased and roused me completely from my slumber. 

“How was I supposed to know that she would react that way to my Command?” Someone shouted. Oh, duh. It was Vrees.

“Despite what you seem to think, she is still the pack Omega! It’s not just a matter of strength! Because she is our Omega, your Command is much stronger for her than for any other. What did you think would happen? That she would just sit there and obey you grudging as I do? I am your Beta, man! I’m willing to bet that just the simple force of your Command was crushing her! I imagine that it wouldn’t have been nearly as bad if you had ordered her to do something, but no, you had to make her stay in one spot and let the Command crush her will even more.” By the end of his tirade, the man’s tone of voice was mocking and sharp.

“She never used to react that way to it.” Vrees lowered his voice, most likely full of shame. However, his voice was not so quiet that I couldn’t still hear him with my enhanced wolf-shifter ears.

“Your power was weak then. You forget your own strength, my friend.”

I suddenly realized that the voice as belonging to Vrees’s Beta, Haldo. The latino boy had never tormented me as Vrees had, but he had been the one to suggest that Vrees use his Alpha Command on me for training. I was, after all, the easiest target. And although I knew that Haldo had never expected Vrees to take it so far, I still held a dislike of him more than I did for any others in my pack. Excluding Vrees and his gang, of course.

Their moment of silence had probably been what made them aware of my heavier breath, because after only a few seconds of quiet, Vrees came into the room I was in. He may as well have kicked the door down, by the burst of noise that he made. I jumped at the sudden noise, the flooding of light in the room, and the realization of where exactly I was.

 _Shit, this is his bedroom!_ I realized, panicking. _I really need to stop blacking out!_ That was the understatement of the year.

Vrees walked to my bedside. Or rather, since it was his bed, his bedside. I made myself small as he approached, fearful of what he would do. I watched him with nervousness, clutching the blanket that had been placed over me. He looked me in the eye, and I got the feeling that he would not like it if I looked away.

“I’m sorry, Rose.” He had a guilty light to his eyes. One that I had never seen directed at me before from anyone. “I hurt you again. And, even though it was an accident, I feel horrible about it.”

I nodded. With new Vrees, I didn’t know if he actually felt guilty or not. I was used to studying his emotions so that I would know when to avoid him, but it seemed as if he had unlocked a whole new range. When he realized that nodding would be my only response, he sighed. Vrees pulled up a chair and put it backwards, straddling it like a cowboy. The action made the corner of my lips twitch upwards. He was such a child at times.

“So, how are you feeling?” He asked in an oddly pleasant tone of voice. 

“B-better.” I replied. I figured that, due to my stutter, it would be less annoying for the both of us if I didn’t talk much. Not that I had much that I wanted to talk to him about.

He nodded. “In case you were wondering, you missed supper. I had them save you a bowl of soup though.” I stiffened. They’d had supper without me? Oh no. I would get a beating for this for sure. Vrees saw my reaction to his words. “Don’t worry,” He said, placing his hand over my stiffened one. I noticed that he had really calloused knuckles, and it was probably from hitting me. That thought wasn’t exactly comforting. He continued, “no one is going to hurt you anymore. I’ll see to it.”

I nodded hesitantly. With an impetuous burst of curiosity, I asked him a question that I knew he would not like. “V-vrees… why d-didn’t you, well, r-r-reject me as s-soon as you f-found out th-that I w-w-was your m-mate?”

His gaze was so intense, that I could not help but look away. I gasped when his fingers touched the underside of my chin and gently pushed it up. I met his eyes again, and they had not lost a single ounce of intensity. His low brows were scrunched up, as if he could not figure out the answer to a problem, and his dark lips were pressed into a tight line. My breathing increased, and for the first time, I noticed the natural attraction I had to him.

He grinned at me impishly, as if he knew the effect he was having on my traitorous body. “I haven’t rejected you because you are the most beautiful, wonderful, lively, intelligent girl I have ever met. I was a fool and an ass to ever think anything else of you.” 

I gulped. I both liked the way he was looking at me and talking to me, and feared it at the same time. What I really wanted to do right now was to look down, or away, and just hide from him. But he had practically told me that that was not an option. I bit my cheek, wondering what he expected me to do. Not knowing how to respond, I said nothing, and waited for him to break the silence. Maybe it didn't seem awkward to him, but I didn't know what the appropriate length of silence was allowed before it became so.

Thankfully, he spoke before I become too nervous. Or well, maybe I wasn't so thankful when I heard his question. "Were you going to leave because of me, Rose?"

I nodded slowly and cautiously, not mentioning that I was still going to leave because of him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry that I'v caused you so much pain. If I knew that you were my mate..."

He didn't have to finish that sentence. I know what he would have said. He would have said that if he knew that I was his mate, he would have never hurt me, but that did not make me less angry or afraid. It made me more so, because I knew that if I wasn't his mate, he would have continued to hurt me. His own admission proved to me that he hadn't stopped because he was hurting me, but because he was hurting his mate. I needed to leave here and get away form this **_sociopath_** before he decided to hurt me again.

After a few moments of contemplation, Vrees looked at me with a different expression, one that I had seen on him before but didn't know what it meant. "Rose, I want to get to know you more. I mean, I hardly know a thing about you, despite the fact that we've known each other for years." Again, I held my tongue, and didn't tell him that the reason for that was because he had spent most of that time beating me.

"So," he began, "tell me about yourself."

I looked at him warily. "What d-do you want to kn-know, sir?"

"I told you, call me Vrees."

"R-right. Vrees." I corrected.

"Hmm, well, lets start with your hobbies. What do you like to do in your free time?"

Hobbies? One of my favorite hobbies was running away from the people who beat me up. That usually took up most of my free time. "I... l-like to shift. D-does th-that count?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, but every wolf-shifter does that. What else do you do?"

Well, he had me stumped there. What did I like to do? "Well, I... I s-study for school? Th-that can b-be fun."

He looked at me skeptically. "Homework? That's what you do for fun?"

I shrugged. He seemed content to forget that my life largely revolved around his mood, and whether he wanted to hurt me. Every creative venture that I had enjoyed had been destroyed by him. I was pretty sure that the only reason he didn't destroy my homework, was because he thought I hated it.

"W-well, when I was y-younger, I l-liked to d-draw."

"You don't anymore though?"

I shook my head no. Did he honestly not remember? It had been a memorable moment for me when I came back to my cupboard do find all of my drawings shredded. I had cried for hours about that. But maybe it was something that he had immediately put out of his mind, like all my other torments. I looked away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes. I didn't want him to see the rampant emotions that were swirling through me like so many scarves in a breeze.

"Look at me, Rose." He said, touching his fingers to my chin again lightly. I was surprised at how gentle his touch could be when he wanted it to.

I looked up, surely a pitiful sight. "Y-yes, V-v-vrees?"

"It was me, wasn't it? I vaguely remember tearing up something of yours a few years back. Pictures, I think." He sighed. "They were beautiful." I nodded my agreement. Well, at least he hadn't forgotten. Although, I didn't know what consolation that was supposed to be.

"Wait." He said, getting up in a rush and turning around. Opening his closet, he pulled out a box and ruffled through it, looking for something. My curiosity got the better of me, and I swung my legs to the side of the bed. "Ha ha!" Vrees exclaimed with a sound that I would describe as almost triumphant. He took the thing that he was carrying, and brought it to me. "Look," he said, "I remember this one. I thought it was too pretty to destroy, but, well," he looked away ashamed, "I didn't want you to have it."

I nodded. I wasn't surprised. What I was surprised at was that he had kept something of mine.

"But, look at it." He told me, smiling.

I did, and I gasped. This picture depicted a lone grey wolf in a clearing. My clearing, in fact. I drew the picture the week after finding it, and it was my prized possession. That was, until Vrees noticed how I felt about it and, I thought, tore it up. Tears welled up in my eyes despite my efforts to suppress them. I didn't even notice that they had spilled over until Vrees wiped a tear from my cheek.

"I know you don't believe me, Rose, but I am truly sorry for what I, and my friends, have done to you."

He was right. I didn't believe him. But I nodded anyway. I knew that Vrees still held the temper that had ruled my life up to that point, but I was no longer sure of what would trigger it. I didn't want to irritate him by blatantly refusing to forgive him.

Vrees lifted his left hand, and brushed the back of his index finger against my cheek. "You are really beautiful, you know." My whole body stiffened at his words, and at his touch. Alarm bells went off in my head. I had promised myself years ago that he would not touch me like that, and that if he did, I would immediately stop him, no matter the cost. But… was it different now that we were mates? No, I decided. It wasn’t.

“V-vrees?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“What is it, dear?” he stood up and sat down in his bed next to me, wrapping his arm around me. No, no, no, that only made it worse.

I looked away from him, frightened out of my wits. “P-p-please d-d-don’t t-touch me l-like th-th-that.” I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried, and failed, to keep a grip on my stutter.

He instantly released me. I was actually surprised. I had expected him to become angry, or worse, just ignore me. “Sorry, Rose. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Astonished as I was, I let in the thought that Vrees might have actually changed. No, I told myself, people don’t just change at the snap of their fingers. If people do change, it’s a hard and drawn out process. What does change, however, is their priorities. If I wanted to know how to avoid new Vrees’s anger, I would have to figure out what his priorities now were.

“Vrees, d-do you w-want me to be… y-y-your g-g-girlfriend?”

He looked over at me, and I saw the answer in his eyes. The only question would be whether he would lie or not.

“Yes. I do. You _are_ my mate after all. And I don’t think I could bear to see you with another man.”

I snorted softly, he had different reasons now of course, but this part was no different. Because of Vrees, I had never been allowed a boyfriend. I had once been approached by a human boy, only to have Vrees attack him and put him in the hospital when he tried to intervene in my beatings. I had never allowed it to go that far with a boy again.

“What was that?” He asked with an eyebrow raised.

Oh, had he heard me? Dang his shifter hearing. “N-nothing.” Sir.

He looked amused, an emotion that made me instinctually afraid when it was directed at me. “Did you just snort at me?”

I chewed my bottom lip nervously. “Umm, n-no?”

He smirked, “Yes you did.” And before I knew it, he was laughing.

I blinked, mystified. I had much to learn about new Vrees.

“I d-don’t mean to be rude, sir, but m-may I leave n-now?” As everyone did, when I said that I didn’t mean to be rude, that was the exact thing I meant to be. Or at least, less polite than I usually was towards him. I’d begun to realize that Vrees was not going to hit me for a simple slip-up anymore. In fact, it might even amuse him.

That sobered him up fairly quickly. “What are you going to do?” He asked, his voice brimming with curiosity.

I shrugged. “G-go to my r-room?”

He nodded, “Oh yes, about that. I understand that you wouldn’t quit feel comfortable sleeping in my room.” He must have seen the shock on my face, because he hurriedly finished the thought. “But I want to move you into a bigger room. If you can hardly call that cupboard you sleep in a room. I’m fairly sure that it was built to store brooms and such in.”

“I d-don’t think that I w-would know what t-to d-do with a b-bigger room, sir.” I admitted, slightly abashed.

“I thought I told you not to call me sir.”

“S-sorry, you d-did.”

“Good.” He crossed his legs on his bed. “So what issues do you have with a bigger room?”

I felt his gaze bearing down on me, and I let my black hair sweep over my face like a curtain. There, that felt more comfortable. “I d-don’t, not really. It’s just… I don’t f-feel like I n-need a b-b-bigger room. And I don’t h-have any things to p-p-put in it, if I w-were t-to g-get one, so I d-don’t r-really see the p-p-point. Also, th-there are a finite n-number of rooms in th-the p-pack house, so if I w-were to get a b-b-bigger room, I’d either have t-to share, which I d-do n-not want to d-do, or kick someone out of th-their r-room. So th-they’d p-p-probably b-be angry at m-me.”

Vrees was smirking again. It was actually getting quite annoying.

“Wh-what?”

He chuckled, “I think that’s the longest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” My sun tanned pale skin must have turned a shade pinker than before, because I felt heat rush to my face. I looked up at him through my curtain of hair, and he looked deep in thought.

“Alright, Rose, how about this: I won’t let you stay in your cupboard. That’s not an option for me.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me, “Now hold on, I’m not finished. I won’t let you stay in your cupboard, but you can go into Berta’s room. She’s been complaining that it’s too small for her lately, and I’m sure that she won’t mind sharing a room with someone else if it means that she can be in a bigger one.”

I chewed on my lip, thinking about this. Finally I nodded, deciding that it would be okay. It wasn’t as if I planned to stay here long. Just long enough to get Vrees’s guard down so that he would be surprised when I ran.

“May I sleep in my cupboard tonight though, Vrees? I asked.

He nodded, and then smiled. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

I refrained from telling him that he was the reason I had ever felt anything but.


	11. Vrees’s POV

I yawned and stretched. Then I jumped out of bed. Literally. I laughed as I flung the curtains open and saw one of the most beautiful sights there was. The sun was rising. I hurriedly put on a pair of junky shorts and a tee-shirt before rushing out of my room, and then out of the house. I ran to the nearest tree and put my clothes in a hole in a tree. That way I could easily find them.

On the thought of clothes, my mind drifted to Rose’s slight by one of my pack members. I had yet to find out who it was, but I would question Rose later about if she saw anything else. I sighed, remembering what I had accidentally done to her. That shift of hers had sounded more painful than any I’d ever had. Just another thing I had to apologize to her for. At this point, if she hated me, I wouldn’t hold it against her.

I shifted in under two minutes. I was proud of that fact. Because I ran nearly every other morning, my shifting time was the fastest of any in the pack. I wondered what Rose’s time was. The girl, what was it…? Oh yes, Tamarin. She told me that by the time she finished shifting in six minutes, Rose had already gone. It was impressive, but not actually that surprising. I had almost never seen Rose go multiple days without shifting. I figured that she liked being a wolf more than a human. I sighed again as I realized that it was probably because of me.

I ran through the woods, feeling the dewy leaves brush against my fur as I slipped through against the trees. Animals of the forest instinctively avoid breaking twigs and sticks, and wolf-shifters are no different. At some point I started speeding up. Don’t ask me why. I got faster and faster, until I was sure I was going fifty miles an hour.

Woah, this is hard. Exhilarating, though! I thought, excited as I could feel the blood pumping through my veins and the soft dirt under my paws felt amazing. My whole body ached, but that just encouraged me to run even faster. I pushed my wolf body into a sprint, something that wolves did not usually like to do, and I grinned as I could feel the familiar ache in my back legs.

I should turn back. I suddenly realized. I made a u-turn while slowing down -although still running at a breakneck pace- and I ran back. I slowed to around 35mph, and took a leisurely pace on the return trip.

I shifted back, feeling amazingly good. I clothed myself, and then went inside. Only a few people were up at this time. I vaguely wondered when Rose usually got up. Rose… Mmm… I could smell her from here. I licked my lips, wanting to follow that scent to see where she got around to. No! I told myself. Being creepy and following her around the house won’t help your cause at all. And anyway, we have school today. You have to wake everybody up. Actually, that part would be rather easy. All I had to do was…

“WAKE UP!” I roared. I didn’t usually do that, and I knew I had scared the be-jeebies out of them. I could instantly smell the collective adrenaline of a whole pack house waking up in fear all at once. I heard a few thumps, and I think a couple of the kids fell off their beds. I chuckled to myself and made my way to the kitchen.

My eyes flicked across the room and I saw three people. Rose, Tony, and Ed. Ed was short for Edward, which was a family name, but since Twilight, he refused to be called that. Tony was giving Rose a hard time. Apparently he was one of many who were bum-sore about the fact that she hadn’t made them dinner last night. They’d had to fend for themselves. Oh, boo hoo. I sneered.

“And we all expect not only a proper dinner tonight, but dessert as well. Got it, Omega?” He finished. He had been listing all the things that she apparently was ‘expected’ to do because of the missed dinner. Rose nodded.

“What are we talking about?” I asked, sauntering up and sitting down on a bench near to Rose. She was making scrambled eggs, and the smell pleased me almost as much as her scent.

“The girl missed making us dinner last night remember?” He glared at her, sure that I was going to help him punish her later. He was one of the few, aside from my gang, who actively participated in our little game of cat and mouse. Oh boy was he wrong this time.

“And? Don’t we have a fully functioning pack? Are you saying that no one except for her knows how to make food? If all else fails, you all should have at least been able to shift and hunt for food.”

Tony sat, gaping at me. I inwardly smirked. From now on, no one messes with Rose. “Yes, but that’s not the point. The point is that she wasn’t here. You told us that if she ever missed dinner, we had to punish her.”

“Well I changed my mind.” I snarled. “She’s mine. You don’t get to decide how to punish her.” All of the sudden, I realized something. To any other shifter, that would have sounded like someone claiming their mate. But that was how I’d always acted. I had always acted overly possessive and jealous of Rose because I treated her like my personal object. My chew toy, to be played with and tossed aside. The list of apologies grows and grows. I thought somberly. Tony was staring at me with shock. I snapped my teeth at him, annoyed.

“Here you go.” She said, coming up and giving the plate of eggs to Tony. Her stutter was gone, as it always was when she was either faking cheeriness or crying in pain. But then she hesitated, her eyes flicking from him to me. At first I was confused as to what that meant, but then I realized that she was wondering if it would make me angry to not be served first.

“What are you making?” I asked her. “Just scrambled eggs?”

The fake cheeriness was gone from her voice now that I was asking her an actual question. “I, uhh, n-no. I’m m-making p-pancakes too. Scrambled eggs d-don’t make enough for a whole p-pack.”

“Ahh. In that case, I’ll have some pancakes when they’re done.” I smiled at her. She nodded and ducked her head down, avoiding my eyes. Damn, that was starting to annoy me. I loved how her unreadable dark brown eyes seemed to sparkle only for me. But then, maybe that sparkle was a trace of fear that she reserved just for me. I cursed myself again. When Tony was done eating and had left the kitchen, I knew I only had a few minutes before everyone started filing in for breakfast.

“Rose, did you see anything that might give us a clue as to who destroyed your clothes?”

“It w-was a b-black wolf. I only c-caught a glimpse though. The b-brown wolf was your spy though, r-right?”

Tamarin was brown. “Yes, her wolf form is brown.”

“Ok-kay.”

Hmm. I thought about this information. There were not many black wolves in this pack. Only five, actually. One of them being Alita. She was my prime suspect. Alita’s wolf form was black with gray flecks and highlights. Derek’s was brown with white flecks and gray undertones. Snipe’s was gray with black highlights. And mine was grey with brown undertones and a white ring around the collar.

“Rose, did the wolf you saw have grey in the fur?”

“H-how should I know? I only g-got a glimpse of it’s f-fur.” She answered, her back turned to me as she mixed the pancake batter in a bowl. I smiled as I realized that she was trusting me enough to turn her back to me, but I frowned when I realized that she was probably doing it so that I wouldn’t look at her. Unless I was over-reading both, and neither was true.

“Oh, well never mind.” I said. “Just wondering, y’know.” She nodded.


	12. Rose’s POV

I was sure that it was Alita. I mean, who else would have done that? Despite Tony, Stephanie, and my gang’s attitude, I had always gotten the feeling that most of my pack disapproved of what I did to Rose. Now I saw why. How had I not seen before, though? How had I not seen how wrong it was to hurt a member of my pack like that? My pack was my brothers and sisters in bond.

Rose had not only made me realize how wrong I had been, but she made me open my eyes to how wrong it was to hurt anyone, let alone of your own pack. It was not wrong to love violence, but it was wrong to inflict it without reason or cause. It was… evil. I was glad that my mate was Rose instead of Alita or similar. A person like Alita could have only led me the wrong way, and with her, I would probably have never realized what I knew now.

It was as if my very thoughts had summoned her, because with more than half the pack already here, Alita walked into the kitchen. She wore a lot of makeup, so even if she ever did get up early, not that she did, it would take her a while to get ready. I stood and walked to her. I would confront her here and now, even if half of the pack was here.

“Hey, Alita,” I said gruffly, walking up to her, I decided to go for straightforward. “were you the one who destroyed Rose’s clothing?”

She smiled at me in a way that made me want to hit someone. “Oh, yeah, that was me.” She laughed. “The bitch is probably crying about it now. But whatever. She didn’t make us dinner last night, so I’m looking forward to beating her. What about you, baby?” I knew that she was testing me, and yet the edges of my vision turned red. Jeez, I usually had better control. We hadn’t talked since Pairings, and she was calling me ‘baby’ because she wanted to know if I’d found my mate. What she didn’t know what that her insult to Rose made me even more angry.

“First of all,” I started, “don’t call me that anymore. Only my mate can call me that now.” At least I had left no doubt in her mind that I had found my mate. “Second of all, you, me, Snipe, and Derek? Either something’s going to have to change, or we can’t be friends anymore.”

Alita stared at me for a few moments. I could practically see the gears turning in her mind. “It’s her, isn’t it?” She asked, looking over my shoulder at Rose. “The Omega’s your mate?”

“She’s not an Omega.” I growled.

“But it is her?”

“Yes.”

Alita thought about this as well for a moment. “Okay, so we get a new Omega and-

“No.” I replied, not even letting her finish her thought.

She blinked, confused, “What? What’s wrong?”

“We are, Alita. What we did to Rose was wrong, I see that now. But because I was mainly the instigator of her abuse, none of you shall be punished. However, if any of you ever treats a member of your own pack like we’ve treated Rose, there will be serious consequences.”

I had started out talking to Alita, but by the time I was done, I knew that I had attracted enough attention to count this as a speech for all of my pack. When I was finished, I heard some clapping, and even some cheering. But there were also some stunned looks, like the ones I was getting from Alita and Tony.

“Does everyone understand?” I shouted. I knew everyone in the pack house could hear me with their shifter hearing. The answer was more cheering, louder than before. I’m pretty sure that someone stomped their feet on the floor, and I suppressed a smile.

Haldo came up behind me laughing, and clapped me on the back. “I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses, Vrees.”

“Come to his senses?” Alita exclaimed. “Vrees, there was nothing wrong with what we were doing. We shouldn’t have done it to your mate, granted, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t do it to someone else.” She shrugged, “And anyway, it’s fun. So who cares what we do?”

If nothing else about how she acted made me angry, this did. I grabbed her wrist, the one that she was waving about. “Is this what you’d like?” I shook her hard, my rage filling me. A red haze was encircling my vision. “Do you want me to hit you? And then do it again tomorrow? And then the day after that?” I slammed her against the wall, shouting. “Is that what you want?!”

She shook her head fearfully. I wasn’t relishing this, but I was so angry at her right then that I could rip off someone’s head.

“Then why would you wish it on another person?” I snarled at her.

I was tempted to smack her down, but Haldo grabbed my arm. He spun me around, put his hands on my shoulders, and stared me in the eyes. I was two inches taller than him, but his serious expression that calmed me down was one of the reasons that he was both my Beta and my best friend. He was the rational one, while I was the impetuous one.

“Don’t do it, Vrees. She’s scared. She doesn’t need you to show her what it’s like because she gets it now.” He gave me a firm shake. “You need to calm down.” He lowered his voice for this last part, “And focus on figuring out how to get Rose to trust you instead of punishing people.”

I nodded. What he was saying made sense, like it always did. I gave a weak humorless laugh. “I should have listened to you more often, Haldo. You can give good advice.” The people around me who had previously been unable to 

I helped Alita up, disgruntled as she was. She gave me a scowl and then stomped off outside. I turned back to Rose. She had finished cooking a whole half a plate of pancakes while that had been happening and she had her back turned, but her shifter hearing was just as good as any. I walked up to her, leaning on the counter, and pushed my hair out of my face. I had no idea what to say to her. So I went with simple.

“You know I’m sorry, right?” I murmured under my breath. She glanced at me from the side of her eye.

“I.. know th-that you feel b-bad about what y-you’ve done t-to me.” She replied.

“I truly am sorry, Rose,” I said.

Haldo sidled up on Roses other side, her right. “Hello there, Rose,” he said, smiling. She smiled back at him before flipping a pancake.

I frowned, “Haldo gets a smile but I don’t?”

“He kn-knows my name,” she retorted softly.

“I know your name!” I protested.

“H-he n-never hit me,” she countered. Damn.

I sighed, “I’m sorry.”

Haldo spoke, “Vrees, all joking aside, it’s going to take much more than apologies to prove it to her that you are truly sorry.”

I nodded, “But Rose, you will eventually forgive me, won’t you?”

“Don’t ask her that.” Haldo snapped, before she could answer, “The answer to your question depends not only on her, but also you and what you do. Don’t make it as if it’s just her decision.”

I was surprised that he told me off. He almost never did that. But then again I knew that I needed someone to snap at me on occasion, that was the main reason that I had Haldo. I rolled my eyes with a smirk, and gave him a friendly punch on the arm.

“Sorry,” I said to Rose, “he’s right. I shouldn’t have asked you that.”

Rose seemed to have watched the spat with a mixture of bewilderment and confusion. Her eyes were wider than they had been.

“You let him talk to you like that?” She asked, her voice soft, yet filled with astonishment and awe for Haldo. I didn’t like that it wasn’t directed at me, but what could I do.

“It’s not too bad to be on my good side,” I said, smiling softly at her. However, this did not get the reaction I was fishing for.

She scowled, “Well it’s h-horrible to be on your b-bad side.”

I sighed, “That it is.” Neither of us spoke for a bit unsure of what to say, and Haldo wandered off, saying that he needed to get ready for school. For the past four days we haven’t had to go to school because of the weekend and Pairings, but now everything was going back to normal. Or, as normal as it could get with hundreds of teenagers finding their mates and working it out. Even with ideal pairings, there was usually drama.

“What’s your favorite subject in school?” I asked her, suddenly curious.

“Sp-spanish. I’m nearly fluent in it,” She said modestly. I don’t know how a person can modestly say that they know a second language better than anyone else in a classroom, but somehow she did.

I grinned at her, “That’s wonderful! Can you say something to me now?”

She pursed her lips as if thinking, and then said, “Eres un bastardo sádico que le gusta hacer daño a las niñas. Y tú eres un niño mimado demasiado.” Despite the lack of a proper accent, her Spanish was so rapid-fire that I didn’t catch most of what she was saying. However, from what I did catch, I was pretty sure that she had insulted me.

“Did you just insult me in Spanish, Rose?” I asked, an eyebrow raised.

“N-no, sir.” She replied, her voice yet again timid.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’ve told you not to call me ‘sir’.”

She nodded nervously. Did I really look that upset? “S-sorry, y-you h-h-have… V-vrees.” I blinked. Wow, she literally just stuttered out every word in that four word sentence.

“I’m sorry, love,” I said in my kindest voice, “am I making you nervous?”

Rose looked up at me through her lashes and nodded meekly, biting her lower lip. She did that when she was either thinking or nervous. Flipping five pancakes onto plate, she poured five more pools of pancake batter on the large skillet. I expected her to remain silent again until I prompted her or something. She seemed too nervous to say anything, and yet, she surprised me.

“Wh-what’s your f-favorite sc-school subject, Vrees?” She asked me. I beamed at her, mentally applauding her for her bravery in talking to me.

“History, actually,” I told her, “it’s really fascinating if you think about the story of the people, instead of just the dull and dry facts that the teachers drone on about.”

Her expression told me that she was just as surprised by my answer as I was by her question. “I w-would have thought you a ‘it’s either l-lunch or g-gym’ kind of guy,” she giggled. I mean, she actually giggled. My eyes widened a bit. I had never heard such a beautiful sound come out of anyone’s mouth.

She narrowed her eyes, “What? Wh-why are you b-b-being all weird…?” My cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. And then I was hit with the sudden realization that I was blushing. Wow, I never did that.

“It’s just… when you giggle like that, it sounds amazing. It’s the best sound I’ve ever heard in my life.” I smirked at her as she blushed. I was used to doing the smirking, not the blushing. Whatever had just happened to make blood rush to my face was not normal for me at all.

Rose’s cheeks darkened even more, and she looked down at the food she was preparing, trying to avoid my eyes. For some reason, I chose this moment to be impetuous. I reached up with my first two fingers and gently pushed her chin up. Her beautiful honey brown skin looked even more magnificent when compared to my own pale fingers. I smiled while staring in to her eyes.

“The pancakes are burning,” I mentioned conversationally. She swore loudly and I chuckled as she fumbled to turn down the heat and get the pancakes onto the plate.

“They are so going to make me eat those ones,” she muttered under her breath. I got the feeling that the only reason she wasn’t stuttering was that those words weren’t meant for me.

“Nah, you’ll eat the best, most well done, golden… est pancakes that you made. You made them after all. And if no one eats the burnt pancakes, then I will,” I told her all this very sincerely, and that was because I meant it. I would eat a hundred burnt pancakes if it meant that Rose didn’t have to eat one. Immediately after I had that though, I laughed at myself, because it was totally true while still being a totally ridiculous thought.

Breakfast, school, and after was wonderful that day, because I knew that I would eat all of Rose’s burnt pancakes to spare her from eating one.


	13. Rose’s POV

“Rose,” he asked me, “aside from Spanish, what do you think is your favorite subject in school?”

I thought about this for a moment. What was my second favorite subject?

“I suppose… th-that it would have to b-b-be math.”

He nodded, accepting my answer, and I looked out the window again. He and I were riding the bus to school, a day after the Alita incident. I still couldn’t believe that Pairings had only been three days ago. I looked over at Vrees. His dark amber-ish eyes went well with his pale skin and light brown hair. He must have sensed my gaze, because he turned his head to mine and smiled at me. I blushed, embarrassed to be caught staring.

Taking the bus was not a daily activity for me. I normally avoided it, simply because it was Vrees’s usual mode of transportation. I looked down at my dark arms and frowned, a sudden thought forming in my mind. I glanced up at Vrees through the corner of my eye, wondering if I could find the courage to ask him the question I had in mind.

“Well? What is it? Spit it out already,” he said. I jumped. Was he really that good at reading my body language?

“I d-don’t know what you’re t-talking about,” I lied.

He chuckled, “Oh come on, Rose. Don’t play dumb. What was it that you wanted to say?”

I hunched my shoulders and let my midnight black hair fall in front of my face like a curtain. “I- err… before, you said-“

“I can’t understand you when you’re mumbling, love,” he interrupted.

I sat up a bit straighter and tried to make my words as clear as possible, “The other d-day, when I woke up in your room and we started t-talking, you said… you said that I was b-b-beautiful.” He nodded, a sign for me to go on. “Well, it’s just... d-did you mean that merely as a compliment, or, like, as a st-statement of f-fact?” I realized how that question would sound alone. “I m-mean, it’s not that I’m f-fishing for a compliment or anyth-thing. I j-just w-wanted to know… You know?”

Vrees gave me a soft and warm smile. It amazed me at how the expressions he gave me changed now from what they had been. Before he found out that I was his mate, his expressions towards me usually ranged from contempt to disgust, from cruel amusement to simmering anger. Now his laughter made me feel shy and his smiles made me feel as if I were glowing. What was this boy doing to me?

“I have never met anyone more beautiful than you. Even before I knew you were my mate, I always thought that.”

I looked at him, astonished, “B-but, you always told me that I w-was ugly. E-everyone kn-knew that-”

“I lied.”

“B-but… why?”

He sighed, “You see, I told you that you were ugly so that you would feel less about your self-worth. If you thought you were worth more… then you might not have put up with my mistreatment of you as much as you did. I was… manipulating you to do what I wanted.” After an uncomfortable pause, he said, “I’m sorry.” Vrees almost seemed to deflate as he said these words.

I pursed my lips and frowned. My mind worked through the information, and finally I shrugged. “I’m n-not surprised. It makes sense.”

He blinked at me, his expression a mask of blank confusion, “You’re not angry?”

I shook my head, “Not b-because of th-that. I’ve n-never r-really understood why you all thought I look-ked ugly when I th-thought I looked p-pretty average c-compared to everyone else. If anyone, I would th-think that it would b-be Alita wh-who you’d call ugly.”

“Alita’s a lot of things, but she’s not that ugly. She’s a little chubby, is all. It doesn’t stop her from being one of the most well liked girls in school.” He stated. His voice was almost defensive.

I sighed, looking back out the bus window. “I know,” I said.

“What’s wrong, love?” His voice was soft as he put his arm around me. I stiffened, surprised at the unexpected close motion.

“Sorry, Rose.” He pulled his arm off the seat back.

I laughed humorlessly; I was surprised that I was able to muster the confidence to display such a mocking tone to Vrees. “You kn-know,” I began, “if this w-were a movie, I’d pr-probably be the popular g-girl and Alita would b-be the lonely nerd who had no fr-friends. Simply b-because of how antisocial, mean, and fat sh-she is. Instead, I’ve been p-picked on and ab-bused for most of my life simply because you d-didn’t l-like me.”

Vrees sighed, “Why does it have to be either way though? Can’t we start a new version of this story where that never has to happen again?”

I looked up at him, his face too close to mine for my liking. “It’s like this b-because no one l-lives in a p-perfect world. There’ll always be people like y-you who enjoy h-hurting others.” I shifted my weight ever so slightly, leaning towards the window and away from him. I don’t know why I agreed to take the bus with him. Oh wait, I didn’t. He had insisted that I not walk to school, like I did every day before he realized that I was his mate.

“I’m sorry, Rose. If I could take it all back I would.” Vrees’s voice was somewhere between annoyed and pleading. He took my hand in his, as if I had given him some invisible permission for that.

“Well fr-frankly I don’t care about your d-damned apologies!” I said, my pent up anger exploding forth in a quiet, yet scathing torrent of words. I yanked my hand away from his, “I d-don’t c-care if you want to t-take it all back, be-because it happened! That’s m-my life, n-now g-g-get over it!” I turned my back to him and stared out the window again. One second later, I regretted raising my voice to him. His growl confirmed what I suspected. He was angry. I looked over at him nervously; he was upset all right. His fists were clenched into little balls of rage, and his teeth were sharper than human teeth normally should be.

I realized that I should try to calm him down before he started to attack me, or someone else. I wasn’t sure how angry I had to get him before he snapped at me. “L-look, Vrees, I’m s-sorry I said th-that. I didn’t-”

“Don’t apologize, Rose. Just… just give me a minute, would you?” He said.

“Y-yeah… Sure.” I responded. I wrapped my arms around my knees, curling up into the fetal position. I rested my head against the cold glass and sighed.

Vrees didn’t speak to me again for the three remaining minutes of the trip, and before either of us knew it, we were already there. He was distantly polite helping me out of the bus, but he didn’t try to talk to me. For that I was thankful. Despite what Vrees seemed to think, I knew that I wouldn’t forgive him. I knew that I could never trust my tormentor the way he wanted me to. I would carry out my original plan soon. When I ran away, I would do my best to make sure that Vrees never found me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thirteen's my lucky number. So I'm gonna post another chapter.


	14. Vrees’s POV

There was the guilt. I had been expecting that. Every time I upset Rose now, I felt guilt. However, this time I had to bear the guilt of knowing that I had been so close to snapping at her as well, and by snapping, I mean attacking. There was regret too; also expected. But I felt tense. Worried. An unexpected emotion surged through me, and despite my feverish mind, it took me a while to figure out what it was. I lay in my king sized bed, beating myself up because I had broken my unspoken promise to myself to never hurt her again, and I felt fear.

The uncomfortable emotion came again. A wave of it rolled over me, choking me, making me feel like I was drowning in it. Why was I afraid? It didn’t make sense, or maybe it did... Maybe I was afraid because I knew that I would eventually hurt Rose. Or maybe it was because of the still high possibility of her running away. If she left me now, I didn’t know what I would do. I had to at least try to prove myself worthy of her. If she still decided that she wanted nothing to do with me, I would let her go of course, but how could I let that happen without her even giving the thought of ‘us’ a chance?

I needed to stop thinking about this, but the silence of the calm warm night was as distracting as my thoughts, and I couldn’t sleep. I could faintly hear some of my pack members breathing deeply. On impulse, I got out of bed and slipped my socks on. I wasn’t going to bother with the shoes because I was probably going to shift or something. I only even put my socks on because it would muffle my footfalls. I was still wearing my pajamas.

I snuck out of the house as quietly as I could. I told my two guards that I was leaving through the mind-link. Every night, there were eight shifters who took the night shift, two at a time, handpicked by me. They traded out periodically. We didn’t have to guard during the day, but that was mostly because the adults had guards around the whole perimeter of our territory. Our guards were actually just to make sure no one but pack leader snuck out at night. It was stupid, in my opinion, but that was one of the terms we all had to agree to to live without adults breathing down our necks all the time. To be honest, it was a pretty sweet deal.

I decided to walk into the woods for a while before I shifted. It wasn’t often that I fully appreciated the woods at night in human form. I put my hands into the pockets of my red flannel pajama pants, my grey tee-shirt ruffled loosely against my skin as a breeze entered the wood. I probably shouldn’t have brought my socks, on second thought. They were most likely unusable now. I thought as I strolled through the muddy forest.

Suddenly I heard a twig snap. I froze, my wolf-like instincts kicking in. I listened hard for the intruder. Figuring that it was most likely someone from my pack following me, I decided to give them a scare. I thought that most of them had learned by now not to try and sneak up on me. I heard the shallow breath of someone nervous. Perfect. Doubling back, I made sure to be as quiet as possible. I crept up behind them, and… wait. What was Rose doing out here? I leaned against a tree and sighed loudly. She spun around with a jolt, eyes wide, but at least I hadn’t jumped out at her with my fangs bared, growling ‘boo’. I might have given her a heart attack.

“What are you doing out here, Rose?” I asked her, crossing my arms.

“I-I c-could ask you th-the same qu-question,” she replied, narrowing her eyes. She uncertainly rubbed her left upper arm.

“You could. So do it.” I said with a small smile. I raised an eyebrow. I’d noticed that it sometimes relaxed her when I did that for some reason.

“Wh-what _are_ you d-doing out h-here?” She didn’t return the smile, but she looked a little less weary.

“I was taking a walk to clear my head. I was having a little trouble sleeping. What about you? Also, how did you even get out here without the guards alerting me?”

“I w-as having tr-trouble sleeping t-too. I’m n-not used to my new b-bed yet,” she looked away from me, probably thinking that I would hold her discomfort against her. “And your g-guards let me p-pass without qu-question. I think they assumed I w-was w-with you…”

I laughed. Of course they did. I would have to talk to them about assuming anything when it came to letting people leave.

“Well, now that you’re out here, would you like to come with me on my walk?” My tone was conversational, but I was still worried that she’d take my offer the wrong way. “If you want to go back, of course, I’ll take you there instead.”

“Th-that’s okay,” she responded. “I… I don’t think I’d m-mind going w-with you.”

I smiled at her. “Alright then. Do you want to shift?” I searched her eyes as she responded. Sometimes, I felt that she was more comfortable with me as a wolf than she was with me as a human.

“Y-yeah. Sure. To tell you the t-truth, I h-haven’t actually shifted s-since… what happened.” She flicked her eyes away from mine again. This act both pleased me and extremely irritated me. I liked it that she was submissive sometimes, but I hated that she didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to even let me look her in the eyes.

“You know that you don’t have to look away from me, right Rose?” I asked her.

She bit her lip, still not looking me in the eye. “D-does it anger you wh-when I do it?”

“No,” I frowned, “it doesn’t really. And I suppose that if you prefer it, I can’t argue. But I want you to know that you don’t ever have to again. I won’t make you.” She nodded. I sighed inwardly. “Anyway, let’s go shift. Be right back.”

*****

I arrived back at the spot where I last saw her at almost the same time she did.

 _Where do you want to go?_ I asked her via the mindlink as I padded towards her. Gosh, her fur had the most beautiful streaks of white and brown.

 _We could go to the river?_ She suggested. I felt all of her rampant emotions flooding through the mindlink. Last time we ran together -I was trying to forget the disastrous end of that outing- she hadn’t come off to me as good with hiding her thoughts or emotions. I thought at the time that maybe it was because I unnerved her so much, but now I was wondering if maybe she just wasn’t good at closing her mind to others.

 _That sounds perfect, Rosie._ I let her sense a bit of my happiness to be with her. She did her best to ignore it.

 _My name is Rose, Vrees. Not Rosie, Omega, or girl._ She sounded irritated, but I was just happy that she felt comfortable enough around me to be honest with her irritation.

_Okay, Rose. That sounds great. How about you and I not wait for sunrise to leave though?_

_Okay then._ She replied, less irritated than before. _Lead the way._

I started off at a slow pace, barely walking more quickly than a trot. Through our link, I sensed her uncertainty as to how she should run with me. _Right flank, love._ I told her cheerfully, and then severed the link. Oddly enough, I was usually more energetic at night than I was during the day. Maybe my lack of sleep would catch up to me the next day.

She ran with me as quickly as the last time we’d run together. It was amazing and exhilarating, and I loved the thought of having her at my side forever. We reached the river in no time, and I took a quick drink to make sure that I kept hydrated, although that wasn’t as much a problem for wolves as it was for humans. I rolled around next to the river like a pup, and I ended up chewing on some grass. I glanced over at Rose, and she was still standing where she’d come out of the clearing. She was eyeing me warily.

 _Come on, Rose. Let’s play!_ I told her with my tail up and a playful growl. I didn’t use the mindlink, because for some reason, just being two wolves together in a clearing felt more sincere to me than reading each other's thoughts did. She stiffly walked towards my crouching figure. I jumped forward and nudged her flank, then I jumped back and took off sprinting. She took off after me like a bolt of lightning. Before I knew it, she tagged me back and ran away. We did this a few more times until we were both panting from happy exhaustion.

I stepped into the river, which was really just a thirteen foot wide stream that went on for a while. I didn’t know who started calling it a river, but they were probably pretty stupid. I lapped up a few more gulps, and then I laid down on the riverbank. Which was still not a real riverbank, but was grassy and soft. Rose’s playfulness wore off almost instantly after we finished chasing each other, but she did seem to be infinitesimally more comfortable around me. Or maybe that was just my imagination.

She slowly walked up to me. I wasn’t sure if she was still nervous or not. She was probably uncomfortable that I was lying down while she was standing though. I wasn’t going to stand up, so she’d just have to deal with that. I yawned. Actually, all this running around was making me tired.

Rose laid down next to me. Her fur wasn’t touching mine, but she was close enough that were I to stretch my legs, I’d bump her side. My mind wandered off to other things. Me and her still had the traces of a mindlink, and I suddenly had a few strange ideas about how attractive I looked. I listened curiously to the faint whispers of her mind, my lips twitching upwards. According to what I was hearing, this was only the second time that she’d admitted to herself that she did find me attractive, and apparently it was taking up most of her mind right now. I wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed or complimented. But one thing I did feel for certain was that I was spying. These were her personal thoughts. I remembered what I wanted to say to her from earlier.

 _Rose,_ I said through the mindlink, _I think that I should teach you how to fully protect your mind while you’re mindlinking._

 _What are you talking about, Vrees?_ She cocked her head to the right. _I already know how to do that._

I chuckled. _Oh you do now?_

 _Yes._ She said with absolute certainty. She wondered why I thought she didn’t.

_I think that you don’t, Rose. I can hear your thoughts right now, ones that I’m sure you don’t want me to know about._

_What are you talking…_ Before she finished that thought, she leaped up with a yelp and dashed behind a cluster of trees.

 _Rose?_ I asked the darkness with my thoughts. She didn’t respond.

_Rose, come on, I didn’t mean to intrude on your thoughts._

_How much did you hear?_

_Nothing solid. Just, the general direction._ I said.

After a pause, she came out of the bushes. Her head was low and her tail fell down in a neutral position. _I’m… sorry I was so rude. I... do want you to teach me how to protect my mind, though._

I wagged my tail. _Great!_ I rolled around in the grass one more time before I got serious. _Okay, well, you might as well get comfortable,_ I sat down on my haunches, _this might take a while._

 _Okay._ She replied and then sat down in front of me. _Let’s get this over with._


	15. Rose’s POV

I watched him warily. I couldn’t believe that I let him hear my thoughts about him. Those, especially the ones I wasn’t even ready to admit to myself that I had, were private. Why was it that he managed to hear my thoughts right when I was thinking about _that_?

 _It wasn’t just that._ He said, _I’ve been able to hear most of your thoughts since we mindlinked._

I jumped. _You have? Why didn’t you tell me, Vrees?!_

 _But I just did._ He said defensively.

 _No, you… you can’t just… Ugg! Why didn’t you tell me when you first heard it?!_ My frustration and outrage was clear through the link. And the fact that he could hear my thoughts probably made how upset I was painstakingly clear. I growled quietly.

 _Rose, do you want me to teach you how to guard your mind or not?_ He was obviously fed up with my dismay and growling. That was too bad though, because he didn’t have the right to be fed up with anything I did. He didn’t have the right to do anything when it came to me. Sadly, he was the only one who would teach me how to prevent my every thought from being heard over the mind link.

I sighed. _Yes._ That didn’t mean that I was going to forgive him for invading my mind.

 _My god, Rose! I didn’t invade your mind. I could stop from hearing your thoughts just as much as I could stop from listening to you if you were whispering in my ear!_ He stretched his back and stood up. Vrees’s grey fur was grass stained, and it was actually a little funny.

 _I’ve decided that this would be easier if I was a human. So I’m going to shift._ He said. _Do you want to shift too?_

 _No,_ I responded, perhaps a little fast. _What about your clothes anyway?_ _You left them back at the house, remember?_

 _Actually, I keep a spare pair not far from here. It’ll just be a little trip to get there._ He grinned, as if he wanted me to congratulate his cleverness.

 _How often do you come here anyway?_ I asked him. If it was often enough that he kept a spare pair of clothes on hand, then this must be a preferred spot of his.

 _Nearly every third night._ Vrees paused like he was considering telling me something else. _...That’s about as often as I can’t go to sleep. I’m a bit of an insomniac._ He paused again, getting to his paws and making to leave the small clearing. _Anyway, I’ll be back in a few minutes._ He ran out.

What he’d said about being an insomniac surprised me. It was true that he had occasionally woken me up at night to take me out into the woods and hit me, and it was also true that every time I’d tried to run away, he happened to be awake, but I never thought he had trouble sleeping. I always thought he was just a light sleeper. This important fact was probably going to be very helpful for when I ran away.

I suddenly realized another reason to be around Vrees before I ran away: to know enough about him that he would never be able to find me again.

Vrees returned to the riverbank in human form with his clothes on properly. Thank god. I hadn’t bothered to shift. I didn’t need to, and I was more comfortable as a wolf than a human anyway. Vrees usually ended up hurting me in human form more than he did when I was a wolf. Bruises and cuts didn’t translate over shifts either, so when I was hurt, being a wolf was always more comfortable. (That didn’t stop them from hurting when I shifted back.) These were the biggest reasons I liked being a wolf more than a human. I got the feeling that Vrees knew it too.

I heard Vrees coming through the trees a few seconds before he entered the clearing. He sat down, cross legged, about five paces from me.

 _Come here,_ he said. _Sit by me._

I padded to him slowly. Not because I was particularly wary of Vrees or anything, just because I didn’t like making sudden movements. I sat down on my haunches. He was only a head taller than me in this position, but that was probably also because he was slouching and I wasn’t.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I watched him curiously. He looked as if he was concentrating on something.

_Okay Rose. Blocking your mind from someone else’s view is actually quite simple, though still difficult, if you know how. Usually, when people’s mind block slips, it’s just because of the concentration it takes. Are you understanding so far?_

I cocked my head. _You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know yet._

He chuckled. _Okay, then. Well, what I want you to do first is to focus very hard on something that would take up your whole mind. You have to concentrate and fill every little space in your mind._ He looked around, as if trying to find something. _It has to be something solid._

I looked around. What qualified as “solid”? _What’s your thing, Vrees?_

A bird landed in the river. It started to wash itself. 

_Vrees?_ I asked again.

 _It’s actually quite embarrassing,_ he said, laughing, probably so that he wouldn’t have to tell me.

I laid down. My arms was getting tired. _Okay? What is it? Spit it out._

He laughed awkwardly again. _You know, some people_ _choose a rock or something. As long as you’re concentrating fully on that thing, it doesn’t regally matter what it is._

I frowned. I’d never seen him this embarrassed. V _rees, get on with it_ , I told him.

_It’s you._

I lowered my head.

_Oh._

I didn’t know what to say to that, so instead, I just didn’t say anything. He was the one to break the silence, after a few moments.

 _I have another trick I could show you._ I looked at him again. He closed his eyes like he was concentrating again.

 _Rose_? I yelped, getting to my paws in a flash and backing a step away. It was the clearest I’d ever heard someone else’s thoughts, and it almost had a… sharp quality about it, like river-worn glass that wasn’t quite rounded yet.

_Don’t be alarmed, Rose._

_What is this, Vrees?_ I responded to him with my normal mindspeak. I’d never encountered something like this before. I didn’t even quite know how to think about it.

 _This is something that most kids learn by messing around with their friends._ I nodded, waiting for him to go on. _There’s not a real name for it, because most people don’t use it. As you know, it’s against the Elder’s rules to harm another wolf, especially mentally._

I stared blankly at him, unamused. That particular Elder rule was more of a gesture than anything, _god, rose, how many times do I have to say I’m sorry?_ because of all the exceptions. The three I was thinking of were: 1. If you were the designated Omega, then anyone could do anything to you short of killing you and/or permanently handicapping you. _I would NOT have let anyone handicap you._ 2\. An Alpha could do anything to you they deemed fit. No reason needed to be supplied. And 3. It was expected that higher ranking shifters could do what they wanted to lower ranking members, unless the Alpha forbade it. _That’s not a rule... That’s just how the natural pecking order goes._ Again, that Elder rule didn’t really mean anything at all.

 _Anyway,_ he continued in that sharp tone of his, _for the sake of non-confusion, I’m going to name this mind trick. Could you do me a favor and describe to me what it sounds like to you?_

I shifted, sitting back down next to him. _Well, it’s sort of… sharp. Like, not painful or grating or anything, but like… quiet, and firm. ...And deadly. I mean, not that you’re deadly or anything. Not that you’re not, though, oh nevermind. It’s not a sound as much as it is a feeling, really. ...If that makes any sense at all._

He nodded. _Okay, well when I make my telepathic voice ‘Sharp’ like this, what I’m doing is revealing my true mental voice. It’s the ‘voice’ that my thoughts appear in._

_But why did I have to describe it to you?_

_Because this is the voice that I’m constantly thinking in. It’s instinctual. I’ve never had a different one._ I was still confused.

_Wait, but how is the voice you think in any different than the voice that you speak with? Aren’t they the same?_

_No, Rose, you’re not quite getting it. It’s not the voice that you imagine when you say words to yourself in your head. It’s the general… oh, what’s the word… It’s the general tone of your thoughts. It’s not an actual voice. It’s a representation of the atmosphere of your mind._

It wasn’t the craziest thing I’d heard of.

 _The reason I’m showing you this,_ he continued, _the term “showing” being relative of course, is because in this state, my mind is both in the best place to attack someone else’s mind, and the most vulnerable state it can be in._ Attack someone else’s mind? Was that what he meant about harming a wolf mentally? I’d assumed he was just referring to his mind-control-like Command. What did it mean to go further? What would that do to someone’s mind?

 _Rose, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you._ He stared me in eye, which was still a little uncomfortable for me, and scratched a patch of grey-brown fur on my neck. What was he talking about? I was perfectly calm. Why would he hurt me?

 _Now, I want you to close your eyes and focus on my voice._ A night breeze ruffled the fur on my back and made furrows of grass next to the bank sway. _Okay, now I want you to extend your consciousness outward towards mind._ I stopped, and opened my eyes.

 _What?_ I asked incredulously, _what does that mean? How would I extend my consciousness?_ I could sense Vrees’s frustration. It seemed that most of the stuff he was assuming I knew came from experimenting with the mind link. Since I’d had no one who wanted to mind link with me during that period of learning, I’d apparently lost out on a lot. Vrees sighed and closed his eyes for more than a minute, thinking.

When he spoke into my head again, it was back to the normal tone. All traces of that sharp intensity had vanished, and it was just his voice in my mind that remained. He didn’t seem frustrated anymore; his tone was joking, and he smiled at me warmly.

_Okay Rose. How about this: since the control you have over your mind isn’t nearly as strong as I’d imagined, why don’t you and I just play around with it for a while? An official lesson in mind defense won’t do much good if you don’t know half the things I’m talking about. And anyway, learning by practice is the best way to learn something._

I didn’t know about this. I didn’t quite know what he meant by “playing around with it” and it seemed like having him explain it to me would be a more comfortable method of learning.

 _Nope! You’ve got to feel it for yourself!_ He grinned at me, winking. It was a more playful version of his devious “I’ve got a new trick to play on you” smile, but it still made me a bit reserved. I didn’t like not knowing what he was planning. Vrees, stroking his chin like the evil mustache-twirling man from a Saturday Matinee ‘eliza-crossing-the-ice’, was not helping.

 _Since I can already hear some of your more obvious thoughts, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if we both removed our shields, would it?_ he asked. I blinked, my ears subconsciously twitching upwards, even though he wasn’t speaking out loud.

It sounded like a great idea. Vrees’s mental shield was so powerful that I’d never been able to get a trace of a thought that I he hadn’t wanted me to before. I’d finally be able to know what he was really thinking. It would be so liberating, not having to guess all the time. I’d finally be able to relax in the complete knowledge that he wasn’t about to try something.

On the other hand, he only knew the general direction of my thoughts. He’d never actually heard everything I was thinking, and it was said that sometimes, (it was rare, but it happened) the people who exchanged thoughts came away with a better understanding than the person themselves, having a more objective view of it all. If I allowed him into my thoughts, he would know my plans, down to every last detail. I couldn’t let that happen, not if I wanted to retain some miniscule level of freedom.

 _Vrees, I’m tired._ I told him, not uncertainly. It was so odd, being firm with him.

He looked surprised. _But Rose, we just got out here._

 _I’m sorry, Vrees, but until now I didn’t realize how fatigued I was. You take a lot of mental energy to be around, you know. I think I didn’t realize how exhausted my body was._ I yawned, full wolfy tongue roll and everything, for effect.

He looked a little hurt -I couldn’t figure out why- but he nodded and agreed to go back to the house with me. He shifted a lot faster this time, or rather, it was probably just faster for him to undress than it was for him to dress.

Let’s go, was all he said when he got back. Now I was sure that he was upset. Screw his feelings though. For all his current sensitivities, now long ago at all, Vrees had no qualms about beating the living daylights out of me. Whether I deserved it or not, something I still didn’t want to think about too much, my feelings had been no object then. This wasn’t to say that I wanted revenge on Vrees, because I really didn’t. I was just tired. Tired of being afraid, tired of being hurt, -mentally, emotionally, and physically- and drop-dead tired because I hadn’t slept in more than sixteen hours.

I padded after Vrees as we made our way to the pack house. He didn’t say Good night or anything. He just went to his room. I did the same.


	16. Rose’s POV

Dreams and memories were hard to tell apart for me. My dreams were always specific and realistic, while my mind was constantly trying to block out real memories. It was even more confusing when memories appeared in dreams. It was also terrifying. Very. very. terrifying.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I slept, but my dream didn’t occur until a few hours later. Around two hours before I would have woken up, I think. My sense of time while I slept was always pretty good.

The dream started with me dreaming, and then waking up to Vrees banging on my door. He kept banging and banging until he threatened to break down the door. If he broke down the door, then I wouldn't have any time to compose myself the next time he came to my cupboard. So I let him in. His eyes were laced with simmering anger, but I knew they weren’t for me. They never were. He and his father had just gotten into a row because one of the boys in Vrees’s pack left the pack boundaries on a dare. Vrees stood up for him, he’d always had a hero streak, and the Alpha was furious. Now he wanted to blow off some steam and get rid of the residual anger he had for his father.

He didn’t say a word as he grabbed my upper arm -so hard he’d left a bruise- and yanked me out of my cupboard. When I whimpered, he slapped me, and then grabbed my other arm just as roughly. He dragged me outside, stomping, and growling quietly. His footfalls were muffled by the grass and open air, but his furious intentions were not.

Vrees stopped at an old tree a little into the woods. It was just deep enough the any view of it was obscured from the house. Just far enough that my screams wouldn't wake the pack of teenagers. He let me go with a push, and I fell at the base of the tree. I looked up at him with defiance in my eyes but submission in my posture. The way my arms and legs were splayed my arms supported by new budding twigs, reminded me of the way a scarecrow hung above a field. Me and a scarecrow were vastly different, however. The scarecrow was there to, as the name suggests, scare crows. I was only scared of Vrees.

So this was how he wanted it. Just the two of us. Up close and personal. It was always worse like this. Out of the four times that I’d been on the brink of death, three of them had been when Vrees wanted to make it just him and me. No matter what they did to prove against it, Vrees’s gang had a good affect on him. They always held him back. Or at least, the knowledge that they were watching did.

He stared down at me, not even trying to hide the rampant emotions coursing through him. He usually started this way. I lowered my gaze in difference, but I also made sure that I could see the rest of his body in my peripherals. That way I would know when to brace for impact. Vrees was probably thinking about all the horrible things that made him this way. All the injustices he or his loved ones had to go to, all the irritations that led to his frustration. Vrees was breathing deeply through his nose, like a tortured bull about to charge the matador.

His fist came out of nowhere, flashing towards me.To my surprise, it didn’t land on my face. I heard a huge ‘thwuck!’ and felt a brush on air on my left cheek. I looked up in surprise. Vrees’s cloudy amber eyes were only a few inches from mine. His fist was about a quarter inch buried into the massive tree trunk right next to my head. I whimpered, my arms flinching to protect my torso and face. He growled.

“What I want to know,” he said while twisting the front of my shirt with his hand, “Is why every single damn pack leader,” he pressed me against the rough bark, “thinks I’m completely and utterly incompetent!” he slammed my head back against the bark. I was pretty sure that I felt a cut on my back caused by a branch. “I’m doing a better job than any of them did with their packs! And I have nearly three times the members as some!” Vrees accented the words ‘better’, ‘their’, ‘three’, and ‘some’ with a furious shake of my body via my shirt.

I looked in his eyes. When he was beating me was the only time he allowed me to have eye contact with him. He liked to see the fear and pain in my eyes when he hit me. Vrees’s canines were long and pointy, like an actual canine’s canines. He was completely losing all control. When he did that was when I was the most afraid, not only for the beatings, but for my life.

Sometimes, when Vrees recognized that he was too angry to hit me and let me live, he just let me go. He would be furious for the next few days. He might even decide to hurt me the next day, or the day after that. However, he usually made it a good point to leave me alone if he was too angry.

Now he was too angry for even that. The first punch came as no surprise, and it landed with the sound of a loud clap. As if someone was cheering him on. He hit me on the upper arm. He’d been aiming for a spot that wouldn't damage me too much.

The next assault was a direct hit to the stomach. My eyes watered. He hit me in the face and my left eye watered more as blood rushed to the spot directly under it. The fourth hit was to the stomach again, but this time, he knocked the wind out of me. I gasped for air and couldn’t find it as his relentless attacks continued. He usually gave me time to let me breathe. I couldn’t breathe. I screamed and sobbed as he continued to hit me with no break and as I continued to fight for the right to breathe.

I might have felt a sharp pain when he kicked my chest with full force. I wasn’t sure. My mouth tasted like blood. I could only see out of my right eye, and from that, I could only see my own bloody hand. Oh god, there was so much blood. Where was it all coming from? Vrees pushed me onto my back, on the ground a few feet away from the tree. He held me by the neck, but didn’t strangle me. From what I could see, his own face had blood on it as well, but I knew it was mine.

His fists broke through bone. I could tell. It was somewhere in the left part of my torso, but that was all I knew. With all the pain and blood and disorientation, it was hard to discern one pain from another. I screamed again, this time much louder than before. Loudly enough to wake someone in the pack house.

He broke another bone.

I woke up.

I gasped and sat up in the other girl’s bed, panting from the realisticness of the dream. This was a dream that I remembered vividly. That was because it was a memory. I wanted to touch the bones he’d broken then. My collarbone, two of my ribs, and one of the bones in my right-hand middle finger. A tear dripped down my cheek. My right hand trailed up to the bump on my collarbone. It’d healed too fast for anyone to attempt to put it back into place, even if they could. I couldn’t ever remember having a worse beating. That wasn’t necessarily because there hadn’t been worse, but that was the only one of the few that my mind kept bringing up in my dreams. This was just the worst one I hadn’t figured out how to lock away in the Vault.

“Are you alright?” A voice inquired breathily. My head snapped to Vrees so quickly that I nearly got whiplash. My eyes were nearly bugging out of my head.

“I just heard you whimpering in your sleep! So I came to see if you were alright but you were having a bad dream so I went to wake you up but you woke up before I even touched you!” He was panting, like he’d just run here. Halfway through his statement, he started explaining in a rush, probably because he saw my horrified expression.

I screamed.

I scrambled to get away from Vrees. I pressed myself up against the wall, but then I dashed around him, outside of the room, and downstairs. Eventually, I made it outside.

Judging by the lack of a sun but the greyish tint of light in the sky, I figured that it was about five AM. I completely disregarded this as I ran barefoot as fast as I could through the trees. I stopped. Not even bothering to change out of my clothes, I shifted. My pajama pants tore, but scraps of my shirt clung to my fur.

Vrees tried to mind-link me, but I blocked him out like he’d shown me that night. I kept running for miles and miles. It was at least an hour of running at that pace before I saw the pack boundary. I ran towards it. All I wanted was to be rid of that monster.

Suddenly he mind-linked me with a command. **_Do not cross the border, Rose._**


	17. Vrees’s POV

I woke up with the disjointed feeling that something was off. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew that something was wrong. I extended my senses outward, listening, feeling, smelling, for what was wrong. At first I didn’t sense anything, but then I heard it: the softest of whimpers, coming from Rose’s room. Rose was distressed!

I hurtled out of bed and sped up to her room, refraining from actually running simply because I didn’t want to wake people up. I stubbed my toe on the bottom of the stairs and swore, pushing down the pain and half-jogging it off.

The moment I came in her new room, she shot up in bed, panting. She seemed panicked, and she touched her left collarbone as if the motion would steady her. I think… I may have broken that when we were younger. I hoped she didn’t still remember. That was pretty high up there on the list of bad beatings I’d given her. I’d completely lost my shit. I attacked Haldo’s capabilities as my Beta too, before he could calm me down.

Rose looked completely disheveled. If I hadn’t known better, I would have said she was about to cry. But I did know better. I knew exactly how much it took for her to cry.

“Are you alright?” I asked her, regaining my breath.

She jumped in such a terrified way that it scared me too. I’d had a cousin who enlisted in some sort of army police, (yes, shifters enlisted too) and he had PTSD. When some idiot kids shot off a whistling bottle rocket, he had jumped that way too. The utter terror of someone so strong was what scared me then and now. She turned and stared at me, and her expression only made that sense worse.

“I just heard you whimpering in your sleep!” I explained quickly, “So I came to see if you were alright but you were having a bad dream so I went to wake you up but you woke up before I even touched you!” I rambled out in quick succession, wondering if she even understood a word I was saying. She hadn’t reacted yet to anything I’d said.

She screamed as if I was going to attack her. I blinked, more confused than ever, and now doubly worried. I tried to say something, to call her name, but she ran out of the room at full pace. I was so stunned that by the time I realized that I should follow her, she was already gone.

I blinked, as if that would make me understand what was going on through my shock. Has Rose just run away from me? Were my fears coming true? What happened to make her this upset???

In my first moment of clarity since she fled the room, I mind-linked Haldo. He was pissed that I woke him up, but I completely removed my my mental barriers to him, letting him see everything through my eyes. Despite the fact that he just woke up, he was somehow more able to think than I was, and he told me to Command Rose to stay within the pack boundaries.

I was still stunned as I gave her the order, sinking down against the wall and hugging my knees. I tried to talk to her, but she blocked me out. Haldo came in the door.

“Vrees,” he said, no emotion in his voice, “get up.”

I just stared ahead. She left me. Rose finally left me.

Haldo pulled me up and pushed me against the wall, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Vrees,” he said, “look at me.” I looked anywhere but him. How could this have happened? I was trying my absolute hardest to be as nice to her as I could. After all the horrible things I did to her that she could’ve run away from me for, why did she choose now?

“Vrees! Get a grip on yourself, man!” Haldo shouted at me. I didn’t respond. Rose... Out of nowhere, Haldo bitch-slapped me across the face, knocking me down on my arse and making my face burn. I blinked. ...What.

“What the fuck, Haldo??? What was that for?” I demanded, leaping to my feet.

“You are NOT going to mope around and wallow in self-pity again, Vrees. None of that self-hatred ‘this is all my fault’ absolute _SHIT_ that you buy into because it’s easier! If you want her fucking back, then fucking _do_ something, dumbass!” The latino boy crossed his arms and sneered, daring me to hit him back, daring me to be the dumbass he claimed I was and crawl into the depths of my misery. I looked around the room. It was pink. It looked to me like the only think Rose did here was sleeping, because aside from maybe three personal items and the furniture that was already there before her, it was completely empty.

Haldo was right again. As always. Jeez, if it weren’t for the fact that we were best of friends, I would be worried for my position as top dog.

“So what do you suggest I do?” I asked him, sobering up.

He sighed and put his right hand in front of his mouth. “Well, I would have suggested that you go to her and apologize to bring her back, but from your memories, it seems as if she ran away because of you.”

“I didn’t do anything to her, Haldo, I swear!” My voice rose a tone as I defended myself.

He looked at me flatly, “You’ve done worse to her than anyone else. You destroyed her life.” Back to the arm crossing.

“You know what I meant. Why is she reacting this way now?” I asked him. I kicked the floor absently and plopped down on her bed. “She was terrified,” I murmured.

“Vrees,” Haldo said, his eyebrows pushed together to form a crease, the way it did when he was thinking, “do you remember back when we were little kids? Before all this started happening?”

I nodded, “Go on.”

“Well Rose used to tell people that she dreamt what had happened the past day. Like, actually real-time, vivid detail, movie-like experience. All that.”

My eyes widened as I realized what he was getting at. “You think that she had one of those dreams about a time when I was hurting her?”

Haldo shook his head yes. I pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Okay, you know what?” I said to him, “Here’s what’s going to happen. We both know that she trusts you more than I-”

“That’s not really saying much. She probably trusts the friendly neighborhood serial killer more than she does you.” He chortled at the funny he made.

I glared at him and rolled my eyes. “Okay anyway, since she probably just had a very… vivid dream about a time when I hit her, she’ll probably be pretty shaken up. So, I want _you_ to go find her, talk to her, calm her down, and then bring her back here instead of me.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, yeah, that plan’s fine, except for, you know, the fact that even if I could find her I have no way of knowing how to calm her down or get her to return with me. Only a minor problem, right?”

I smiled as sweetly as I could. “Right! It’s good that you understand.” I stood and led him to the door, mock patting him on the back. He sighed and threw his hands in the air.

“And _how_ exactly is it that you plan for me to find her without the mate bond?” he asked, a last vye for the sleep I’d just woken him from at six AM on a Saturday.

I went and got her pillowcase, then handed it to him with my sarcastically mocking nice smile. “Why the old fashion way, of course.” I closed the door on him, just in time to hear an overexaggerated sigh/moan.


	18. Rose’s POV

**_Do not cross the border, Rose._** He mindlinked me. I stopped dead in my tracks. There, maybe ten meters in front of me, was the border. As long as I was a member of the pack on his territory, he could order to do whatever he wanted me to. The painfully ironic thing about this situation was that I couldn’t cross the border unless I’d already crossed the border. God was probably laughing at me right now.

I howled my pain and sprinted down the border, not making any attempt to be quiet. I thought I heard something, and jumped to the side, before realizing that it was just a rabbit. What if that’d actually been another shifter? What would I have done? It was then that I started to be quieter.

I ran from the border. That was the first place they’d look. My paws padded against the ground with a quick one-two motion. The dirt and grass soothed the pads of my feet as I sprinted. Trying to gain a bearing on where I was, I peered through the bushes and trees. The trees almost completely blocked out the light in this part of the woods, so even with my wolfy night-vision, I couldn’t see much. I didn’t know where I wanted to go. I just wanted to get away from Vrees.

There! A cave! I ran full speed over to it, and then curled up on the ground inside. The moss was soft, softer than most. No one had been here for a while. Good. This place must be pretty hard to find. 

My bed in my cupboard was infested with tiny spiders, the bed in my new room smelled like another girl, and my body had known instinctively that Vrees’s bed smelled of danger. I curled up in the fuzzy moss and slept solidly the way I only could outside.


	19. Haldo's POV

I wouldn’t be surprised if both of them were deranged. Despite the fact that no one ever saw it but me, Vrees was an emotionally sensitive wreck, and Rose wasn’t much different. They both had perfectly good reasons, dead parents, physical trauma, emotional trauma, ect. But that didn’t mean that they didn’t need to grow up and get on with their lives.

Okay, it was understandable in Rose’s case, but Vrees was just being a big baby!

I sniffed her pillowcase and then went back to the trail. Rose had slept on this four maybe five times. Vrees could have given me something of hers that smelled more like, well, her. But I supposed this was the most scented thing he could find in that room. Rose was obviously not comfortable with that room, but it didn’t seem like Vrees noticed.

I hadn’t shifted. I didn’t want to mind-link her when I found her. I sniffed and extended my senses. There! There was her scent. It was imbued with traces of fear. Sadly, that was to be expected.

I followed the scent, tripping over a few branches as I did, and eventually I found her. She was curled up in a little rock overhang, surrounded by a gaggle of trees and bushes. It was really out of the way, and it seemed hard to find if you weren’t looking It was very cave-like. Like the sort of thing real wolves would hole up in.

“Cerres la puerta,” she murmured in her sleep. “No abres mi puerta.”

_Close the door._ _Don’t open my door._

As I walked towards her, I did my best to stay loud and slow, so that she wouldn’t be startled. She lifted her head in a panic, but relaxed when she saw it was only me. It wasn’t the restful kind of relaxing, but the resigned kind. I think it’s important-ish to mention right about now that she was actually naked. When you go to sleep as a wolf, most shifters subconsciously shifted back before they woke up unless they put an effort into staying in wolf form. It was sort of like rolling over in your sleep. I don’t think she’d noticed that she wasn’t wearing clothes yet. Thankfully, she was shielded behind a lot of greenery.

“I suppose you’re here to take me back to him, then?” she asked, more of a statement anyway. Her eyes slid away from my figure in a way that was more annoyed than deferrant. 

I chuckled, “You know, I think it’s funny how, when faced with Vrees, you’re a whimpering little wreck, but with everyone else, you’re the most sarcastic mofo I’ve ever met.”

She looked at me flatly, “Well, see, that’s what happens when someone trains you to shake in fear at their name by beating the thought into you.”

“Oh he _trained_ you, did he now?” I said, mocking her. “Well that’s a mighty word.” I sat down on the rock that obscured the cave from view. “See, I thought it was only _bitches_ that get trained.

She rolled her eyes at me. “Oh _ha ha_ ,” she said. “Very punny. Your _Alpha_ mother must be so proud.”

I smiled, continuing the joke. “Actually, she would be. She taught me all I know about pranking, tricks, and jokes.”

Rose rolled her eyes again. “No wonder her pack is so poorly run,” she said under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear.

I tried to contain my laughter, but it burst from me like a roaring beast. I fell off the rock onto, rolling around on my back. She laughed too, and not that nervous giggling laugh she reserves for Vrees either. A full-hearted laugh.

I popped my head up. “By the way, you know you’re, like, stark naked, right?” I ducked down under the rock again in case she decided to throw something at me, still laughing.

“Fucker!” she yelled. 

“I didn’t see anything!” I yelled back.

She sighed. “No, I mean… How am I supposed to go back to Vrees like this? I’m assuming he’ll bite your head off if you come back without me. But I’m not letting him, or anyone else in the pack, see me like this.

“He’s not as violent as that, you know,” I said.

“Still. I’m not going back like this. I’m going to need you to go get me more clothes,” she said. I sighed.

“How do I know you won’t run away while I’m searching?” I asked, still from behind the rock.

I could hear the sarcasm in her voice, “Yeah, because I’ll totally be able to cross the border without Vrees’s permission.”

“Okay, okay,” I said, “No need for _you_ to bite my head off. I’ll go.”

I went.


	20. Rose’s POV

With the new clothes Haldo had gotten my, and a blanket, because he'd worried about it getting cold, I walked into the pack house. I didn't have any shoes on, because Haldo had forgotten about that.

"Are y-you sure he'll b-be okay w-with ev-everything?" I asked, my stutter returning, as it always did, at the worst possible moment.

"He'll be fine as soon as he gets over himself," Haldo reassured me, rubbing my back. The hand on my back was a bit of a mixed gesture. On the one hand, (Get it? Hand?) it was a reassuring gesture, meaning to help me gather courage. On the other hand, (so jokes) it was to prevent me from bolting, showing that he didn't trust me not to. That was okay though, I supposed, I wouldn't have trusted me either.

Vrees came out of his study, stoic, serious, and very intimidating. I kind of wanted to whimper. He reminded me of the Vrees in my dream, or memory, and the idea that he could, or would, hurt me again entered my mind.

"He's been crying himself like a baby," Haldo told me under his breath, barely loud enough for even my shifter hearing to pick up, and definitely not loud enough for Vrees's. Vrees's eyes _were_ a little red, but he looked so far from crying now that it was nearly impossible to imagine it now.

The two boys led me to Vrees's office. Or maybe I should call them men. Everyone in this room was technically an adult, according to wolves, humans, and shifters alike. His office was a study fit for an Alpha, really, while still being in Vrees's tastes.

"Sit," he said, pointing to the chair in front of his desk while sitting behind it. My sense of nervousness increased. Despite the fact that I knew this was how he dealt with all discrepancies in his pack, this still felt like a visit to the principle's office. I'd never been in this room before except to bring Vrees his tea. Not that I'd never done anything wrong before, just that he usually preferred to beat me than to dictate a punishment. If the punishment was to say sorry for something, he'd twist my arm until I said it. This had happened so many times that I didn't care to count.

"Come on, man," Haldo said, "you're scaring her." He pulled up a chair loudly to relieve the tension, but Vrees gave him an icy stare.

I wanted to say something, to apologize for running away like I did, but my body had locked up in fear. Even my mind was on a hastily played repeat of my dream, no, I'm lying to myself, my _memory_ of the moment Vrees's fist broke through my bones. There was something terrifyingly intimate about knowing the only person who'd ever broken your bones.

When Vrees opened his mouth, I had to, stuttering, ask him to repeat what he'd just said.

"I said, why exactly did you find it appropriate to try and leave the border of our pack territory?" His eyes held an amber anger that made me grab my arms as if that would protect me.

"I'm s-s-sorry, Vrees," I said quitely. I hated how pitiful I sounded. I'm sure that if this were anyone else, they would have been able to get those two simple words out without stuttering. I'm sure no one else would have been nearly as terrified at just the thought of making him angry. Sometimes I hated myself.

"You didn't answer my question," he said, an eyebrow raised.

"Vrees, stahp," Haldo said, "I told you, you're scaring her."

Vrees whipped his head in his Beta's direction. "Shut up, Haldo! Just shut up! You think I don't know you have feelings for her?!"

Haldo laughed. Not a 'you're so stupid and wrong and I'm mocking you' laugh, a genuine 'that's so funny' laugh. Then he realized that Vrees wasn't joking.

"Wait," he said, "you're kidding me, right? You don't actually believe this, do you?" Haldo looked from Vrees back to me. I shrugged, as completely mystified as Haldo looked. The upside was that I wasn't focusing on Vrees and his terrible mood anymore.

"Vrees, you KNOW you're being paranoid now. That's like, naw. Actually, that's really ratch. No official Rose," he said addressing me, "but you're more of a sister/cousin type figure to me." I nodded. I pretty much felt the same way.

"That's not the point," Vrees said, regaining his composure and turning his glare back to me, scaring me all over again. "The point is, I want to know what happened. Why did you try to run, Rose?"

He stare/glared at me until I averted my eyes. He didn't ask me to look at him this time. Maybe it was because he didn't want to make me uncomfortable? Ha. If only that were the reason.

"I-I... had a b-bad dream," I said, painfully knowing how pathetic that was, as an excuse, and as a statement from a legal adult.

His expression softened, but only a bit. His was still a terrifying figure, but at least he now seemed less angry. It infuriated me how much I was afraid of his anger, or really making people angry in general.

"What was the dream about, Rose?" he asked me. I didn't want to answer. He might get mad, and I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want to lie to him either, as he had imbued in me a fear of lying to him. Lying to Vrees had never ended well for me before, he was just more angry.

"It..." I scoured my headspace to think of something, "it w-was about you d-dying," I said. Oh great, that sounded pathetically attached. Whether it was a good thing or not, Vrees looked like he wasn't buying it. "I mean, the whole p-pack w-as under at-tack from another pack. And then... this big gr-grey wolf b-bit you on the neck and you were bl-bleeding all over the pl-place, and there was j-just... so m-much... blood." I finished my performance with a tear that slithered down my cheek like a snake down a tree. My hands shook out of fear, and I grabbed my arms tighter.

"I don't believe you," Vrees said bluntly, no preamble whatsoever.

I blinked, "Wh-what? What do you m-mean you d-don't b-believe me?"

"I know you, Rose. Not in a good way, granted, but I still know you. And one thing I know about you is that you don't cry easily. And you wouldn't cry over me dying, especially if it was a dream.” He seemed caring while he said this, even gentle. But then he leaned back in his chair and said, “So why don’t you stop lying to me and tell me why you ran away,” and his voice was callous and sarcastic again.

I didn’t know what it was. Maybe it just the way that he reminded me of his dream self right then, or the way he looked so furious under his cool guise. Maybe it was because I knew he was angry, but I couldn’t tell at who or what the anger was directed. But right then, I was truly afraid of Vrees in a way I hadn’t been since pairings, a month ago.

Now that I thought about it, it wasn’t really that long ago.

“It _w-was_ a b-bad dream, though,” I told him, “and it w-was actually ab-bout you. It… it was v-very v-v-vivid… About the time wh-when you… almost k-killed me. When you br-br-broke m-my ribs…”

Vrees raised an eyebrow, which only helped in making me more nervous. I resisted looking to Haldo, who was standing to my left and a little behind me, for reassurance, because I knew that wouldn’t improve Vrees’s mood any great measure.

I opened my mouth to continue, but under the pressure of Vrees’s murderous glare, I felt like I was suffocating. How could I keep telling him what happened when he wouldn’t even listen to me?! How could I tell him when I couldn’t even breathe?!

“I’m sorry, sir,” I whispered, dropping my eyes from his. It was so comfortably easy to fall back into our old routine, but I instantly knew I’d made the wrong decision.

“Look at me!” he demanded, springing to his feet and pounding two calloused fists against his desk. I jumped. It seemed that now that I’d slipped back into my old role, he’d slipped back into his. He stalked around his desk so that he was in front of me, nothing separating us. I stared, wide eyed, at my firmly planted feet while I trembled.

“What have I told you about calling me sir?” he growled out, putting one arm on the chairback behind me. We had reached the point in the conversation in which, back more than a month ago, he would have started hitting me. I could practically feel the tension as Vrees restrained himself from hitting me, I restrained myself from bolting, and Haldo restrained himself from chastising Vrees. There’s only a certain amount of times someone, even the Beta, can reprimand an Alpha without seeming like they’re trying to upstage them.

“I’m sorry, Vrees,” I responded, still staring intently at my shoes.

“Stop fucking stuttering, Rose!” he exploded, turning around, facing the back wall again. I shut my eyes tight and whimpered. I didn’t want to look weak. Actually, I hated it, but I didn’t know what else to do. Responding to Vrees’s near-bipolar emotions in a calm and rational way was not something he programmed me to do.

“Please. D-don’t hurt me,” I whispered, and that was what did it.

“Shut up!” he yelled, his white fist pounding against the mahogany wood of his desk. “Just. Shut. Up. I don’t care about your _stupid_ weird dreams, or your _stupid_ little insecurities!” He put a hand on each arm of the chair and made her stare up at him, her dark tan skin looking darker in this light. “You will _never_ run away from me again, Rose,” he growled out, “do you understand me?”

Haldo took the step towards Vrees. He grabbed Vrees’s arm roughly. “That’s enough, Vrees,” he said in a low tone.

“You can’t-”

“Stahp, Vrees! You’re being ridiculous.” Haldo pulled Vrees from my chair. Vrees tried to protest, but he was silenced instantly. “Rose, go to your room, please.”

“I’m r-really… hungry,” I murmured, hoping I wasn’t pushing my luck.

“Grab a snack, but hurry up to your new room after that, okay?” he said. I nodded quickly and rushed to get out of Vrees’s office, stumbling over something as I went.

I heard shouting in there. The room was supposed to be sound-proof, and for normal hearing, it was. The sound-proofedness certainly helped mask the sounds, enough so that I couldn’t tell who was shouting.

One thing was clear to me now. I had been distracted this whole time, attempting to make excuses about why I couldn’t leave, but the one thing stopping Vrees from going back to beating me was Haldo. I couldn’t, no, I shouldn’t have to rely on Haldo to stop my mate from beating me. I wasn’t distracted any longer. I _would_ get free of Vrees.


	21. Vrees’s POV

Haldo shooed Rose out of the room, nodding as she requested to go to the kitchen first. I glared at him.

“Why’d you do that, Haldo?” I demanded, once she’d closed the door.

“Shut your trap,” he said, letting go of my arm and stalking away from me. This was something he did when he was either angry or frustrated, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He crossed one arm against his chest and brought the other hand’s fingers to massage his temples.

I stared at him, both astounded that he talked to me like that, and confused about his actions. “What’s wrong with you, man?!” I yelled.

Haldo stalked toward me again. “What’s wrong with _me_?” he demanded, loudly, pointing to himself. “What’s wrong with _you_ , Vrees?!” he stabbed a finger at my chest. “How could you _honestly_ think that threatening and frightening your mate would be a good way to let her know that your intentions are good?!”

I crossed my arms. I wasn’t being defensive, I just didn’t think that it was completely my fault. “I’m sorry, I know I lost control of my emotions,-”

“Ya think?” he said, not impressed.

“But, you don’t think it hurt me that she ran away?” I asked.

Haldo stood there for a moment, as if he couldn’t quite comprehend what I’d just said. All of the sudden he hit me. (I mean he actually _h_ _it me_!) I fell down on my back, gasping. I couldn’t catch my breath. He must have hit me in the solar plexis. My desk was to my right, the chair nowhere to be seen. I’d have hit my head against the chair were it there.

“Do you realize how much of a brat you sound like?” he asked me, sneering, and standing over me. He leaned over me as I sat up, still gasping for breath. Since it has nothing to do with muscle or durability, it takes a wolf-shifter just as long as a normal human to regain their breath. “You have beaten that girl raw at least once a month, sometimes even three days in a row, since you decided that you liked her. If she wants to never see you again, she has the right. You have never known what pain she was going through. You have never known that kind of fear.”

Haldo stood to leave. I was just regaining my breath.

“You know... how easy... it is for me... to get wrapped… up… in my own emotions… Haldo,” I gasped out, “I’ll… apologize to her… today… at school.”

He turned back to face me, barely within my range of vision because of the desk. “Expect her to reject you,” were his only words. Then he walked out the door.

Even when both of us were being douches, Haldo somehow always made me see the error in my ways.


	22. Rose’s POV

I slammed my locker shut and reach down to my backpack to pick it up. As soon as I stand, I jump. I hadn’t expected to see Alita here. To be honest, I’d almost forgotten about her.

“I won’t say I’m sorry,” she said, hands on her hips. “But I will say that I was stupid.”

I stared at Alita wearily. Despite the fact that I was little more than two inches taller than her, I still found myself almost looking her in the eye. This was due to my habitual slouching and the tilt of my head I kept while in school. Basically, keeping my head down. Alita’s hazel brown-green eyes oddly complimented her pasty white skin. I slung my backpack over my shoulder, meaning to step out of her way and go to lunch. Alita grabbed my arm and held my where I stood. I froze.

“I’m still waiting for your response,” she said. She didn’t seem to be intentionally threatening, but that said, I didn’t know what passed as ‘not threatening’ for her.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” a female voice demanded.

I looked up to see a second girl from my pack walking down the hallway. It was Stephanie, sporting a very short (nearly see-through) white shirt and jeans torn at the thighs. She was blonde, the sort that so light it wasn’t anywhere near being mistaken for dirty blonde, my height if I’d stood up straight, and skinny. Not skinny like me, though. Stephanie’s kind of skinny was still within the realms of strong and healthy.

“Nothing’s going on,” Alita said.

I eyed both the girls, gripping one of the straps on my backpack with my free hand. I wasn’t quite sure if Vrees’s message of protection had reached Stephanie’s ears. Not everyone had been in the pack house when he announced it, and Steph wasn’t the type to gossip. She spent too much time studying. That hadn’t really kept her from pitching in on the abuse, but with her, it had never been physical. The physical had been limited to Vrees, Alita, Derek, and Snipe. Not a singular physical finger had been lifted without that gang’s consent.

“Rosie and I are just having a bit of a chat before we head off to lunch.” Alita said this with a smile. Why were people approaching me now? It was an understatement to say they’d never liked me.

Stephanie grabbed my left elbow, forcing Alita to let go of my other arm. Whether this was intentional or not, I didn’t know.

“Well I have my lunch period right now too. Maybe we can sit together.” Stephanie pulled me along with her, waving Alita goodbye.

I managed to glance over my shoulder to see Lita’s scowling face. Huh.

I wondered what the social implications of this were, seeing as Alita was in the “popular” group, and Stephanie’s friend group consisted of study nerds like her. Yeah, Stephanie was the Valedictorian of our class Sophomore year, and the two years she wasn’t, someone in her friend group was. Being stuck permanently amongst the bottom feeders of the social pyramid left me with the freedom to not worry about politics. Nothing I did or said that didn’t make Vrees’s gang angry made anyone else angry.

“Do you have a spot you normally sit at?” she asked. I shrugged. Wherever no one else was sitting.

Stephanie opened the door to the cafeteria and I was instantly assaulted with the smell of pizza. I’d always hated cafeteria pizza. It was so gross that I usually opted for celery, which wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

She led me through the lunch line and frowned at my meal choice. Rather, the lack of one. With me following Stephanie for a reason I couldn’t have actually named, we sat down at a different table from the one she usually did, away from her friends. I sat across from her. She took a few bites of pizza.

“So, do you normally eat so little?” she asked. I didn’t see why it was any of her concern. I shrugged again, snacking on my celery sticks. “Okay, I get the message. You don’t like the chit-chat. To the point then. I want to talk to you about your academics.” This got my attention. I didn’t exactly sit up straight, but I sat up a little straighter.

“I’m not joining your nerd club,” I told her flatly. I pulled my emergency banana out of my backpack and she seemed a little more content with my lunch.

“Come on, Rose. Think about this. I’ve _seen_ how hard you’ve worked on your studies over the years. A person doesn’t just put that much effort into getting good grades and not care about anything after that.” She put both hands on either side of her plate and stared me in the eye. Even now, that made me uncomfortable. “If you join my ‘nerd club’ as you put it, you’ll have access to all sorts of leg-ups for the future. A couple of kids have parental resources, high standing members of the community, that’ll help us all get good jobs- The sort of people who join are all the sort of people who really _care_ about their futures-”

“Yeaaah and stop. Right about there,” I said, interrupting her, gnawing on my celery stick. “This was a really good try, a valiant effort-”

She interrupted me. Hey, that was my thing! “I’ve been wanting to ask you to join for years, but for the whole _Vrees_ thing-”

“No,” I said, leaning towards her. Interruptions left and right. “Listen to me when I say this. I’m NOT joining. Wh-when I s-said stop, what I m-m-meant was, ‘Stop. I’m not j-joining your group. I d-don’t c-care ab-bout my future.’ Okay?” My voice got a little loud halfway through and I lost my nerve, but she still seemed to 

Stephanie sat back with a shell shocked expression. “But, you work so hard-”

“The only reason I do any schoolwork at all is because it’s at least s-s-something to spend my time with that won’t be ruined b-by Vrees.” I couldn’t believe I’d actually said that out loud. “You kn-know what, I d-don’t need to explain myself t-to y-you!” I stood then, lifting my lunch tray with all of four celery sticks and a banana left on it, grabbed my backpack, and went to find an empty lunch table in some corner where I wouldn’t be disturbed.

It was theoretically the easiest thing to move from one seat to another and walk halfway across the cafeteria, but I couldn’t help but feel that everyone was staring at me while I did so. It felt like the eyes of everyone eating were following me, and they were wondering why, or how, I dared to leave Stephanie, one of the social leaders of the school, so abruptly and rudely. No one was looking at me, I knew, but years of watching my steps made me cautious about traveling in the open at school. It wasn’t a feeling that four and a half mere weeks could fix.

I plopped my lunch tray down at the table I’d chosen. Closing my eyes and rubbing my temples, I was already wishing for this day to finish. Sadly, I had two and a half more hours to go before school let out.

“Hey, Rose,” Vrees said, sliding into the seat opposite me. I jumped, almost falling backwards off the bench.

“Vrees!” I said, “Y-you almost g-gave me a heart attack!” He was still doing it, that is, almost giving me a heart attack. My heart was pounding furiously. I gulped, hoping he couldn’t tell about my heart rate.

“I’m sorry, Rosie,” he said.

“M-my name is Rose,” I snapped.

“Sorry. Rose.” He put his hands on the table. “I’m sorry. I’m doing it again. That thing where I give you cutesy nicknames and everything. I keep forgetting you hate that.”

I crossed my arms and stared down at my lunch tray with a plate on it. What a waste of a plate. The celery would have been fine just on the tray. I waited for him to get to the point.

“What I _mean_ to say with all this is, I’m sorry for what I did.” I uncrossed my arms to pick at the celery. It really looked worse than it tasted. Maybe it was more of an acquired taste. “My behavior was inexcusable. There’s no apologizing for what I’ve done, and there’s even less so when I lose my temper. And I want you to know that I’m not trying to be sweet or adorably excusable here. I’m legitimately just asking for you to _maybe_ consider…” Vrees trailed off. I still didn’t look up at him. “Oh, I don’t know. I guess what I’m saying is that you of all people know how flawed I am. I’m still learning how to deal with this temper of mine… I’m still trying to be a better person.” He picked at the wooden table. Kids liked to carve things into the tabletops here. Usually profanity. “It’s hard to change myself, Rose. But I’m trying.” His voice took on a desperate tone. “You can see that I’m trying, can’t you?”

Finally I looked up at him. And took a bite of celery. I nodded slowly, not wanting to speak in case my voice cracked and betrayed my anger. It was fine that he was trying to be a better person, great even. That didn’t mean that I needed to be the one getting hurt while he tried and tested the little anger sobriety thing he had going on. Maybe I would have liked him if he’d been a better person. He was certainly caring enough with the right people, like he used to be with Alita. (Gosh, I couldn’t believe they’d dated for two whole years.) And although appearance wasn’t that important for me, his wasn’t that bad. But he wasn’t a better person. He was Vrees. Vrees was in the habit of lashing out when he was under stress. And right now, no matter how much he seemed to need me, I didn’t need him.

He smiled at me. It was a sweet smile, and I felt like that idiot kid who thinks it’s a good idea to eat pure sugar. Then, when I didn’t respond further than a fully forced smile, he went back to sit with his friends. I watched him until he sat back down. I was glad he didn’t try to invite me again.

On the first day back to school since pairings, Vrees had stuck to me like glue on sandpaper. He wasn’t exactly obsessively possessive or anything like that, but he had invited me to sit with him and his friends. These, by the way, were the same friends who’d hit me with him, plus Haldo and this funny human boy who they’d let in on the werewolf secret because he was Derek’s mate.

I glared down at my celery. Three sticks left. Darn, with all the interruption, I’d forgotten to pray before I ate lunch. I folded my hands.

_Bless us, oh Lord and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen._

I’d only ever said the prayer with my late dad, who’d been a Catholic. After him, I always said it alone, so it was kinda funny that I still said ‘us’ instead of me. I suppose that the inclusive ‘we’ made me feel a little more connected to the christians of the world. It was nice to think about all the people who were going through worse things than me, or the people who’d gotten through it all. It’d given me a bit of hope during everything. Now, it still made me feel connected, as if I could offer up my experiences to the rest of the world who were still in horrible situations.

The bell rang. Back to class. I grabbed my last stick of celery and chewed while I walked.


	23. Rose’s POV

I stuffed my backpack full of clothing. This was what I'd decided I needed the most. My backpack was the one I'd specifically tested for this. The one Vrees stole from me after Pairings. I could shift in this backpack and it would stay on. I'd tested it to make sure.

I looked out the window to see twilight setting in. This was both bad and good. Once the sun set completely, night-time rules set in. I had to get out before the guards were stationed, but somehow without anyone noticing. This would test my abilities in every possible way. Oh gosh, I could already feel a bead of sweat dripping down my cheek from the thought of it all.

Bag packed, I slung it over my right shoulder. I'd also stuffed the baby bracelet my parents had given me long ago at the very bottom of the bag, but that was it. As for provisions, I planned to be a wolf for the majority of this journey.

I slunk down stairs to grab a bite to eat. Some people looked my way. Derek and Snipe were picking on Sammy J., who was this whimpy "sensitive artist" type, but I knew they didn't really mean it. They mostly looked bored. I was glad that for once, I wasn't the victim of their little games. Snipe looked like he wanted to seriously hurt the kid, but then again, he always looked like that. Snipe got his nickname from the fact that he was always gunning for someone. He was just one big ball of anger. 

I slogged along and managed to grab myself a plate of food, before heading upstairs. Since Pairings, Vrees had changed the rules of the pack house so that everyone had to take turns at cooking. I looked down at the simultaneously charred and still semi-frozen chunks of what might have been meat on my plate, the smell of burnt rice filling my nostrils, and opted for some fruits and vegetables. An apple or a banana would do. I'll be running a lot later. Don't want to do that on an empty stomach. Maybe there was more celery in the fridge. I could try it with peanut butter.

Having made myself seen to a majority of the pack, or at least those who cared enough to pay attention, I went back up to "my room". I peeked out my window to look at the place where the guards would be positioned after the sun set... and froze. Standing there, clearly in the guard position, were Tamarin and Tony. What was this?! They weren't supposed to be there for another hour and a half or so! It wasn't even twilight yet! I couldn't just suddenly change my plans either, because tonight was the _one night_ that I knew that Vrees was taking a sleeping pill because he had to sleep properly for the pack leader meeting tomorrow to talk about him becoming an official Alpha. I didn't know when I'd have another chance like this. It had to be tonight.

I fell back to my bed with a WHUMP and buried my head in my hands. Holy cheese. How was I going to get past them? I'd previously planned to just wait 'till the right moment, then inconspicuously slip out the back door and walk away from the packhouse, no one the wiser. This changed my plans though. Now, Vrees was still awake, and the guards were already stationed at their posts. I'd have to get around them somehow. But how to escape when there were two werewolves guarding the house?

I paced my room, making sure not to step too heavily, lest Vrees or someone else in the pack house decided that they actually cared why I was anxious for a change. Honestly, I hated living in this close of quarters with a whole pack's full of teenagers. I couldn't wait until I could buy my own house. Even an apartment. I'd practically take anything over living in the same house as a group of teenaged shifters.

Finally, a plan locked in. Finally, I knew what I would do. I would wait until an hour after dusk, much later than I had previously planned. Right at around the end of Tammy and Tony's watches, I would open my window and drop down to the ground from my second story window. It wasn't preferable, but if I injured myself, I'd just have to heal on the run. I'd done it before. In the meantime, I opened my window and left it like that. It wasn't uncommon to see an open window with us. Shifters were notorious for being hot veined. This was probably just one of the wolf traits we'd collected after hundreds of shifts. Or in my case, even more.

*****

Hours later.

I shot up straight when the alarm I put on the nearest setting to silent buzzes. It's an amazingly quiet alarm clock that the girl who lived in this room before me owned and never took with her. At least this item of hers was useful.

As quietly as I could, I go to the windowsill. I extend my senses as far as I can, although in this sense, 'extending' is really just me getting quiet and listening _real_ hard. Tamarin and Tony are talking quietly to themselves, not really paying attention due to their boredom. I smiled. It's not like you can have two teenagers stay in one spot for two hours without getting bored and drifting off. Whose idea was that anyway?

Still trying to be very very quiet, I tiptoe in my socks. I first throw the bag down and then freeze, listening. Their continued talk makes me almost smile, but I don't, not wanting to get my hopes up.

I pause a moment before jumping. I sniff the air slowly, taking in the scent of the only home I've ever known. I try to memorize the smell of fresh air wafting in and shoving back teenager reek, the two scents twirling and mixing until they're near indistinguishable. Oddly enough, I even try to memorize the scent of teenager reek, knowing that no one smells quite like my pack smells.

Okay, that's enough of that. This is no longer my pack, and anyway, it legitimately smells like the shit reincarnate.

I fling myself out the window, praying to God that my knees don't keel over and die.

I land on my feet, mentally applauding myself for a brain second before a real second goes by and I collapse to the side as my knees die on me and my feet begin what I know will be continued throbbing. Well shit! That hurt a lot!

Biting my tongue way too hard, I grab my bag and do my best to stay silent. I pause for a moment, listening for Tamarin and Tony. They're still talking. I almost can't comprehend how easy that was. My mouth is hanging open as I walk, free, into the woods.

Why the heck didn't I do that a long time ago?!

My footfalls were almost completely silent, but my caution only slowed down my speed. It was taking all my mental strength not to bolt right now, but according to my plan, I had to keep talking quietly. I never knew if someone was in the woods, and your average shifter could hear someone like me blundering through the woods from a quarter mile away. It was a calculated risk. That didn't make strolling slowly away from my pack house like I was just taking a walk any less stressful.

Before I knew it, I was at the border. My eyes widened and my heart pounded. This was it! At last, unable to control myself, I sprinted the remaining 100 meters over the border. Similarly unable to control myself once I was there, I whooped, throwing my hands in the air and laying down in the grass. Finally, something I succeeded at.

Somehow, this happened to be the exact time that Vrees mindlinked me. Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe he'd somehow heard me cheering. Maybe he was just a little bit linked to me still and as I walked over the border, he noticed the change in the connection. I didn't know. 

_Rose, where are you?!_ he said, practically shouting into my mind.

 _I’m gone Vrees,_ I told him. _I left the Dark Light pack boundaries and I’m going to where you’ll never find me. Someplace where you’ll_ never _hurt me again._

I could feel his anguish through the link. His barriers were collapsing, crumbling further with my every word. I didn’t want to still be talking to him when they were completely gone. I didn’t want to have to see that. His voice was quiet when he replied.

 _You… you don’t have to do this, Rose. We can talk about it! I’m so so so_ very _sorry for what I’ve done to you and I promise to_ never _hurt you again! We can work this out!_ He was scared, and I laughed out loud. It obviously wasn’t an equal exchange, but I was glad that for once, he was the one who was afraid. I’d never seen Vrees scared before. _Just… come back to me, Rose… please._ As his mental barriers crumbled even more, I could tell that he was crying. I always thought I’d find some sort of satisfaction in this moment, but all I felt now was uncomfortable. On some level, I’d broken something within Vrees, one of the strongest people I knew.

 _I can’t, Vrees,_ I told him flatly, angry that he was making me feel somewhat sympathetic to _him_. _You’ve hurt me far too much over the years. I need to heal. And moreover, I need to see the world as it is outside of this cage you’ve placed me in. I need to be free, Vrees. I need to live my_ own _life._

I severed the mindlink then. I didn’t want to hear any more of him in his moment of uncharacteristic weakness. I didn’t know how I felt about it, but for now, I just shoved it down. I’d think about it all more thoroughly later when I had time. Now, I had to figure out where I could go to make sure they’d never find me.


	24. Rose’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for TW

I was past the border, but that didn’t mean I was safe. Actually, the only thing it meant was that Vrees couldn’t telepathically stop me before I could run. Which was what I was doing now.

Running a little past the border, just to make sure they wouldn’t find me immediately if they were searching there, I undressed, stuffed my clothes into the bag, and then shifted. Since Vrees probably knew by now that I’d taken my backpack, they would probably be looking for me in human form, and that was where I had the advantage. I’d been planning this for years. My backpack was a soft brown sack sort of bag, with a special clasp that would ensure its place on me even as I shifted and ran as a wolf.

My chest tightened and adrenalynn pumped through my bloody veins. I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this. I’d always dreamed, but never did I think I would be actually _doing it_! I told myself to calm down. Irrational impetuousness wouldn’t help me in this situation.

Careful to keep the bag in the correct position, I shifted. The scent of pine and maple burst through my senses and I opened my eyes to a beautiful brightness. The funny thing about being a shifter was that as a human, you had everything human, but wolf-like senses. As a wolf, you had everything wolf, but human-like intelligence. I looked over at the forest before me. My favorite part was the different types of colors. Wolves do see a smaller range of colors, true, but as a wolf, the different shades that I saw were like nothing I’d ever seen as a human. There was really no way to describe them without having seen them. It’s like trying to describe a smell to an Anosmic, as in, without comparing it to another smell.

Then, I started to run.

*****

I finally stopped as I approached an inn a little off the highway. This wasn’t the first one I’d seen -I’d been running for the majority of the day- but I finally recognized that I couldn’t go any longer. I’d never run for more than five hours straight without rest before. It was taking its toll on my body despite the fact that I was in wolf form, and real wolves can run at a steady pace for days on end. My problem was that I was too skinny. Nearly all my fat was visceral. I needed to eat something, a lot of somethings, if I wanted to run like this tomorrow. I’d tried hunting, but I quickly found that it took more than a wolf’s instincts to be able to hunt. Who knew it was so hard to catch a rabbit?

After shifting and changing into clean clothes from out of my bag, I walked up to the building. It looked kind of like it was going out of business, with a flickering red sign reading Sunny’s Inn, in which the second ‘s’ was missing, so it actually read Sunny’ Inn. It didn’t help the look of it to include that the building itself seemed a month or two away from being condemned. Sighing and hoping that this was a good idea after all, I walked up the wooden stairs and porch with teal chipping paint covering them, and knocked on the door.

No one replied, so I rang the doorbell.

“Larry, we have customers!” I heard a harsh female voice bellow from inside.

Moments later, the door was opened by a fat hairy man who was at least a head taller than me. Larry, I assumed. “How can I help you?” he asked.

I opened my mouth, but for some reason, my words were blocked from me at the moment. Instead, I dug in my backpack and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. This was one of the reasons I’d waited so long to leave. I’d needed to steal the money from Vrees. I smothered my guilt for that with a reminder of what he’d done to me. It was practically my right.

He eyed me up and down, taking both my appearance and the money in my outstretched hand into account.

“I’m sorry, kid, but we’re not allowed to serve minors without their parents,” he said. I frowned. Did I really look that young? I suppose with my weight, it wasn’t hard to mistake me as such.

Reaching down into the bottom of my bag, where the rest of the money was, I pulled out my driver’s licence, which I had been only allowed to get for technical reasons.

“I’m eighteen,” I said, “f-four months ago.”

He took it in his hand, still looking like he was going to turn me away, but then, after evidently finding nothing wrong with it, he gave it back to me. “May!” he yelled, “get on over here! I need’ja ta see this!”

May came up behind him. “Larry, what’ve I told you about the young’ins-” she immediatly began to scold after seeing me.

“Now wait jus’ a minute,” he said, “she’s got ‘erself money _and_ some identification.” He held out my driver’s licence to May.

“Lemme see that,” she said, grabbing it. May peered at it closely and I stood there, shifting on my feet, glancing around. After close inspection, she raised her eyebrows and handed it back to me. “Well whad’you know. Seems legit to me.”

I opened my mouth then, thanking God for regifting to me the power of speech. “I don’t mean to be in your hair or anything. I just need food and a place to sleep for the night.”

The couple nodded in unison. “Well c’mon right in,” May said, and smiled.

After showing me around, they told me that dinner would be ready in an hour, and Larry showed me to my room on the second floor. Thankfully, the inside of the place was a little more well-kept than the outside, with well vacuumed and swept floors, shiny pictures of Larry and May together, and a very polished banister. Thanking him for everything, I went to lock the door only to find out that there was no lock. I frowned at this, but it wasn’t unexpected in a building this old. Since I didn’t have anything really to unpack or do, I opted to just to take a nap until they called me downstairs. I fell asleep almost as soon as my body hit the bed. It was a soft bed. It might have had sheets. I couldn’t tell you.

Dinner that night consisted of oatmeal and Chicken Alfredo. Larry didn’t talk to me at all, and after a few monosyllabic responses to questions from May, she stopped trying. I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad, even though I knew I should have.

I loved Chicken Alfredo with a passion, so I ate all I could of that, but I wanted to try the oatmeal too. Eating this much was hard for me, despite the taste that set me licking my fork clean, purely because I wasn’t much used to it. The couple had a polished wooden square table that we ate at, and the smell of home cooked oatmeal constantly wafted to my nose.

Oddly enough, the smell reminded me of Vrees. It reminded me of one time when I’d had a particularly brutal beating instigated by Derek, in which Vrees’s role was mostly to pull them off me whenever I was hurt too much. Afterwards, he’d apologized to me, something he rarely did. He even brought me to my cupboard and gave me a warm and fresh bowl of oatmeal. He hadn’t stuck around for longer than it took to ask me if I needed anything else, and for me to respond with a terrified shake of my head. This rare act of kindness from him hadn’t really been present in my memories until just now.

At that, I left the table. I thanked May and Larry for the wonderful meal, and I told them I was tired, which I was. Completely stuffed from the bowl of oatmeal and half a plate of Chicken Alfredo, I went back to my room and fell into a comatose like sleep.

I didn’t know what exactly woke me up, but I woke up in the middle of the night afraid. It wasn’t a dream. Those were all better than usual. I looked around the dark room, barely lit by a waxing moon. The door creaked open and I jumped, pulling my blankets to myself. It was Larry at my door. I relaxed a little, expecting him to say something, explaining. Maybe the house was on fire. Oh no, what if Vrees was here looking for me in the middle of the night? Instead of explaining why he was here, he just came into the room. My sense of nervousness immediately spiked again.

“Wh-what are you d-doing here?” I asked him. Then he lunged at me.

Larry pinned me face down to the bed, hitting my head against the headboard as he did so. I gasped and struggled, managing to turn myself over so that I was looking up and my mouth was free.

“L-l-let me g-go!” I screeched. His determined eyes bored down at me. “Wh-what about your w-wife?” I demanded desperately, “she’s g-g-going to hear!” _Vrees… Help me…_

He shoved me down, face down into the bed, again. “That bitch ain’t my wife,” he hissed. “She’s my _sister_.” He grabbed my wrists together in one big sweaty hand. And don’ chu’ think tellin’ her would do a lick o’ good. She knows I’m up here.”

I furiously tried to kick him off of me, but he was too heavy. He pressed me deeper into the bed and pulled my pants off my struggling legs. Tears rolled down my face as I silently continued trying to shake him off of me. I let out a sob when he started to pull down my panties with his big meaty hands. _Vrees! Help me! I need you!_ I screamed in my mind, even though I knew he would never be able to hear me.

“Pl-please!” I begged him through sobs, “please st-st-stop! I w-won’t t-tell anyone if you st-stop now! Y-you c-can have all m-my money! Wh-whatever y-you want!”

“I’m already taking all yer money,” he growled as he finished taking off my underwear. “And you ain’t gunna tell no one. Not with who we’re givin’ you ta.” At this, I was about ready to give up. I’d expended most of my strength struggling under his grasp so far. I just wished I would pass out already. Weeping, I just wished that Vrees would find me right now. That he would take me in his arms and protect me. Anything was better than this. But I knew he wouldn’t come. Knights in shining armor don’t work that way. They can only rescue you after you’re kidnapped.

He released my arms to unbuckle his belt loop. That was his mistake. With my left hand, I grabbed the lamp on my bedside and smashed it over his head. Even with his strength and padding, a head was no match for a lamp thrown by a wolf shifter. He passed out instantly, falling down onto the floor.

My whole body shook uncontrollably as I stared at his figure. What if I’d killed him? I listened for his breathing, and was surprisingly relieved when I could hear it. My hands continued to shake as I put on my pants and underwear. Each inhale I took was nearer to a gasp, and each exhale came closer to a trembling whimper. I closed my eyes and hugged myself when I was fully clothed, trying to push it all down so I could move on. After about thirty seconds, I was in a clear enough state of mind to realize that he would wake up soon. I grabbed my backpack and the base to that lamp, and headed downstairs.

“You know, I feel bad about this one,” May said as I walked down the stairs. She sat at the table with the eerie glow of a blue flickering kitchen light illuminating the back of her unturned head. “She just looked so young… and frail. I... don’t think we should be doing this anymore, Larry.”

I clenched my hands tight against the lamp base as I walked into the kitchen where May sat.

“Y-you... l-let him… try t-to…” I couldn’t even say the words to her. I wasn’t sure if this was because I was so angry, or if I just couldn’t admit to myself what had just happened.

May whipped around, her eyes wide. She was still a fifty-something woman. I could kill her this easily. Oh, so very easily.

“Who w-were you pl-planning to g-give me t-to?” I demanded angrily. It was almost a growl that left my throat, a real wolfish growl, but my voice shook at the last moment and it died away pathetically.

That was when Larry came barreling down the stairs, woozily but angrily. Frightened, and realizing the fact that it was now two against one, I dropped the lamp base, turned, and sprinted out the door. Once I got into the woods, I shifted and ran, blindly, unable to even think about what was happening.

By the time I was thinking well enough to stop running and take account of my surroundings, I had no idea where I was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic descriptions of attempted sexual assault, attempted human trafficking, dissociation


	25. Vrees’s POV

I lay in my bed, studying a rose. She did sometimes smell like roses. It wasn’t like a scent that I immediately recognized as hers -her scent was much more complex and variable than that- but it was a part of it. This rose was wrong, though. It didn’t smell like her. Not one bit. I threw it at the wall that if it’d been a heavy, object, something would have happened. As it was, it just fell limply against my dresser. Or, what was left of it. My bursts of grief stricken rage had left the majority of my room in shambles.

I collapsed in a sobbing heap at the foot of my bed. I hugged myself tightly as the tears came in full force, not for the first time today. I knew it was whimpy to cry. Everyone always told me that Alphas shouldn’t cry, especially my parents. I should get up and move on. I shouldn’t waste my tears. I shouldn’t let them see me cry.

I didn’t want to let my pack see me cry. I was, obviously, afraid they wouldn’t respect me anymore. That was why I’d locked myself in my room for the last four days. I’d called in sick for school, I only barely let Haldo bring me food, and even less often ate it. My room wasn’t like all the other rooms in the pack house. The lack of privacy irritated me, so I’d had my father reinforce it with metal. It was soundproof, even to wolf-shifter hearing.

I would have been leading the search for Rose if I’d thought there was any chance of finding her. If there was even one one hundredth of a chance of us finding her, I would be out there coming the neighboring towns for days on end. I would have been devoting every second for the rest of my life to finding her. But I knew there wasn’t a chance of finding her, especially if I was the one looking. If there was a single thing you could say I learned about her in all the years of my demented games was that she was insanely smart. Rose wasn’t memorization smart or book smart or ‘talented’ smart. What she was was adaptable. And she knew how I thought.

On a fierce impulse, I jumped up from my pitiful positioning and smashed my fist into the wall. I yelled, letting out all my rage and misery pour out into the sound. Something broke. My hand hurt. I think it was the wall to finally give, but I wasn’t sure. I threw my other fist into it as well, adding yet another dent to the tens of them that littered the walls. My walls were reinforced with metal. I gasped for breath through my tears, blowing my snotty nose on my sleeve, and collapsed against the wall. This time the sobs came loud and hard, racking wetly through my whole body.

Once she realized that it was primarily my mood that determined whether or not we would hit her, she, as a ten year old, had basically made it her mission to find out how to manipulate, change, and avoid my emotions. Sometimes, she calmed me down so effectively that I wondered afterwards how she’d even done it. I’d basically forced her to learn how to manipulate me into doing what she wanted, which was one of the reasons this hurt so much now. Because I knew that she knew how much it hurt me. I just knew that she didn’t care anyway. I grabbed my right arm and dug my nails into it. It didn’t make the pain feel any better, but it allowed me to vent some of the anger I held for myself.

The night after she’d left, I had been crying, just like I was now. It felt no worse or better then, but I was feeling as if I were to fall asleep. Crying myself to sleep, I know. Pathetic. Sometime around 1am, right before I would finally slip into rest, something really inexplicable happened. I’d felt a huge surge of emotion, some parts fear, some parts pain, and some parts desperation. It felt like Rose’s mind, as if she’d been calling for me. I knew that it was impossible, especially if she was far past the pack boundaries. I knew it had to have just been my desperate delusions, but it had set me off again. I didn’t sleep at all that night, and more of those Rose-feeling emotions came later. A sense of being lost. That one hadn’t left me.

Right now I was contemplating giving up my title as Alpha. I was of no use to the Dark Light pack as I was, a pitifully distraught mess. Alpha titles were not inherited anyway. The fact that my dad was an Alpha as well was mostly coincidence, and probably a bit of genetics. Every two years amongst the nursery kids older than five, there’s a series of competitions that determines who is the leading tempAlpha. Once a tempAlpha wins the competitions, the challenge after that was to beat them. If anyone did, then they were the new tempAlpha. This continued until the tempAlpha turned thirteen and was brought to the young adult pack. There, if there was already another Alpha, the tempAlpha HAD to challenge them.

That was what I had done. As a thirteen year old, I went up against the current sixteen year old Alpha. And I’d won. Every two years, the challenges continued. This last time, when I was sixteen, no one wanted to compete. The funny thing about the challenges was that they weren’t just a competition in to ring as to who could knock the other out. No, it was much more than that. There were several parts to an Alpha challenge, including a strategic portion, an intelligence portion, a strength portion, and a fairness portion were all part of the traditional tests. I’d always won fair and square.

The reason I was contemplating giving up my Alpha title was what came next. In a few months, I’d have to be placed as the official Alpha. Either I would start a new pack with my friends, or I would take over my dad’s old one. More likely, I would start a new pack, only to merge it with his when he retired. The problem was that I didn’t think I’d be able to do it. Someone else, someone more rational and less prone to fits of anger, would be much more suited to the position. Haldo deserved it after all. He was more of a leader than I had ever been. He wasn’t a major fuckup. When he found his mate, he would go about it in a kind and passionate way. He wouldn’t explode, shredding the leftover particles of his life everywhere.

I heard a pounding at my door.

I ignored it. I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t want to talk. Haldo would go away eventually.

“Vrees, open this door right now!” he shouted. “Vrees, I will _break_ down this door if you don’t open it right now!”

“You know he’ll do it!” Alita shouted after him. That was new. My ex-girlfriend hadn’t talked to me once since I embarrassed and frightened her in the kitchen after she’d insulted Rose.

I growled, knowing that Haldo would in fact break down the door. “Give me a minute!” I shouted at them. I looked for a mirror, and then remembered that I’d broken it. Finding a shard, I wiped my eyes and nose clean. You could still tell I’d been crying though. Unlike Rose’s mysterious chocolate eyes that looked perfectly normal after she’d been crying, my eyes got all red and puffy so it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it was a black girl thing that kept Rose’s puffy eyes from betraying her tears. Thinking of Rose made my eyes well up with tears again, and I had to quickly wipe them away.

“What d’you want?” I demanded. I opened the door enough so that I could see them, and they could see me, but there was still some sort of possibility that they couldn’t tell I was crying.

Haldo answered, “What do I want? Well, there are a lot of things that _I_ want, including you to buck up and stop moping around your room like a little pup,”

“Wuss,” Alita whispered snarkily.

“but we’re not here about what I want. We’re here about the fact that one of your dad’s emissaries are here. He’s going to want to see you, about what, I yet don’t know. Right now, we’re feeding him and all that hospitality stuff, but I just figured that you’d want time to prepare yourself before talking to him. You know, so you’re not weeping at the ‘unfairness’ of the world by the time he asks after you.” Haldo was obviously not sympathetic in the least as he crossed his arms and waited for me to respond.

“I…” I didn’t really know what I would say to this. I couldn’t exactly tell Haldo that I was thinking of forfeiting my Alpha position to him right now. Leaving him to deal with my dad with no warning whatsoever would be a completely dick move. Though it seemed like I was becoming a master at those.

“I’ll get changed,” I told him. I was in my pajamas. I hadn’t changed for the last four days. He nodded, knowing that this was my attempt at saying, “I’ll try. I’m trying.”

When they left, I made my way through the shambles of my room to get my clothes on. I’d have to clean this all up later. For now, I’d just have to try not to stab myself on the splintered wooden back leg of my bedside chair. The chair I sat on when Rose woke up after she shifted under my Command. I flinched as I thought about her again. I still wanted to break more stuff, but having a short term immediate purpose sort of quenched that urge. Kind of.

By the time I headed downstairs to greet my father’s emissary, he was nearly done with what looked like a third bowl of oatmeal. For some reason, right now I really hated the smell of oatmeal. More than I hated those pickled brussle sprouts. Almost more than I hated Chicken Alfredo. Wait, what was I thinking? I’d always loved Chicken Alfredo. Why then, did the thought make me almost angry? I decided to think about it later, and I approached the messenger.

His name was Mark Langburg. I’d met him a few times now, often enough that I knew him fairly well. He was one of the three messenger wolves my dad employed. My dad was insanely organized with how he ran things. Everyone had a job, and everyone knew it.

“What does my father want this time?” my rough voice demanded. Jeez, I hadn’t realized how raw it sounded. I cleared my throat, hoping he hadn’t heard.

“You know what he wants, Re-ree,” Mark said, not looking up from his filthy lump-filled oatmeal. I scowled at the nickname, Re-ree, inspired by Mark’s own five year old daughter who could actually pronounce my name perfectly well, but just as contrary as her father, chose to call me that instead.

“Enlighten me,” I said, throwing myself into the other one of the three island table kitchen chairs. Usually, Mark was a pleasure to talk to, but I wasn’t really in the mood for his vomit-like puss-filled oatmeal-eating shenanigans. And anyway, he looked like he wasn’t in the mood for me either.

“You showed up to the Elder meeting to discuss you becoming an Alpha disheveled and obviously not prepared at all. You promised you would contact us later when you were in a better place, but we haven’t heard a word from you. We’ve received several reports saying that one of your pack members is missing, but you never filed _any_ of the required paperwork. And that’s not even to mention that we’ve been sending people to you for days to talk about all this, only to hear that you were ‘sick’, and unable to come to the door.” This came as a surprise to me. I’d never asked Haldo to send people away. But maybe that was just him looking after me. He knew I needed a few days. “Now _Re-ree,_ we’re done with your Coyote business. Tell me right now; are you going to perform your Alpha duties, or do I need to tell your father you’re still moping for god-knows-what reason?”

I scowled at his disgusting half-finished fourth bowl of soggy ground up oats as he took another bite. “Fine,” I said, “I’ll file the paperwork and I’ll get back to the council. Today.” I sighed and rubbed my temples. “I’ve just been in a bad place for the past few days.” I tried not to think too much about why while I steadied my hands. “The day before the meeting, actually. It concerns the girl who left our pack. She… she’s gone now.”

Langburg’s eyes softened visibly. “Is she your first mate?” he asked me carefully. It could be seen as an offensive question.

I nodded slowly, trying not to wilt under the thought of her. “Yeah… I don’t even know why she stayed around for as long as she did, to be honest. I used to treat her terribly…”

The thing about mates was that they actually had nothing to do with the two people. All it really meant was that two shifters had the same level of compatibility with each other, and with passing down the wolf-shifter gene. It was a purely biological attraction set in the same sort of technical science-y magic that led us to be able to shift. At any given point, there were thousands of possible mates in the world for one person. That was how it was so likely for one person to find theirs. It was entirely possible to have multiple mates at one time, and it was also possible, even probable, to get another mate after your old one had either died or hadn’t been in contact with you for a few years. When Mark said ‘my first mate’, he was referring to the fact that I would have another once I got over Rose. Sadly, that was probably never going to happen.

“I’m sorry, kid,” he said, “I really have nothing to tell you. You’re just going to have to move on. And in the meantime, you can’t just shirk your Alpha duties.” I nodded. He ate another bite off his menacing spoon and swallowed a lump of grainy mushy oat. “Anyway, I’ve got to go,” he said. “Thanks for the food, and I hope you find a way to push past this.” I nodded to him as he left through the backdoor and shifted back into a wolf, probably burning off a third of the calories he just consumed.

Move on. Yeah right.

The first thing I did was to smash his reeking bowl of oatmeal on the ground. Then I grabbed the dumb papers I needed to fill out from my office and stomped back up to my room, pen in hand.


	26. Rose’s POV

It took me a lot to cry. Right now, I was cold, I was tired, I was lost, my fur was stickly with burrs, and I now had next to no idea if I was just heading right back where I ran from. It took me a lot to cry, so I didn't. Instead, I laid down, my fur protecting me from the burrs, and I slept.

For the past three days, I'd been running in what I hoped was the opposite direction to Larry and May's farmhouse. I hadn't eaten, I hadn't drunk anything but the morning dew off of leaves as I ran past them, I hadn't known where I was running to, and I hadn't cried. For some reason, my mind wanted to keep bringing up Larry. Images of what happened three nights ago swarmed me. I pushed them away to focus on surviving and finding a place to stay, but no matter how hard I pushed, my mind kept those images and thoughts always just outside of my vision. I had nothing to say to my mind about Larry. I had nothing to say to anyone about him.

My subconscious repeated the constant refrain that I was sure that there was something worse that Vrees had done to me. For once, this might not have been, and actually probably wasn’t, true, but I continued to tell myself what I always had. Assuming something worse had already been done was how I always told myself to get over what had happened to me. So I clung to that thought whenever my imagination or memory turned against me. 

The one thing I could say about the woods was that they were nice to sleep in. The sounds echoing through tree and brush seemed random, but they all went together. You never had a person getting up for a midnight snack, stomping above and next to where you slept, and making you jump awake to wonder if they were coming down for you. Instead, the hoots of owls and shuffling of other animals all blended together, making up a rather soothing melody to sleep to.

It may seem odd that I had, and remembered, my dreams so often, but unlike most people I heard from, I had dreams every time I slept. Even if I only slept for an hour, I still dreamt. They were all in vivid detail, especially the ones that were memories.

The smell outside was particular that day. It had all the normal pine and maple smells, along with animal feces and wolf-shifter sweat. However, the adrenaline was so strongfelt for nearly everyone that you could smell it in the air, on the tip of the tongue. I heard from Fernando that emotions smell differently for everyone. For me, adrenaline smelt sweetly bitter with a tart aftertaste, like a mix of really really dark chocolate and a pinch of lime. Well, this was how it smelled for me on average. Everyone smelled emotions differently, but everyone’s emotions smelled different too. The smell was what I remembered most, so it was what I dreamed most specifically.

We crowded around the two opponents wrestling it out in a dirt floored ring. The only thing keeping us back was the white chalk line drawn in the dirt. Well, that, and the fact that if any of us messed up traditional proceedings, the adults would be uber pissed.

This was the first level of the Challenge, in which everyone had to compete. And I meant everyone. Out of all the kid-pack, the top twenty opponents would go onto other levels, and then they would be picked off one by one in the following competitions, but everyone in the Dark Light pack between the ages of nine and thirteen had to compete. These later Challenges didn’t just have to do with strength, but strategic skills and quick-decision-making abilities. When only three opponents remained, the leaders would pick which one to be the winner. Even I didn’t know what they did to pick, but I knew it was some secret process shrouded in mystery, and that it took two to seven days to be completed.

Right now, Vrees was throwing a blonde girl named Stephanie into the dirt. These fights weren’t over until either someone tapped out, someone got pinned, someone broke a bone or was otherwise seriously injured, or an adult declared a definite winner. The last usually only happened after there was bleeding.

Stephanie got a good shot in, sweeping his legs out from under him so that they were now both lying in the dirt, but he recovered slightly faster than she did, and he pounced on her. I watched absentmindedly as they struggled against each other, both landing solid enough hits that Vrees’s nose was bleeding and it was obvious she was going to have a black eye. At the end, he pinned her and it was called a match.

After that, Sammy J. fought Snipe, and Sammy won, despite heckling from Derek on Snipe’s behalf and Snipe’s taunting comments beforehand. I wandered over to the refreshments bar, and though I didn’t swallow hamburgers like they were going out of style, as I saw Alita and Haldo doing, I did eat some watermelon. I knew the stigma around black people and watermelon, but I liked watermelon, so I ate it anyway. When my name was called, I froze with watermelon juice dripping down my chin. I did this because of my opponent.

I stared down at the baggy hot pink sweatpants I always wore as a nine year old while I pushed my way through the crowd of kids and the occasional adult. I hadn’t been preparing to forfeit the match, but as I stepped into the ring, it was all I could think of doing. I didn’t really know why. Vrees had never done anything to me before, aside from staring at me weirdly sometimes and then turning and giggling with his best friend Haldo. But that wasn’t a reason to want to give up any sort of status in the shifter community, was it? He stepped forwards to shake my hand before the fight, a grin plastered across his face and dried blood coming from his nose.

I panicked. There was just something about him; something that made me freeze up. He wasn’t older, not that much taller, and I was willing to bet I could give him more of a run for his money that that Stephanie girl had. Even so, something indescribable prevented me from fighting him. He shook my hand, said, “No hard feelings, kay?” and took his stance, about two feet away from me. Completely ready to fight, loving the adrenaline rushing through me, completely ready to beat him, or at least give it a hard go, I went to take my stance. I faltered. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know why. But slowly, I bent down on one knee and lowered my head.

I could hear the gasps as if a ghost were sucking the air from right next to my ear. My stomach dropped like a stone. I knew what this meant. I knew that on most levels, I didn’t want this, but it happened anyway.

“Does she even know what she just did?”

“How could she?”

“She could’ve taken him!”

“...she choose Omega. Oh the poor dear.”

“Why? Against him? He’s not that bad!”

The whispers of children and adults alike concreted my actions. What in the world was wrong with me??? I tried to stand but found that my legs lacked the ability. I rose my head to meet Vrees’s eyes, and his expression was one of slack-jawed disbelief. Raising my eyes more, I saw my parents’ expressions as well. My mother was furious, my father sympathetic; this was two months before they died.

That was when I jolted awake. 

Judging from the light, it was probably around 5:30am.

I snuffled, and wiped both the morning sand and the tears from my eyes.

The main reason I’d woken was because of my parents expressions. Seeing their faces so vividly in memory like that was like seeing their ghosts. My mother wore her shiny straightened jet-black hair that curled around her face like a bob. It was her favorite hairstyle, though she had it changed often. She wasn’t the only black person in the Dark Light pack, but including her, there were only five or something, out of all thirty or something adults. My father, blonde, average height, and blue eyes, was only barely not shorter than my mom. He’d stared at me with confusion, but he knew I must’ve had a reason. He was always ready to accept anyone, no matter what they’d done. He always said forgiveness and understanding was one of the biggest things that made good Catholic. The tears I’d just wiped away came again. I tried not to think of my parents much for this reason.

The other reason I woke up was because after all this time, I was finally able to recognize the subtle controlling that had prevented me from facing Vrees in battle. It was _not_ truly a decision I had made on my own, to be the coward who wouldn’t have her opponent. Someone, no, some Alpha or Beta, who had a lot of experience in not only blatant Commanding like Vrees was, but in the finer more subtle art of the Command, had used their given powers to oppress my mind. Someone had forced me to become the Omega of the pack.

Someday, preferrably with lots of help, I would return to the Dark Light pack. I would find whoever had ruined my life, and I would destroy them.


	27. Chapter 27

They moved together in their stolen moment of connection. He touched his lips against hers, and she pulled them tight against each other. They both knew they wouldn’t have much time.

She held him close and nibbled on his ear while stroking his arms.

He ran his hands along the length of her body.

She took off his shirt and pushed him to the floor.

After all they’d dealt with: the abuse, the mind games, the feelings of abandonment, it was a miracle they were now together. It would definitely be a change for everyone in the pack to accept. Some had already shown support for the couple, but some It had been a surprise for him too. She moaned in his ear and wrapped her legs around his waist. He hadn’t expected for her to come like this; wanting him like this. He’d been sure that everything was over between them, after the running. But maybe, just maybe, she had forgiven him for what he did.

As she pulled away from his ear, he took the chance and kissed her on the lips harder than he’d ever kissed anyone before.

She pulled back once more to dip her mouth near his neck again and again, all while running her hands up and down his chest.

Despite his best efforts, his lips trembled at her touch. _This_ was what he had been craving. For months, no, maybe even years.

“I love you, Katrina,” he said.

“I know,” she said with a wink. Jeez. Even now, she was thinking about Star Wars.

She sighed into him and he rolled her over on the floor. Normally, she probably would have protested, as it was covered in the sand that persistently tracked in no matter where in Michigan you were, but this moment was, the first of many moments to come. This was one of the most important things that could possibly happen in his life.

Instead of protesting, she grinned. She grinned like a wolf and showed her fangs, sprouted from excitement and the heat of the moment.

He smiled back, and his eyes shone with the same excitement… and nervousness.

She stroked his cheek with two fingers, and then, before he could get too anxious and mess something up, like he always did, she leaned down and bit him on the neck. Right at the part where it connected to his shoulder.

He moaned, completely unable to help himself. It did hurt, true, but it also felt oddly… relaxing. Though it also hurt. A lot. The bite stung, and each droplet of blood that left from the wound didn’t help. It felt almost like having four excessively large needles *filled* with malaria-*vaccine* puncture him at the same time.

Because she was watching, and he knew she disliked it when he acted weak (especially enough to actually _cry_ about something) he tried to hold his tears back; to blink them away.

“It’s okay to cry, Thomas,” she said nonchalantly, when she’d licked her lips clean.

“No, it’s... it’s okay,” he said, still doing his absolute best not to cry. The pain would subside.

He hadn’t realized that his eyes had been shut until he opened them. He opened them, because she was no longer resting one hand on his chest, and one in his scruffy dirty blonde hair. She wasn’t touching him anymore, because she was fixing her hair in the reflection of the janitor's vacuum, and getting ready to leave.

“Wh-where are you going?” he asked, somewhat stunned and _completely_ taken by surprise.

She glanced over at him, seemingly confused, “Umm, I’m leaving?”

Thomas grasped for words, “I… I mean… don’t you want to stay a little bit longer? That is, you know, with me?”

Katrina gave him the most painfully hopelessly blank stare he’d ever seen. “What for? We’re done here, aren’t we? This closet floor is full of sand, and I’m kind of hungry. I have things to do, you know. Now that it’s finally Saturday, I can hit up the gym and get a few rounds in with Sam.” She said this, and then pretended to box for a few seconds.

He tried to think, to say something that would explain to her what he meant, but then again, she had a point. There really _wasn’t_ any reason for her to stay. Katrina wasn’t really into the whole ‘emotional’ thing. A lot of things might have changed, but this obviously wasn’t one of them.

“Uhh, nevermind,” he said with a somewhat embarrassed smile. He clenched his shirt in front of him, as if he were shielding himself. “Have a nice time, Kat.”

She rose an eyebrow, crossed her arms, and pursed her lips, “Okay buster, let me get two things straight.” He widened his eyes a little. This was one of her very _threatening_ tones. Maybe that hadn’t changed either. “First of all, you do _not_ call me Kat. Just… no. And second of all, none of this means that I’ll be any more lenient on you. You do what I say, you get out of my way, and you WILL NOT run away from the pack again. Do you understand?”

Thomas was taken aback by both her words and her tone. “I, uhh…”

“Do. You. Under. Stand?” Katrina growled, low and threatening.

He nodded, subconsciously looking down and making himself smaller.

“Good boy,” she said. He could hear the immediate shift in her tone. Now she was happy and pumped up, ready to go work out with her friends. He didn’t even see the closet door shutting; he only heard it.

He could hear his blood rushing through his ears. He clenched his jaw. His eyes brimmed full of tears, and as they spilled from his eyes and landed on his lips, he licked them away. What had he been thinking? Nothing had changed. Of course nothing had changed. He’d let Kat bite him, claim him, and for what? He was still the pet. She would still use him.

Since no one was in the pack house but Kat and him when they’d entered, now that she was gone, Thomas felt free to hurl his anger without being heard. He screamed at the house how fucking unfair it was that she got to use and hurt him like that. After he hit the wall with a balled up fist, he curled up to cry, hoping he hadn’t broken his hand.

The threats weren’t groundless. He knew this because she’d hurt him before, leaving him with scars and bruises. After she’d stopped him from running away this last time, Katrina had promised him that things would change. She said they’d be together, as mates, the way they were supposed to be. He supposed it was somewhat his fault for not taking the time to talk to her about exactly what she’d meant by “change”, but at times… she could just be so intimidating…

She’d abused him before, his upper left shoulder and lower neck still stung, and just for good measure, he blamed her for the pain in his hand too.


	28. Rose’s POV

This was the sixth town I’d passed since the dream, err, memory, that led me to the revelation about my status as an Omega. However, this was the first one that smelled of wolves. This was the first one that smelled of Shifters. This was exactly what I was looking for.

Because wolves were generally cautious of strangers, I figured the best way to approach this new pack (hopefully _my_ new pack) was as a human. Maybe, if I even made some new friends beforehand, the pack would, as a group, be much more accepting of me. Maybe I could really find a place for myself here.

The first place I went was a gas station by the side of the main highway. I wasn’t actually on the main highway, but I’d been using it as a sort of place keeper, so I knew I wouldn’t get lost in the woods. Every half an hour or so, I would make sure I was still in the right place, and I’d find the highway. Just a peek through the trees was all I needed, and then I was back to running, my paws beating against the soft ground.

As I shifted, I realized that I was in no way or means presentable. My clothes were all ripped, from my black tee-shirt with a rather large and unfortunately placed tear in the side, to my men’s jeans, which despite being near indestructible before this point, were now torn at the knee. On top of the physical tears, my clothes were covered in both what I hoped was mud, plant leaves and seeds, and green stains. My hair wasn’t much better looking. From what I’d seen in a puddle while passing to the gas station, the twigs, straw, and burrs wrapped up in my hair made it look like a huge frizzy smokey black Raven’s nest. I was pretty sure that a drugstore was just about the _only_ place I could get away with looking like this.

The backpack I’d all but forgotten about turned out to be very very useful. Though all the clothing I’d packed fell out of the bag because I hadn’t secured it before I ran from… the inn, my money had stayed in the zipped up pocket at the bottom. That was all I really needed.

The next hour was spent, well, spending. I bought dried fruit snacks; several bottles of water, three of which I drank on the spot; three rolled blank white tee-shirts; two pairs of running shorts that was a little too short for my tastes, but that were actually the only pants in my painfully petite size; socks (I was saddened to find that they didn’t sell shoes at rest stops); four pairs of underwear (that was a little embarrassing to put onto the counter, but along with my other purchases, I don’t think the cashier was really that surprised); a hairbrush; a map of the town; a comb; a watch; one of those on-the-go one-time-use mini toothbrushes with an exploding gel packet of toothpaste in the brush; and a bar of soap.

The hour after _that_ was spent using the gas station restroom as my personal bathroom.

When I left the drugstore, I felt fresher and cleaner than I had in my entire life. And now I felt much more confident in approaching a member of this pack. That was, if I could find them.

I knew that using my sense of smell wouldn’t really help me to find other shifters unless I was already within a fairly close proximity to them, so after thinking it over for about no more than ten seconds, I decided to go to a highschool and hang around while the kids came out of the school. Using the map I bought, I steered myself through the streets.

It was weird, seeing all these houses lined up on both sides of the street. It was weird seeing the occasional decorative tree next to the cracked sidewalk. The image of a, well, _normal_ neighborhood was so freakish to me, despite having lived in one only about a week ago, that I almost couldn’t reconcile the image with reality. It was true that our pack houses were a _little_ set away from the town, but they were close enough that I ended up passing through the normal people neighborhoods every day as I walked to school. Oh school… it’s funny, but if I’d stayed, I would have graduated in a month. I hadn’t really considered that. Now, I would either have to retake my Senior year, or I would be a highschool drop-out. I physically winced. I really didn’t want to be a highschool dropout.

I actually made it to the school in good time. The watch I bought read 2:47pm as the time. My school got out for the day at 3:10pm, but I had no idea when this one did. Thankfully, I only had to wait for thirteen more minutes before kids of various ages and sizes started flooding out, laughing and chatting with their friends. At this point, I realized how sketchy I probably looked. Being what most people would see as a black girl, hanging around outside school in the shadows, obviously not having come from the school, I couldn’t really help but look like some kind of amateur drug dealer.

Because of this, and also because it was a little far away to smell if specific people were Shifters, I decided that I had to get in the crowd. I _hated_ crowds. I did my best not to look down at my dirty shoes while I walked (the one thing I couldn’t buy a new one of at the drugstore) and I _accidentally_ bumped into almost every person I came into contact with, to get a good chance to sniff them up. Halfway through the crowd, my attention was snagged by an interesting -yet familiar- scene.

“Give it back, you jerk!” a boy cried. He was frantically clawing for his backpack, but this other guy, who looked like he could have been six foot three, was holding it high above his head. Not to mention, he was holding the smaller kid down. Against the school wall. By the front of his shirt.

“Make me, baby,” the bigger guy said.

I watched them struggle against each other with a bored curiosity. I’d never seen this situation from the other side before. The obvious bully had light brown hair and square shoulders. He probably played some sort of sport. Maybe lacrosse. Or football. Or soccer. The smaller kid wasn’t actually _small_. He was just smaller. Actually, he was probably an inch or two taller than I was.

Both of their heads turned as if on cue. I followed their gazes and saw a group of four girls. At the sight of the two struggling boys, one of them broke away from the group and went up, stomping, to the two boys.

“What are you doing, Gus?” she growled. Oh wait… Oh wait, oh shit, she actually _did_ growl! This wasn’t just a group of teenagers beating each other up, this was a group of Shifter teenagers beating each other up. Sadly, to be honest, people expected it of Shifters. As teenagers, the sometimes violent tendencies of wolves tended to emerge more. Knowing that these were shifters, I figured my best bet would be to approach them after whatever this was, was finished.

“Sorry, Kat, d’you want him all to yourself today?” the guy jeered.

“How many times have I told you, you _idiot_ that you’re not allowed to touch him?! This is the third time in a day!” She was scowling furiously, but he only looked somewhat sheepish.

“Ugh, fine, I’ll give him his dumb bag back,” he whined. Though when he dropped the smaller blonde kid, it was a little too hard, and when he shoved the kid’s backpack back into his arms, it was a little too rough. “Why d’you have to ruin all my fun, Kat?”

The girl, Kat, took no time in slapping his straight across the face. Although I didn’t know what for. “Do not call me Kat, Gus. My name is Katrina.”

I didn’t really care about their exchange anymore. My gaze followed the blonde kid, who, while looking pretty grateful to this Katrina girl, also still seemed to be somewhat anxious. He clutched his backpack tight to his chest. I looked around, and I wasn’t the only person observing them. The group of three girls was also still waiting around, though they looked pretty bored.

While I hadn’t been paying attention, the bully left to board the school bus. People were still flooding out. Now Katrina was yelling at the blonde kid. I listened in closer, mostly because I really wanted to know what she had to yell at _him_ for.

“I can’t always protect you,” she told him, backing him against the wall. “You need to stop being a wuss and grow a spine for once! The reason people beat on you is because you’re such a wimp, you know. You need to toughen up!” Despite the fact that she’d been protecting him before, she looked rather suspiciously like the bully to me now.

“I… I know Katrina. I’m sorry.” He looked down at his feet. “There w-was nothing I could have done…”

“You could stop practically inviting them to beat you up! Look at you, you whole posture just screams Loser. And your backpack… what is that? Why in the world does it have pink on it?!”

He looked away and nodded. For some reason, I found this, not the physical threats, to be really emotionally moving. For me, I always said whatever Vrees wanted me to say, but I never really agreed with most of it. This kid looked like he believed it all.

“That is complete and utter bullshit,” I said, walking up to the pair of them. I internally slapped myself. What was wrong with me that I had to _involve_ myself??? “You and I both know that that guy, Gus, would have beat him up whether or not he had bad posture, or his backpack was pink. This is obviously not the first time this has happened, and it’s not going to be the last.”

“Who in the world are you?” Katrina asked me.

“My name is Rose,” I said, more confidently than I thought I’d ever said anything in my entire life. “And I want to join your pack.”


	29. Vrees’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies, everyone. I've been working, packing, traveling the past few days. I will continue to post one chapter a day as per usual now.

My father was never my father during Alpha meetings; he tried to stay strictly in the role of the Alpha. Mostly, the environment was one of professionalism and respect. That didn’t stop him from criticizing my every move when I severely messed up. Take now, for instance.

I could feel the eyes of my father’s whole pack on me as I tried to explain myself. Mostly, the situation could have been handled much more easily than it had been. This was not one for the leadership points. But then again, everyone else here knew what it had felt to have their first mate. I was only eighteen, I’d just met my first mate two months ago, she’d run away, and on top of it all I had the pressure of being the Alpha to deal with. I was pretty sure that anyone BUT my father would have understood. But of course, he’d gone through the same thing. Only he and my mother hit it off perfectly, and his transition from lesser Alpha to full Alpha had gone without a single mishap, making his parents (who were neither Alphas nor Betas) as proud as could be. He expected the same high standards from me, of course.

“So, just to refresh,” Alpha Liefde Senior said for the second time, “why did your mate not leave the pack officially? Does she not know that if she did, we could not follow her, or be in violation of her rights as a WolfShifter?”

“I don’t know her reasonings, Alpha,” I answered. “However, I suspect that she did not feel she would be safely allowed to follow through with the technical proceedings.”

The setup of this room was some mix between throne-room and court-room. On the one hand, all adult members of the Dark Light pack were sitting in what looked very similar to jury seats, but on the other hand, my father had a stairs-leading-to-the-throne setup here, that had a way of making whoever stood before him feel very very inferior. When Mom was here, I heard she liked to lean against one of the jury boxes. People told me how it always infuriated my father, but he couldn’t do much about it. People also used to tell me about how she hated sitting up on my father’s “throne business” because she actually thought it was kind of stupid.

“And what, exactly, happened to make her feel this unsafe simply going through the paperwork involved with denouncing the Dark Light pack?” He raised an eyebrow, and leaned forwards in his chair. In his right hand, he held a file containing all the recorded information the pack had on Rose.

“Well, as you know, her fears were completely unfounded as I would never prevent any member of my pack from leaving. But… as it says right there, she _was_ an Omega, and as with most Omegas, her treatment in the pack was less than friendly…” In my father’s eyes, my shame in the matter was of absolutely no consequence.

“You _do_ realize, that because this girl did not denounce the Dark Light pack before she ran, she will not be able to join another pack until she does, correct?” he demanded of me.

“Yes, Alpha. However, she could also create her own pack.”

“Son,” he said in an uncharacteristic moment of unprofessionalism, “when she left, did this Killian girl have enough resources to make her own pack?”

“Well, no,” I admitted, “but if she decides to be a lone wolf, as a lot of Omegas do, then we might never find her.” I tried to keep my voice steady as I said this, but it almost cracked. Almost. That would have been so embarrassing.

Alpha Liefde Senior sat back in his throne and tilted his head up, thinking. Then he signed, which probably wasn’t good. “You have been neglecting a lot of your duties, lately,” he said, looking at me again. “Now, I understand that you might want to continue searching for her, but… maybe it’s best for your pack if you forget her.” I heard a few members of my father’s pack gasp at his suggestion, but a brief glance to the sides revealed about just as many nodding slowly, their sympathetic faces not doing much to soften the blow.

So that was what this was really about. Once the mate bond of Rose wore off from prolonged separation, I might be able to get over her and find a new mate, but the thing was, I didn’t want to. There was something about Rose, there had _always_ been something about her, that made me want to be close to her. Sure, now it was the mate pull, but before that… It was a horrible thing for me to admit to myself, but I’d been more intimate with Rose while I was beating her than I’d been with Alita while we were kissing.

 _We’re not giving up on Rose,_ an often silent part of my subconscious said. My wolf and I usually agreed on my decisions with things, so I hadn’t heard much from it. This was the first time it had spoken to me in a while in any form other than my thoughts. _She’s not just any old mate. She’s our love._

“Sir, if I may…” I wasn’t quite sure what I would say to explain myself. If I didn’t even understand myself, how would they? “I will by no means go searching for Rose, and as for neglecting my duties, well it goes without saying that I won’t let it happen again-”

“This is all good to hear,” my father interrupted. For all his gripings about how he hated it when me or either of my siblings did that, he did it quite often.

“But if we get word of Rose, as in, definite word from another pack about her wanting to join, may I have your permission to take a day or two and try to persuade her to return to our pack?” I internally winced while I waited. It was a simple request, but one I felt he wouldn’t be quick to grant.

My father sighed and thought. Most of the pack seemed bored already. This was, by no means, a meeting just between me and my father that his whole pack happened to be privy to. My father held a semi-weekly meeting to address all pack matters. This was the time he demanded I come. They were probably waiting for a more interesting subject than my love life and pending Alpha-tude.

“Oh, alright,” he drawled, obviously not liking this, “as long as you don’t take more than three days.”

I internally high-fived myself and did a little dance.

“Thank you, Alpha,” I said aloud with a straight face.

“You are dismissed,” he said, “now go back to your pack house and prepare for the make-up council meeting, seeing as you _missed_ the last one.”

I gave a short bow and then left the room, meeting Haldo on the outside.

“How did it go?” Haldo asked me.

“As well as could be expected,” I replied, walking. Haldo caught up and fell in step next to me.

“Well that’s good.”

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked it while we were walking outside. I didn’t usually have it on me places aside from the pack house and school, in case I dropped it while running, but I’d brought it this time because both me and Haldo were out and I’d put Sammy J. in charge. I wanted to be able to know if they were trashing the house.

“Yup,” I think I mumbled after a while. We got outside my dad’s house and I put the phone back in my pocket. No texts.

“Hey,” Haldo said, “do you want to go get ice cream or something before we go back? I’m sure they’ll be fine for another half-an-hour without us. You look like you need a break.”

I inhaled the woodsy air for a second. I kind of did need a break.

“Nah, man,” I said after a few seconds of thought. “My dad’s already cutting me some slack as the Alpha. I need to prepare my speech for the council meeting.”

We stripped down in front of each other and then shifted. It wasn’t that weird; we’d been doing this for a while whenever it was just us. We were best friends, and anyway, after a certain point neither of us really had the energy for modesty.

 _He’s really hard on you,_ Haldo said.

 _It’s because I’m his son,_ I told him back, _he wants me to be the best._


	30. Rose’s POV

The petite -or rather, _small_ \- blonde kid’s name was apparently Thomas. I learned this because he’d been the one tasked with showing me around the pack house while Katrina and her group of girls met with the Alpha. It wasn’t as easy as you’d think to learn his name at first because he wasn’t much of a talker. I understood. I wasn’t much of a talker either back in the Dark Light pack. But maybe he could sense that, because he seemed to want to talk little more after Kat and the other girls left, and a whole lot more after I told him -just between the two of us- why I’d left my last pack.

I learned that Thomas was not, in fact, just smaller than every other upperclassman. He was younger too. It also seemed that I had earned a bit of his trust when standing up to Katrina, and so after a bit of small talk, he pretty much told me all I wanted to know.

“They, that is, the school board, moved me up two grades in middle school. My parents wanted to move me up even more, because I was both really good at the busywork sort of nonsense that schools like to foster and I was pretty much knowledgeable of all their earlier subjects. The school board said no, though, thought it would damaging to my ‘emotional maturity and development’ or whatever.” He waved his hands about above his head to indicate the ridiculousness of it all. “They refused to move me up again throughout all of middle school. When I got to highschool, my mom immediately enrolled me as a sophomore.”

“Huh,” I said. “So, wait… just to recap, you’re a fifteen year old Junior?”

He nodded, “I turned fifteen in January.”

Now that I thought about it, I could have skipped a grade or two and not had to deal with Vrees and his friends for nearly as long. It had never really occurred to me. The academic route hadn’t really seemed like a feasible way out, which was partially why I hadn’t even applied to any colleges this year. I’d completely brushed my councilor off last year. Wow. College Grad vs. Highschool Dropout? I may not have made the best possible choice on that front.

“And how old, exactly, is Katrina?” I’d seen the way her and their pack treated him. And now I was beginning to think that it was because of his age. They’d probably gotten used to treating him like the little one- the odd one out, and that hadn’t changed even as they all grew to a point where age didn’t really matter as much.

“She’s seventeen. Going on eighteen in the fall.”

I counted it up in my head, “So let me get this straight, Katrina is just a few months shy of three years older than you?” I asked. He nodded again. I let out a breath.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Thomas…” I didn’t really know what else to say about that, or how to respond. I still had plenty of questions about the pack, though, and Thomas was my guide. “So… what is the name of this pack?” I didn’t even think to ask before requesting to join.

“We call it the Boluway pack,” he said. {Bow-loo-way}

“Wait, what?” I said, “Why is it called that?”

He nodded sternly as if he was glad I’d asked. “Because we, in the pack of the Bowel Lugger’s Way, are very proud of the good work we do.”

I stared at him.

“Jeez, can’t you take a joke?” he asked with a somewhat anxious chuckle, “It’s actually an abbreviation of the Bioluminescent Waves pack. Mostly because Bioluminescent Waves sounds nerdy and kind of dumb. Honestly, I want to know who originally named our packs.”

“They usually have to do with some sort of light sources, waves, or fractals,” I remarked.

“Yeah, I’d noticed that too,” he said.

At the beginning of the pack house ‘tour’, Thomas had been actually pointing to things and explaining stuff about the building. But it wasn’t _that_ big of a building, and most of the rooms on the top two floors were bedrooms. As we finished up with the tour, we sat on a wooden bench outside of the Alpha’s study and waited. Of course, the study was soundproof, so neither of us had any idea what they were talking about in there.

“So how come I’ve never seen any of your pack at meetings or anything?” I asked. “Did you guys even go to Pairings?”

“Nah,” he answered, leaning back against the wall and folding his hands in his lap. “We’re not part of your pack system.”

I was confused again, and I sat up, staring over at him, “Why not?”

Thomas beamed me a toothy lopsided grin, “Because, while still being shifters, we are not _Canis lupus lupus,_ or, the common grey wolf, shifters.”

My eyes widened, and if I were a loony toons character, I probably would have heard the clunk of my jaw hitting the floor. “What? What are you then?”

Thomas gave me a silly look that was oddly reminiscent of the yellow emoji that sticks it’s tongue out the corner of it’s mouth. “We’re _Canis lupus arctos_!”

I paused, “Thomas, what the heck does being a pack of white wolves have to do with attending pack meetings?”

He glared, as if to say ‘haha, very funny’, “It has to do with everything, of course. We’re a completely different sub-species of wolf! Saying that we’re grey wolves, or that we should attend a meeting for grey wolf packs, is like saying that both robins and sparrows should fly together when they migrate!”

“I’m not sure about sparrows, but I’m pretty sure that robins don’t migrate,” I pointed out.

“Whatever. That’s not the point-”

“Wait, how are you even here?” I interrupted.

He turned his palms up like he was throwing his hands in the air, “Now _that’s_ not a vague question.”

“We’re in the upper peninsula of Michigan, for heaven's sake! I’m like, 83% sure that arctic wolves only live, well, in the arctic!” I crossed my arms at my chest.

He took a slow breath in, as if about to deliver some profound wisdom or something. “Rose. Rosie dear. Rosie baby. Rose, you sweet, poor, innocent child.”

“Do I need to smack you?” I asked him with an unamused glare.

“Have you ever thought about moving to somewhere different? Like, I don’t know, Texas?” The sudden change of topic confused me, but I humored him. He was _probably_ going somewhere with this. If not, I could always smack him.

“Well, not Texas exactly. I just get this weird little feeling that Texans wouldn’t appreciate my distinct half-blackness.”

“Forget Texas. Think Arizona.” He held a little imaginary Arizona in his hands and placed it in front of me. My eyebrow almost raised of its own accord. “Okay, so you have now moved to Arizona. You live in Arizona. You work there, live there, buy groceries there, see movies there, pay taxes there, shift there, the works.”

I nodded, beginning to see where he was going with this. I took the imaginary Arizona in my hands.

“Being the smart person you are-” he continued.

“Have to disagree with you on that,” I interrupted.

“Being the seemingly intelligent person you are,” he continued again, “I’m assuming that you’ve researched wolves to give you some sort of an advantage on any opponents.”

It wasn’t that I hadn’t done that, just that I wanted to know where he was getting all these assumptions from.

“So tell me, Rose, which species or sub-species of wolves live in Arizona?”

“The mexican wolf,” I answered dully. “You know, that took an exceedingly long amount of time for you to say something so dumb. I get it. Shifters are humans too, and humans move to different places, sometimes despite the disadvantage to their wolf forms.”

“Right!” he said, beaming, “also, there’s bloody well nothing to do in Alaska. No people _whatsoever_! It’s kinda hard to-”

That was when Katrina opened the door to the study.

“The Alpha ready for you to come in,” she said, smiling. Despite how rude she’d been to Thomas at the school, she actually seemed like an alright person. Or maybe it was a Vrees and I sort of situation…

“Tell me how it goes,” Thomas whispered after me. I gave him a hurried half-nod, but I was too busy combing through my hair with my fingers and being nervous about meeting the Alpha to assure him I would.

“She’s just in here,” Katrina said.


	31. Rose’s POV

I had been wrong about several things. Things that I had just assumed. My first mistake was in assuming that the Alpha was a guy. My second was in assuming that this meeting would be as stiff as the ones we held back at the Dark Light pack. Not to even mention Alpha Candy.

Alpha Candy was certainly something.

In fact, it was a little overwhelming just looking at her.

She had very German features: a long wide nose, broad shoulders, big mouse-like upper teeth, and full enough chest, with faintly pigmented white skin. She was average height, just an inch or two shorter than I, and she had a well built and muscular frame. That was where anything about that her fit into any sort of preconceived notion I’d ever had stopped.

Her eyes were green, which would have been interesting enough but was made more so by the fact that this particular shade of green was an impossible neon that must have been the product of contacts. She wore an outfit suitable for a stripper, with straps and scantily places bits of cloth resting amongst bare patches of skin. But somehow even from as stunned as I was, I could see that it was an outfit that wouldn’t hinder your fighting.

And then there was the hair. The fact that it was a dark magenta was accented ever more by the gore-pink tips that landed around her shoulders and garish blonde highlights. Well, they looked more like streaks than highlights to me. As well as the… interesting color palette, the hair had a practically impossible frizzy texture. It stuck up from her head about an inch and a half, like an afro, and then fell down. As a whole, it sort of gave the image of a lion’s mane. Instead of falling in miniscule little curls though, it seemed to fall in itsy-bitsy zig-zags, like Harry Potter’s lightning bolt multiplied by a billion.

“Eeek! Here’s the new victim!” Candy shrieked, grasping her hands together and popping her right leg up like a kawaii anime girl, displaying one of her neon-violet combat boots.

“Erm… I’m the ‘victim’?” I asked Katrina, who stood off to the side, equal distance from both me and Alpha Candy. She shrugged with a half hidden grin, as if this were a common occurrence, but she still enjoyed seeing me react to it.

“OMG, seriously though… We haven’t had a new kid in _ages_! Let alone a girl!” She was clearly still overexcited, and her hands were also still clasped at her torso, but she leaned back against the mahogany desk and smiled politely. “So,” she begun, “we should get on with it. My name is Candace Delamando -but you can call me Alpha Candy- and I will be leading your interrogation. I need your name, previous ranking, reason for leaving your last pack, sub-species of wolf, and backstory.” Alpha Candy giggled.

“Oh, I uh…” I didn’t really know why I was surprised, but this Alpha just seemed to be one of those sort of people. “I don’t really know where to start…”

“Name,” she prompted brisquely.

“Rose Ezi Killian,” I answered.

“Now where does that sort of name come from?” she asked.

“Well, Rose is a family name. A Catholic name-”

This seemed to interest her, “You’re family’s Catholic?”

I nodded, “Yeah. Well, my Dad was.”

“Was?”

“He’s dead.”

“And mother dear?”

“Her too. Same time.” Somehow, it was easier to state it so bluntly like this, no preamble or anything. My parents were dead. It was a fact. No beating around the bush or anything.

“What about the name Ezi?”

“Mother’s side. It’s a traditional Gaelic name that means ‘defiant’. She’s one-eighth Irish, and a direct descendent of the one-eighth. Killian came from my dad, though. He’s two-thirds Irish.”

The Alpha seemed to consider this for a moment. She opened her mouth and took that little half-a-second pause people took before they asked any sort of question about my ethnicity, so I was almost expecting it when she asked. “And which one of your parents were black?” Though I _was_ surprised that she didn’t just assume I was fully African-American. Most people just saw dark skin and mentally labeled me Black.

“My mom. My dad was a blonde-haired blue-eyed white guy.”

“Where was your mom from? Or was she just African-American?”

“African-American,” I answered.

Alpha Candy nodded, seeming to accept this. “So, Rosie…”

“Just Rose, please,” I said.

She accepted this, “So, Rose…” she randomly grinned like a crazy person, “Why’d you leave your last pack?”

I blinked for a moment at her expression, “Well… it has to do with my previous ranking”

“Omega?” she guessed.

I nodded, “In the most traditional sense.” She gave me a sympathetic look. I continued, “I only recently found this out, but during the Competitions, I was psionically controlled into forfeiting my fight. Against my future Alpha, no less.” I shifted to my left foot and crossed my arms. “After that, it all went downhill. My parents died; I was officially instated as the Omega of the Dark Light young pack; I got into fights with everyone; and because I was an Omega, I started to get ganged up on, even when I didn’t start the fight. Two and a half months ago, I was mated to my main tormentor, the Alpha, and a little over than three weeks ago, I ran away.”

The Alpha raised her eyebrows. “You’ve only been without a pack for three weeks?” she cackled, “You must not’ve taken a liking to the Lone Wolf life.”

I shrugged, “What can I say? I like being around people.” Katrina coughed and shifted her weight.

Alpha Candy smiled. “Alright then. Last thing: what sub-species of wolf are you? Although I’m pretty sure I already know…”

“ _Canis lupus lupus_ ,” I said with the most glazed over look I had. “Otherwise known as the common grey wolf. I talked to Thomas briefly before I came in, and he informed me that this is a pack of Arctic wolves, no?”

“Yupperdoodles. Though if you’re worried about looking like the black sheep in a herd of… white wolves… erm, I think that was a little bitsy of a mixed metaphor there,” she looked into the distance like she was some sort of weird guru. “Anyway!” apparently she’d just lost her train of thought, “We have a few grey wolves already, so I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

I grinned. Despite her thematic bright colors and blood lust appearance, Candy seemed like she could be a really cool person. And she had made it through all the trials and rigors of the Ranking Competition, so that basically meant she _had_ to be smart in the sorts of ways that mattered. If I was being honest to myself, I was excited, no, ecstatic, to be joining her pack.

The Alpha had, in the three or so seconds when I was thinking instead of paying attention to her, vaulted over her desk and placed herself in the swivel chair. She was now spinning in it, saying ‘Wheeeeeeeeeeeee’ under her breath repeatedly.

“Oh yeah, you’re totally excused or whatever. Katrina’ll show you to whichever room she feels is most appropriate.” she said when she faced me and realized I was still there. She kept spinning.

I grinned in a way I hadn’t in more than a month. “Okay, Alpha Candy.” I turned to leave.

She stopped her spinning with a jolt and leaned down, “Wait!”

I stopped and turned back, “Yeah?”

“I just remembered something!”

I waited. After a moment went by, “Yeah?” I said again.

She squeezed her eyes together. Her facial expressions oddly matched emojis. This one reminded me of DX. “Mmm, gimme a sec.”

“Take as many secs as you need,” I said. I instantly regretted saying that, and both internally and externally facepalmed.

“lol,” she said. Then she stood up, knocking her swivel chair over. “Okay! I’m good!” Her hands slammed down on her desk. Serious mode activated. “Rose, tell me this. Did you, or did you not officially resign from your previous pack?”

I opened my mouth to say, ‘of course I did!’, but it never came out. “I… don’t know what you mean,” I said carefully. “Isn’t an Omega allowed to leave the pack at any time for no reason?”

She shook her head, letting her neon-violet hair bounce across her shoulders. “Omegas are allowed to leave at any time with no reason given, but still, to prevent Omega kidnappings from being ignored, you have to officially resign from your pack. Paperwork and everything.

I paused, “So, what? I’ve officially kidnapped myself?”

“No, you’ve run away. Since it was clear that you weren’t taken by force, they are under no obligation to follow you, but until you’ve completed the proper processes back at the Dark Light pack, you’re technically not allowed to join the Bolumway pack.”

I swore that if I could have seen myself, my face would’ve visibly paled. “So… does this mean that I have to go back?”

“Either that, or I could contact them and tell them that you’re here, and to send over a courier shifter whom they trust with keeping the paperwork safe and making sure you fill it out correctly.”

I deflated, “Well, the second option doesn’t sound too bad, I guess.”

She smiled. However, instead of one of her carnival-esque smiles, this one was soft and appeared to be genuine. “Great,” she said. “I’ll get on it fifth thing tomorrow. Okay, I’m done now, you can go away.”

I went away. Katrina stayed behind to have a quick word with the Alpha. As I opened the grand door, I was a little surprised to find Thomas still sitting there. He stood up as soon as the it opened.

“How was it?” he asked. “What’d you think ‘a her?”

I shrugged and chuckled. “I don’t know exactly. She seems… violently feminine. I like her.”

Thomas giggled. “Nice choice of words.”

Katrina opened the study door behind me. “What’re you still doing here, Thomas? Don’t you have something you should be doing right now?”

“Right, but, see, Katrina,” he said with a slightly awkward expression, wringing his hands, “there’s, like, never anyone new. And you don’t mind me tagging along, do you?” he asked me.

I shrugged. “I don’t really care. I just want to see my room.”

Katrina motioned for Thomas to give me back my backpack. “In that case, follow me.”

As the two of us followed Katrina, something dawned on me. “So, how come you guys seem to hate nicknames with an avid passion?” I motioned to Katrina, “I mean, you nearly tore that guy’s head off when he called you Kat,” I motioned to Thomas, “And I’ve never once heard someone call you Thom.”

Katrina looked back at me and frowned. “What about you, Miss Rose-not-Rosie? I really don’t think you’re in a position to talk. Anyway, I’m sure Thomas has his reasons, but I really just hate cats.”

Thomas shrugged, “I really _don’t_ have my reasons, though. People just don’t call me Tom. I dunno why.”

“Here’s your room,” Katrina said. “I hope you don’t mind that you have a roommate. It was the only room that didn’t already have two other people in it.” I didn’t mind at all. Compared to my cupboard or the room Vrees gave me, it was a five-star hotel

“Who’s my roommate?” I asked.

“Candy is!” I looked at Katrina. She wasn’t kidding. I giggled.

“Well this’ll be interesting,” I said, mostly to myself.


	32. Vrees’s POV

Ever since meeting with my father a week and a half ago, I’d plunged myself into my work; filing boring and redundant paperwork for the most part of the day, teaching lazy pack members how to cook in the early evenings, and then working either self-defense training or patrol station until late in the night. Wake up, eat, go to school, come back, do paperwork, do homework, help cook, eat, work out, shower, sleep, repeat. It wasn’t that I was a workaholic, but I was in painfully desperate need of a distraction. I figured being the perfect student and Alpha was a lot better than doing something fatally stupid or becoming a recluse to binge Netflix in my room or getting high with sketchy people I hardly knew from school.

Every time I thought about Her, I couldn’t help but feel like I was freezing inside. It was a choking, breathless, helpless sort of feeling. The cold tightened around my chest, chaining me, before slowly settling into my feet and exacerbating the problem of gravity as I walked. My wolf felt it too, but in a different way. While I felt cold and heavy, he was grief-stricken and volatile.

Most of the time, people didn’t really hear from their wolves. It was the body that we transformed into, and for the most part, the wolf was in control while we did. Other than that, wolves generally found the complexity and intricacies of our cultures to be frustrating, so they stayed out of human affairs. What wasn’t too complex for him to care about was Rose. He couldn't really grasp why she’d left, but he did gather that it was completely my fault.

After I’d gotten to a point where I was emotionally stable enough to actually do my job properly, he began to make it his mission to punish me for what I’d done. Despite my best efforts, whenever I had spare time, it was spent thinking about Rose. That wasn’t just because of my obsessive mind. It was because my wolf didn’t want me to get any ideas about forgetting her. And how could I when those big beautiful obsidian eyes stared up at me while I signed the paperwork to admit a rogue wolf to our pack? Or when I heard her skeptical voice reminding me of a word I forgot while I wrote my Alpha speech? Or when I thought I saw her peek out from behind my office door as I begun laying out my plans for the new branch of the Dark Light pack? My wolf made sure that memories of her from my subconscious were pulled up with such detail that sometimes I could swear I was hallucinating. Trying to fight it only made it worse.

Right now was particularly hard. For the second time in less than fifteen minutes, I was sure I’d smelt her. Roses mixed with woodsmoke mixed with a sweetly savory BO combined to make up a uniquely Her scent. It wafted into my nose as if from not very far away. Her cupboard wasn’t far from my office -it was just across the kitchen, in fact- so this often happened back when she was here. It was hard to keep reminding myself that she wasn’t.

 _Whose fault is that?_ the demon's spawn growled at me.

 _I’m trying to work_ , I said, rubbing my temples and attempting to visualize the new pack house. It’d be a little run down from nearly twenty years of disuse. Every thirty or so years, the young adults went to the vacant pack house to start their own sub-pack. When the older sub-pack eventually all retired and became elders, that house was left vacant for the next generation to move into in about thirty years time. It was all a very complex system, and it was my duty to oversee every little detail.

 _You can work when you find her,_ he thought. _Until then, I want you to remember every detail of every day you pushed her away. I know you, Vrees. I’ve seen all your thoughts and I know your desires. Even despite the complicated way you humans think, I’m not quite as dumb as you think I am._

 _Shut up,_ I thought. _Just leave me alone and shut up._

_Even if you don’t want to admit it, I know what went on in your head._

**_Shut up._ **

_I know how you thought it was the only way to get close to her. You’re so pathetic you think no one could love you, so you had to make sure she hated you._

_You have **no idea** what you’re talking about! You may grasp some bare * **concepts** * of what I’m thinking, but you don’t understand anything! _I banged my fists against the desk and held my head in my hands.

_Do not insult me, boy. You know exactly how much I understand. Yes, it may be hard to comprehend what other humans are thinking and why, but **you,** especially regarding your emotions, are an open book to me._

_You’re wrong. That’s not what it was._

_You were taking advantage of her, making her hate you more and more, all because you thought hate would be the closest thing to passion you’d get-_

“That doesn’t even make any sense!” I yelled. I’d completely forgotten where I was. I was in the pack house. It was five in the afternoon. Most people were still inside doing homework or whatever. My office door was wide open.

And in that half of a second, he attacked me with my own memories. It was like being pushed into a deep pit filled with warmth and water and confusion, but in real time, it was only a fraction of a fraction of a second. Then, in just as little time, I resurfaced on the other side and opened my eyes; an observer. There were two versions of me. The past me, living out his life, and the current me, bound and gagged and forced to watch everything that happened eight years ago.


	33. Thomas’s POV

Rose joining the Boluway pack was the best thing that’d ever happened to me. For some -inexplicable- reason, she’d brought me into her circle of friends. And her circle of friends was the Alpha and Katrina’s circle of friends. By some weird extension, I started getting invited to parties and hang-outs. Sure, I was still getting beat up on a regular basis, now Katrina didn’t have to be as embarrassed to be around me. And even the physical abuse was tapering off a little; Rose wouldn’t allow it to happen in front of her. She looked like she wanted to hit something whenever she saw someone so much as threaten, but of course, there was always the times when she wasn’t there. It was still a lot better than it’d ever been before.

She was also still intensely curious about everything inside, and out, of the pack. So for once, I had someone to talk to about whatever mundane thing I wanted, who would actually listen. No one else really bothered to tell her what was going on most of the time, so by the end of the first week, I was more or less her appointed guide when it came to the pack. 

At the moment, we trotted around the perimeter of the pack boarders. It was one part patrol duty, one part tour guiding, and one part scent re-marking. It might’ve been gross to normal humans, but that was just life when you were a wolf!

 _Spit it out,_ Rose said.

 _What?_ I asked, surprised.

 _Either say what you were going to say, or don't. You keep sending me half-formed half-retracted thought questions. Cut it out. You know I’m not good at this mindlink stuff. It’s as confusing as trying to tell what a gerbil is thinking from its body language._ I looked back at her. Naturally, she was already a higher ranking than me -I could tell from the moment I met her that I’d be on the losing end of any fight- but she had no idea where she was going, so she was actually at _my_ right flank. That would end as soon as she learned her way around. I was savoring the moment.

 _Sorry. I was wondering…_ I slowed down a bit so that we were next to each other. Like normal wolves, we usually preferred to walk and run in each other’s footsteps unless we were hunting, so that other animals wouldn’t know how many of us there were, but I couldn’t ask this question while I was walking ahead of her. _I know you said ya’ left the “Dark Light” pack because you were the Omega and you got beat up a lot, but… what happened to you to make you leave? And why’re you even an Omega? You’re obviously not a natural-born; I can tell that from here._

 _I chose to become Omega,_ she grunted. Well, she didn’t exactly grunt it, but I got the point.

 _Why?_ I exclaimed as we trotted along the worn trail, _I’ve seen Betas you’d put a run for their money!_

 _It’s complicated,_ she said; I still didn’t get the hint.

 _But- but you had the chance to... not be an Omega! Why didn’t you take it?!_ That was probably what’d done it. Rose stopped on the path. I stopped a second after and turned around.

 _Do you think I wanted this?_ Her wolf snarled, and the words in my head did too.

_Well, not-_

_Do you think that, if given any sort of a chance, I would still actually be Omega at my pack?_

_Nah, man, I just meant-_

_For your information and speculation, I was **forced** to choose Omega. I didn’t decide it. I didn’t even realize it until just recently. And the only reason I didn’t run away before now was because I was **terrified** of what my Alpha would do to me if I did. So I’m sorry that you’re still Omega, but I’m not, because **I** wasn’t too busy pining after my abuser to actually do something about it._

I understood where she was coming from; it was out of line of me to pry like that and then judge her for it. But her comment about pining after my abuser hit something I hadn’t even known was there.

 _She’s not... I’m not…_ Suddenly I was next to tears. _I don’t “pine” after Katrina!_

_Oh really? You mean, despite everything she’s done and is still doing to you, you’re still choosing to be around her because… you want her to yell at you? Because really, that’s the only other reason I could think of for you to actively choose to be around her like you do._

I clenched my teeth. _You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about us._

_I’m pretty sure everyone in the pack but you knows what’s going on. She’s using you. And she’ll never stop, because she enjoys the power she has over you._

_SHUT UP!_

_She’s hurting you. You don’t have to hurt yourself even more by clinging to her every moment of every day. I’m trying to help you, Thomas-_

  1. _Don’t. NEED. Your. HELP!_ I got to my paws; the tension in my shoulder muscles was surely visible due to my saddening lack of non-visceral fat, even in wolf form. It took me a few moments, but after I’d calmed myself down enough to think, I spoke. _Rose,_ I said quietly, _I’ll take you back to the pack house, but after that, I need some “alone” time, okay?_



_Yeah, that’s fine,_ she said. How did she sound perfectly alright after all that?! I was an emotional wreck! I didn’t say anything else, but as we walked back -I followed a step behind her this time- my tail was in a pathetic downwards position. When _wasn’t_ anything I did pathetic?

If I wasn’t too busy feeling sorry for myself it might have seemed like an awkward walk home; instead, I was wrapped up in my own thoughts, and Rose, like she always was, was taking in and noticing every detail of her surroundings. Briefly, I wondered whether she did this because she wanted to know exactly what was happening, constantly, or if it was something she’d just been born doing. I decided I didn’t actually care right now.

Finally we got to the fenced-in backyard of the pack house. The overgrown grass of our lawn only partially shaded the wooden stilted porch that led into the house. She and I shifted behind the trees and got dressed there. Rose’d carried this backpack that stayed on her even as she shifted, so she dug her clothes out of that. I’d just carried mine in my mouth; they were a little slobbery.

Even before this, I’d always walked with my head a little down; but as we approached the house, it was all I could do from curling into a ball and sobbing in the grass. I could smell Katrina from here. I could hear the faint echos of her voice- her laughter, sounding lighthearted and playful in a way it didn’t whenever she talked to me.

“Where’s Thomas going?” Kat asked as I hurried up the stairs to my bedroom.

“He just needs his space for now,” Rose responded, vaguely.

I did. And that meant I couldn’t deal with my roommate and his shit. At the top of the stairs I went left, instead of right, and I found myself in the bathroom. I locked the door. Not knowing exactly what to do, I sat down to the floor next to the bathtub and leaned against ceramic tub.

What was it exactly that I so urgently needed to think about, anyway? Katrina had already marked me; she had already claimed as her own. I might not be able to make her change, but she couldn’t change me, could she? My jaw quivered. She’d already changed me. Rose was right; I hung on to Kat’s every word, hoping that _maybe_ she’d give me _something._ Some _slight_ indicator of feeling towards me. Me, not as ‘her boyfriend’ or ‘her mate’, but just me, as Thomas. She only gave away enough to make me continue following her around, like she did the day she marked me. I was realizing now that I’d never meant anything to her other than the easiest and most effortless way to get a boyfriend, the most viable genetic option, and the first boy with whom she’d felt a mate connection.

I’d never been the most stoic when it came to crying, so it really wasn’t a surprise when I felt the first tear run down my cheek. After the first tear, my tightly shut eyes began welling up even more and I grasped at my knees, clenching the cloth. I sobbed, remembering all the times Katrina had comforted me. I could count them all on two hands, but it’d still felt amazing every time it happened. I rested my forehead against the lined jean fabric of my pants.

Wrapped up in myself as I was, I didn’t notice the bathroom door opening. Sobbing as I was, I didn’t even smell Kat approaching. Locking the door when I came in had completely slipped my mind.

“Thomas…?” she asked.

I jumped to my feet and did my best to wipe my tears away, sniffing. “K-kat?”

Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. “How many times have I told you not to call me that?”

I sniffed again, trying my best to hold back more tears. “A couple…” I wrung my hands together and tried not to stare down at them too much.

Katrina pursed her lips. “Ug, whatever. Just… why are you even crying?”

My hand wringing intensified and I sniffed again. “Sometimes you just need a g-good cry, y’know?” I joked, nervously. Maybe… maybe she wouldn’t act like she always did. Maybe she would actually see me in pain and reach to comfort me. Maybe Rose was wrong, and Katrina really loved me, even though she’d never said so. Everyone had their own way of expressing love, right? Maybe she just wasn’t as… open about her feelings as other people were.

I could feel her picking up my fragile heart and tearing it in half as she rolled her eyes. “Go away, Thomas; I don’t have time for your drama. I need to use the bathroom.”

I nodded, trying to keep the quiver from my jaw and the tears from my eyes, as I turned to leave. Rose _had_ been right.

Standing with the the bathroom to my back, I breathed in slowly, closed my eyes, and steeled myself do deal with this. If I hadn’t before, now I knew it for certain. Katrina did not love me, or even care about me. She loved the _idea_ of me. All she cared about was showing me off to other people.

Well I was done with that. She’d always led me to believe that I wasn’t strong enough to survive without her, but somehow, I now knew that I was.

With this newfound courage and stability, I decided that the first thing I should do was apologize to Rose. All she’d been trying to do was help me, and I’d yelled at her. So that was what I did. The pack house was big, and everyone was partying for some reason. Oh wait, it was Rose’s introductory surprise party; the one that she’d helped to plan. I’d completely forgotten about the whole thing.

Finding Rose wasn’t as easy as I’d thought it would be. Suddenly, it seemed like the whole house smelled of her, and no one could remember where they’d seen her last. I decided to stop by Alpha Candy’s office to see if the Alpha was there, and to ask her if she knew where Rose was.

I could see through the curtain over the door that the lights were on, and since the Alpha never let anyone in her office while she wasn’t there, that meant she must have been in. The old wooden door opened soundlessly as I stepped into the room.

At least now I knew where Rose was. Alpha Candy was holding her against the mahogany desk in the center of the room. Candy was also kissing her.


	34. Vrees's POV

I gasped, resurfacing into my past-consciousness. On some levels, it felt exactly like it had on that day. I could sense every emotion I'd had then and I could feel every bead of sweat dripping from my body. On most levels though, I knew exactly where I was and exactly what was happening.

 _Put me back, you scoundrel,_ I growled at Wolf. _Put me back in my body this instant!_

 _You are in your body,_ he replied. _Shut up. Pay attention._

_The pack is going to be freaking out! I yelled from my office and all the sudden am in a comatose state? That's weird! They're going to be raising cain like you've never seen before._

_In this dream time, you'll be back in a second. You may then explain why you yelled._

I sighed, but it was obvious he wouldn't leave me alone until I'd met his demands. _Fine,_ I grumbled. _Let's get this over with._

I could sense Wolf's smug satisfaction radiating through me, but then I was distracted from that. Because now, I was seeing my ten year old self's thoughts, and I was feeling the world as he had.

* * *

Vrees's POV ~ Eight Years Ago

Back then, I hadn't really understood why Rose had forfeited the match. From what I'd seen in training, she was one of the few people who would stand a worryingly good chance at beating me. I'd seriously been stressing there for a few minutes, and when she'd looked into my eyes, ready to face me head on, I'd been just about ready to hear Dad's voice ringing out in front of everyone to say he was disowning me like the two older brothers who failed their respective Trials before me.

 _Wow, I've almost forgotten how much I stressed about that fight_ , I said, partially to Wolf, and partially just to myself. _Though I don't know why... it wasn't the only part of the Trials_. Past me continued with the melodramatic guilt-trip.

Because that's what would've happened if I'd been beaten by a girl. Not that I was in any way sexist. It was just that Dad was.

Instead of mine, her head was now hung in defeat. It had always been my first nature to be a somewhat selfish person, so my first thoughts were, ' _Yes! Ha! I don't have to fight her!'_ But then, that learned sense of empathy all humans have kicked in, and I couldn't help but also feeling sad. Life would never be the same for her as an Omega. My second thoughts were more along the lines of, ' _Poor girl. I wish there was something I could do.'_

All this was not to mention that, even with everything that rode on our fight, I just wanted to know who would've won between us.

Then all the light left.

 _What was that?_ I exclaimed. The light didn't go out in my original memory.

 _We're done there. I have something else to show you,_ Wolf said.

_But nothing happened there. I mean, nothing that I don't already remember._

_You'd forgotten respect for Rose. I reminded you of when you had it._

_I still respect her!_

_Maybe,_ he said, but it didn't feel like he believed it.

I had to wonder, though, what did he mean by respect? Normally, in the few times he did talk to me about something, he referred to people's fighting abilities. Maybe he just meant 'respect' as my opinions on her ability to fight. If she'd been gifted with the Alpha Abilities instead of me, there'd be no doubt that she would've been a better fighter than him. Now that I thought about it, I still didn't know who would've won between the two of us on that day eight years ago....

 _Now you understand,_ he said, seemingly relieved, _then to the next memory._

This time, instead of a warm watery sluggish feeling, when he plunged me into my memories, it felt like I was breaking ice. It took longer to come to coherence as well, and I felt disoriented for longer.

 _What was that?_ I demanded of him.

_You didn't want this memory. So you killed it. I had to find it and tear it from your forgetting. So you felt it harder._

_What does that mean "I killed it"? That doesn't even make sense. You can't just kill your memories!_

_Be quiet. Not important. But you will understand that later._

_Fine,_ I muttered, _just get this show on the road already._

Her parents... were dead. I couldn't actually believe it. Not because it was that surprising, but because I now had an excuse to talk to her. As I may have mentioned before, I had a tendency to be a tad bit selfish.

_Jeez, I didn't waste time, did I?_

_This was a few weeks after. You let her mourn a little, at least._

Immediately after her parents had both died, she'd gone back to school and had thrown herself into both schoolwork and training. Everyone let her, because at least it was better than forcing her to sit around and mope, but I still didn't really think she should be doing work at a time like this. Right now, she was leaving the kitchen after eating a small sandwich. She was going back to her room, in which she'd been working for the past three hours, to continue studying. At this point, she'd obviously finished all her schoolwork, so I honestly didn't know what she was still studying, but it was her own time, so I didn't want to pry.

What I did want to do was talk to her. For the three weeks since what happened to her parents, she'd been very quiet. Not "I'm sad and lonely" quiet, more like "if you upset me I will tear your head off" quiet. She'd always been a very expressive person, so I was concerned as to how she was handling it all.

"Rose, I know you don't feel like talking," I said, approaching her, "but if you ever need to talk to someone about it... well, what I'm trying to say is-" I laid my hand on her shoulder in a way I meant to be comforting, but felt very awkward from where I was standing, "I mean, I don't know what it's like to lose both your parents, but I know what it's like to lose one..."

"Vrees, get your hand off of me," she said in a low growl.

"Oh, uh, sorry, Rose," I said, taking a step back and removing my hand. "I didn't mean to-"

Before I could get another word out, she turned around and socked me in the eye. Due to the hastened healing process, I had a nasty black eye that blossomed within thirteen minutes and was completely gone within five hours.

"Don't you _ever_ talk about my parents again!" she screamed at me. I was at least a little stunned, so I just blinked. As my hot blood rushed to heal the bursted veins, I pressed my palm to my eye. She dropped her hands to her sides and glared at me.

"What was that?!" I finally exclaimed after a moment. I gaped at her.

"You probably think I'm a wuss because I forfeited our match back before you became the tempAlpha, but I could beat you in a fight any day." She was clearly losing it. By 'it', I mean her temper, not her mind, (though it may have been that too) because she looked right about ready to enter half-state. This was when a shifter only shifts to a point that gives them faster reflexes, extra strength, and harder/longer claws and canines, and was the closest thing we shifters got to being werewolves.

"I... of course I don't think you're a wuss! But... why did you forfeit anyway?" I wanted to calm her down, but at the same time, I was insanely curious. Despite how well it worked out for me, I never really understood.

She stood taller and her big obsidian eyes raged. Back then, Rose was only an inch shorter than me.

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Vrees," she said, and gave me the death glare. She turned around and started to walk away. "And don't try to talk to me about my parents either. I don't need advice with the wimp who's mother couldn't even protect herself from a _human_." Rose paused before tacking on another comment, "You know, I'm glad your whore of a mother is dead. We can't have people like her creating any more weak little replicas of herself than she already has."

 _Jesus!_ I cried, _That was completely uncalled for! What did I do to her right then aside from comfort her!_

The last thing I really remembered with clarity from that moment was the ugly sneer on her face. Well, that and the look of surprised anger that followed as I jumped her and started beating that superior face of hers to the ground.

_Oh no..._

After that was mostly a nebulous crimson haze. I was still trying to hit her even as someone pulled me away. Her face was all bloodied up; I hadn't known not to aim for the face back then. Despite putting up a good fight and socking me in my other eye and possibly breaking my nose, she was unconscious. Aiming for the face is the best way to accidentally kill someone... or blind them... or give them a severe vomit-inducing concussion. It was good I'd only knocked her unconscious. Though in my stupidity and rage, I'd kept hitting her after she went down.

I found that someone, an adult, had pulled me away from her and was now holding me tight against them. I didn't know who it was, but as I burst out crying onto their shoulder, they held me tighter, so obviously it wasn't my father.

Then Wolf thrust me into darkness once again.

 _Why... why don't I remember any of that, Wolf?_ I asked him, slightly stunned.

_You killed the memory. You didn't want to remember the first time she made you ashamed of yourself. And you wanted to be angry at yourself. So you didn't want to remember that the first time wasn't all your fault._

_Why did you show me this?! What was the point of me seeing that?_ I demanded.

If you could mentally shrug, he somehow did it. _I thought you needed to remember that._

 _Sometimes it seems like even you don't understand yourself,_ I grumbled.

I've always known that you've never understood yourself.

_Fine. Neither of us understand ourselves. You are a part of my subconscious, so I don't know why I'm even surprised._

_I have one more to show you,_ he told me.

I sighed, _Why do I get the feeling that it's going to be as bad, or worse, than the last one._

_All depends on your definition of 'worse'._

"She wanted it," Rose whispered over to me from her seat in class, not for the first time that day. Actually, every class we'd had together today had been comprised of a taunting session. "Your mom was a whore. He only decided to kill her when he found out she was a bitch too."

"At least my dad isn't a bitch too," I hissed back at her. "Oh wait, I used the present tense. I should've said 'wasn't', because yours is dead."

The only WolfShifter in this class was Fernando. When he heard what we were furiously whispering to each other, he turned and stared at us with a shocked look on his face.

"Well he sure raised one," Rose replied, "maybe after a certain number of beatings from your dad, kids like you automatically become whiny little bitches."

"You know that only happened once," I growled.

"I know you only admitted to it once," she sneered.

_Jeez, we were so loud! Didn't either of us realize that even the humans around us could hear at that point?_

"Admitted to what, exactly?" Miz Lorell asked the two of us. We both turned to her with the same expressions, only to find the whole class staring at us.

"Nothing," we both said at exactly the same time.

_Jinx._

"Do you two need to take a trip to the principle's office?" Miz Lorell asked us.

We both shook our heads 'no'.

"Well then pay attention and stop talking in class."

I leaned back and glared at my desk. Rose took out a pencil and started doodling disturbingly violent pictures on her notes paper.

"At least I still have siblings," I muttered to her, as a sort of final shot.

 _Whyyyyy?!_ I demanded of my past self, _why would you start it again?! You know she's going to respond!_

 _You wanted a fight,_ Wolf said. _You weren't done being angry._

"Oh, right, the siblings who weren't strong enough or smart enough to become Alpha?" she whispered, "The siblings who were beaten in the trials one after one until you came along and bested them all? Those kind of siblings are just as good as no siblings at all."

I gritted my teeth. When had she become so mean? We'd always had a sort of rivalry going together, but after I became tempAlpha and her parents died, she'd become vicious.

"Well I'm not sure I'd say a dead baby is any better. Knowing your mom, she probably crushed its skull anyway, instead of whatever she told everyone right before she died."

"My mom did NOT kill Abby. She had heart problems from birth," she hissed. A little too loudly, it seemed.

"Alright, that's enough. Were either of you paying attention at all?"

We both nodded.

"In that case, can either of you tell me who Lewis and Clark brought with them to help navigate and translate?" she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Uhh..." Rose said. I just shook my head 'no' again.

She huffed. "That's it. You're both taking a trip to the principal's office."

“Fine,” Rose grumbled. I glared at her. She crossed her arms.

I could still hear the teacher almost until we got to the office. It made the silence little less awkward.

“This is all your fault, you know,” she said right in front of the principal’s office.

“How is this my fault?” I snarled back.

“We wouldn’t even be fighting if not for you.”

“Why, because I had a problem with you insulting my dead mother?”

“You didn’t have to hit me because of it,” she said, as I opened the door.

“Well you didn’t have to insult my dead mother, you vixen,” I growled.

"Vixen? That doesn't even make sense!" she said, throwing her hands up in the air.

The principal, Mr. Carlos S. Gutierrez, motioned for both of us to sit down in two of the three chairs that were placed before his desk. Rose walked to him and handed him the yellow notepad paper Ms. Lorell had entrusted her with. Then she went back and sat down primly while he read the note from our history teacher.

"Whatever. You're stupid," I hissed under my breath.

"Faggot," she spat.

"Nigger," I spat back at her.

"Oh no," she mock gasped, "my mom was black, what are we going to do?!"

The principal spoke, "That is ENOUGH out of you two! What is wrong with the both of you?! You're leaving me no choice but to call your parents about this atrociously vulgar language! Not to mention that you disrupted your whole class."

"Her parents are both dead," I told him, smirking.

"His mom's dead too, and his dad's not going to care," she shot back.

“Well at least that explains a few things,” Mr. Gutierrez grumbled. While he shuffled his papers, we both sat silently and glared at each other. “Regardless,” he said, “I’m calling Mr. Creed and your foster parents about the both of your obscene behavior today.” 

“Good luck talking to them,” she said in a tone that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but smug. “I’m getting new ones in a few weeks.”

“I hate you,” I told her with a glower in my eyes.

“I hate you more,” she replied, her head held high.


	35. Rose's POV

There was something about Candy that just threw me off. There had to be. Otherwise, how would I not have noticed that she liked me? I usually held myself to a pretty high standard when it came to reading people.

I had been nothing more than curious as she led me into her office with promises that she would 'show me something'. Gosh, even that thinly veiled lie was ridiculous.

"What did you want to show me?" I'd asked her. Her hand was on my back as she led me to her office

"This," she'd said. She'd closed the door, and then she was kissing my lips before I even had time to think.

Not that it wasn't good. After my initial surprise, I kissed her back.

Her lips tasted like pumpkin spice and the color blue. She held me down and I reached up for her softly frizzy magenta hair. I'd never kissed anyone before, so I tried to move as she did. Candy's blood red lipstick smudged all over my face as she trailed her lips up my cheek and back to my lips.

"Candy... wait..." I said through kisses. I all of the sudden wasn't quite sure how I felt about this. I'd gone with it at first because why not? I'd never kissed anyone before, let alone a girl, so why not try now? However, I was beginning to realize what exactly this kiss meant. I loved Candy as a person, but romantically, I already knew there was nothing there. It would be unforgivable of me to let her think there was.

"What's wrong?" she asked, shooting her head up to look at me with that intense stare of hers. Her vibrant green eyes flickered with hesitation before she gave me a somewhat disturbingly wide grin.

Before I could respond to Candy, she whipped her head around to look at Thomas. I couldn't really blame myself for not sensing him, but it was another sign of proof that Candy distracted me from everything.

"What are you doing here?" she snarled at him. I jumped from the shock that it was one of the most rawly angry sounds I'd ever heard.

"I-I-I..." Thomas whimpered. He dug the nails from one hand onto the back of another. I realized that he had traces of salt streaks on his face. He'd probably been crying about Katrina, and was now looking for me.

"Speak," Candy said, still not moving, or allowing me to move, from our awkward position.

"I-it was d-dumb an-n-nyway, I-I'll just leave..." he took a step back into the doorway.

"No you won't," Candy growled. She set me down on the table and went to Thomas. He stared at her anxiously for a moment; she stared back. Candy grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards her. "If you tell anyone what you just saw, I promise you that you will regret the day you were born," she hissed. Her vibrant green eyes bored into Thomas's faded blue ones, and the corner of her eye twitched with fury. The Omega trembled and nodded as if he couldn't breath. As Alpha Candy continued to glare at him the tears that had welled up before spilled over again.

"Hey," I said to Candy, irritated, "leave him alone. He's not doing anything wrong. You can obviously see he's terrified enough as it is." I imagined myself where he was, standing, as an Omega, in the office of the Alpha, with her throwing her accusatory expressions at me as if everything that had ever gone wrong in this room were my fault. Maybe she didn't realize the effect she was having on him, but it was a drastic overreaction.

"He needs to understand that I'm serious with my threats," she said.

"I understand!" Thomas said, with a scared almost squeaky break to his voice, "I swear, I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't've told anyone anyway! I just... wanted to talk to Rose is all. I-I'll just go-"

"Now you will." Candy said. Her rumbling yet still song-like high voice was quiet in an angry way that reminded me far too much of my old bad temper. Instead of simply releasing Thomas, she twisted his shirt up a slight bit more before dashing him to the hardwood floor.

As if this were not an unexpected series of events, the Omega scampered backwards on his hands, and then turned to run as quickly as he could. What angered me most about the way she dealt with this situation was that Candy had taken out her anger on him with such immediacy that she didn't stop to consider the way her wrath would affected him. She hadn't done this for his benefit, nor mine. She had done this because she felt like it. She had nearly hurt him because she felt like it.

"You didn't have to do that," I said. I could feel my fingers begin to twitch in anger. Not the anger of being wronged, but the anger of one who understands, watching it happen and only standing by. "He would've left on his own if you had given him the time. No, not even that! He was already trying to leave. And you know just as well as I that he wouldn't have told a soul if you'd just asked him. I know you like to be the tough one, but what in ANY way did you gain from terrorizing him?"

I could see Candy's eyebrows pinching into a knot as I hurled the accusation at her. Maybe she'd had me pegged for the type to person who wouldn't object much to that sort of thing, or maybe she'd just been trying to show off.

I’d never liked people showing off. There were some in my old pack who’d loved nothing more than a glorious opportunity to flaunt their power in front of the rest. Vrees had never been like that. He’d always had more of a self-satisfaction when he did something big. Usually no one saw unless they needed to or just happened to be there. Sometimes, though, I was there as he went through all the new fighting moves he’d invented or when he revealed he’d gotten good grades on a hard report. He’d never explained to me why I was needed as an accessory for good moments, but no one else ever did it either. When something good happened to Vrees, I was usually there. Though, when something bad happened, I was usually there too.

“Sometimes you just have to remind them of their places. Especially that one,” she remarked. “Surely you know that.” Candy’s sharply coloured frizzy hair swished around her head as she said this and folded her arms.

I laughed, alreading knowing from brief observation that it was the one thing that might faze her right now. “You Alphas are all so busy shouting at lower ranks that you don’t bother to understand how your packs really work!” A laugh and a glare, now. “Thomas knew his place alright. It is you who does not know yours. Yes. You.”

Candy made as if to speak yet I continued. “While it is an Omega’s job to obey, serve, amuse, train even harder, and hold together the community sense of the pack, it is an Alpha’s job not to abuse any member of the pack for any reason but disloyalty and lack of respect. It is your job, Candy, to show even your Omega the sort of respect you want to foster! You are creating a terrible environment. You are a disgrace to the idea of Alphas!”

I finished my furious rant that might not actually have been about the person before me. My index finger finished with a wave towards her and I turned away.

“I… Rose, I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know how you know so much about being an Alpha, but you’re right. That was a dumbass thing to do.”

“I know, Candy,” I responded. “But… I also want you to know that I can’t be with someone like you. You’re still figuring out what you’re supposed to do, which is fine, but I’m done with people who don’t know what they want or need to do.”

I turned back to Alpha Candy, who was looking surprisingly meek, and I put a hand on her shoulder. Somehow, just through telling her to learn respect for her Omega, it seemed as if I’d taught her a respect for me. A respect I wasn’t quite sure what to do with.

“Will you stay with our pack?” she asked with a quiet sigh in her voice.

“I don’t know,” I said. And I didn’t. “I’m still trying to find my place in the world. Maybe it’ll be here. Maybe not.” My hand released Alpha Candy’s shoulder. I looked down at her too-bright vividly green eyes, and I hugged her. “I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s alright,” she said. Her grandfather clock ticked loudly enough for the both of us to hear. I heard someone whoop outside of her office.

“What d’you say we head back out to the party?” I asked. “It is my big day here, afterall.”

She smiled, “Okay.”


	36. Vrees’s POV

I could feel Wolf letting go of my mind as if it were a physical action. The dewclaws he had snagged into my consciousness slid back. Finally, I could actually think for a moment. I let out a soft sigh. A moment passed. It was as if time had been slogging along at a much slower rate and was only now speeding back up to normal. I became aware of my throbbing headache, which seemed infinitely worse now than it had been before.

“What was that?” Haldo demanded, barreling through my office doors and letting them crack against the walls on either side.

I glared up at him through my migraine, “Haldo, I would appreciate if you wouldn’t break my doors.” Reinforced didn’t mean invincible. I hung my head back down, massaging my temples.

My Beta blinked at, I assumed, the sharpness of my words. “Vrees… what happened?”

Moments passed without my response; I was trying my absolute best to focus on the meaning of his words, -I’d heard them alright- but even with my intense level of concentration, it was hard to decipher their meaning.

It felt like a fog being blown from the edges of my vision when I finally began to make sense of what Haldo had said.

“Oh…” I paused. I had been about to say ‘nothing,’ but that wouldn’t’ve helped anyone. “Wolf was being a bitch. A huge raging wanker of a bitch.” I felt Wolf’s irritation as I actively didn’t get to the point, and instead insulted him. At least now we were roughly on the same page. “But he had a point. Long story short, I was refusing to listen to him and he pretty much told me to shove off and took over my mind.”

Slowly, as to not irritate the migraine that had been caused by such a tremendous mental struggle between two conflicting parts of one’s own mind, I tilted my chin up and sat back in my spinny office chair. Finally, I met Haldo’s gaze. His mouth and expressions were wide with shock. Conflicts between wolves and their humans were rare.

“I don’t know why he chose to make his great speech to me now,” I said, softly laughing the way overworked mothers did when they were told their kid would need a new special textbook for classes that would cost another hundred dollars. “She’s gone now. There’s nothing I could do to make her _not_ gone. Hell if I even know where she is.

Haldo’s expression shifted into one of sympathy. He took a deep sad sounding breath and opened his mouth to speak— 

when—

the phone rang.

I stared at it, an old-style speaker-receiver home phone on my desk with the handle and all. It was strictly for usage of inter-pack connections, and I couldn’t remember the last time it had rung. I couldn’t remember if it ever had. I had definitely called people from it, so I knew that it worked. But most packs preferred to deal with Alpha Creed, seeing as he ran the official pack. The dusty green phone rang and I stared at it for a moment more, before some integral part of me stood up and answered it.

“Hello…?” I said into the receiver. “This is Alpha Vrees Liefde of the Dark Light pack. Who am I speaking with?”

“Oh, it _is_ you!” the voice spoke. It was in the upper registers of voice, so I took that this was probably a girl. “I am Alpha Candy Delamando. I’m the Alpha-in-training for the Bolumway pack.”

I paused, “The what pack?”

The girl sighed, sounding as if she’d answered this before. “We’re a pack that is actually only two pack territories apart from yours. I’m not surprised that you don’t know who we are. We’re different sub-species, after all, but I’d at least hoped that as an Alpha, you’d know your local territories, jeez.”

I paused again, “Uhh… noted. I’ll try and pay more attention to the names of surrounding packs.”

She harrumphed. “Better. But anyway, I’m not just calling you to inform you that we exist. I’m actually calling because we need you to send over a courier you can trust with some filled-out pack resignation papers. We have a girl here, her name is Rose Killian, and she’s looking to resign from her former pack, which as I understand—”

“You have Rose?” I interrupted her. “Is she alright? How is she? Has she by any chance eaten oatmeal recently?”

She obviously did not enjoy being interrupted and her voice was deadpan, “Yes. We have Rose. She is fine, thank you for asking. I have no idea because I don’t particularly care to keep a food journal on her eating habits.” She sighed, “Are you done? There is still the matter of sending someone trusted to hand her the paperwork, make sure she fills it out correctly, and deliver it back to you safely. Rose prefers to stay here and so will not be travelling to your pack.”

“Oh,” I said. I, somehow, stupidly, insanely, had forgotten, just for that one moment, that Rose was gone. Just because I now knew where she was didn’t make her any less gone. “I’ll… I’ll come myself, if that is alright. Along with my Beta, Haldo.”

“That’s fine,” she said. I couldn’t tell what she meant to say by that.

“Alright,” I said.

“Bye,” she said.

“Bye,” I said. She clicked off the phone.

I looked over at Haldo only to see him staring at me.

“Was that really…” Haldo asked.

“No. It was her new Alpha,” I said.

“Do you want to t-”

“Please, Haldo.” I waved my hands at him dismissively. I needed to think. “We’re going to take a trip the day after tomorrow. That’s Saturday, right?” Haldo nodded. “Do whatever you need to before we leave.” 

Silently, or at least more so than usual, Haldo left the room. I massaged my temples again.


	37. Rose’s POV

It was interesting to have an emotional argument with someone, forget about it during a party, and then go to your room only to remember that that same person was now your roommate.

“Hey, Rose,” Candy said as I walked it. I surveyed the room. Candy was lying on her bed, which was only slightly larger than twin-sized, with her legs crossed. The room was cluttered, but not dirty. Though there was not a speck of clear space (on the floor, walls, or otherwise) it felt not so much like a cluttered room, but a carefully arranged nest. A lava lamp cast a deep pinkish hue across the room, and where it didn’t a string of red and blue holiday lights provided the rest of the light. Candy had been kind enough to make my bed for me, pillow coverings and all, and laid out on the bed (which seemed like the only flattened and cared for thing in the room) was a carefully folded set of green and grey plaid pajamas. They seemed to be the only non-pastel items in the room as well.

“Hi, Candy,” I replied. She relaxed against the pastel reading pillow that sat against the frame of her bed.

"I set out some stuff for you and made your bed," she said, picking her book back up. It was on Napoleon's war tactics, I thought.

"I see," I said. The lava lamp gloshed light around the room. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I now was placed in the unfortunate position of having to make a decision. Did I go to sleep, or did I ask for some of the more necessary items?

"Candy?" I asked.

"Mmhmm?" she replied.

"Do you have a spare toothbrush?"

"No..."

"That's unfortunate."

"Yeah...."

I stared at her for a moment. She was entirely engrossed in her reading. I crossed her nest-like room to get to her bed and put my hand over her book. She looked up.

"Did you hear a word that I said?" I asked. My hand only covered the top part of the page. On the bottom part, there was a picture of a guillotine.

She looked to the right as if trying to recall a difficult memory. "Uhm, not really."

I sniffed out a breathy chuckle. "Right, okay." I let go of her Napoleon book. "Is it possible to get me some toiletries and things tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she said, looking me in the eye. "Actually, I already planned the trip. I have to go to school first, of course. Tomorrow's Friday. But once I get back, we're going to the mall."

I smiled. I'd only been to the mall twice before, though I'd seen it on TV often enough that it held no sense of glamour for me.

"Alright, then." I said. "Quick question, do you mind if I change out here, or would you prefer if I went to the bathroom?"

"Do whatcha fuckin need to do, Rose." Candy's head had already dipped back down to her book.

Right, so, stop disturbing Candy.

I gave the room another general look around, promising myself that I would do a more thorough one later, and changed out of my clothes. I put the dirty ones in Candy's hamper, seeing as I didn't have my own, and went in the bathroom to take a shower. Her shower was just as nice as the rest of her things, though the whole bathroom area generally had a lot of hair dye soaked into the white ceramics. I had no problems with a purpley-red shower.


	38. Thomas’s POV

Thomas’s POV 

Rose’s packmates were getting here today, and I was terrified. I thought it safe to say she would go back to her old pack, now that she’d proven she wasn’t just an Omega. Whether or not this was my anxiety forcing me to overthink, it made clear sense. Rose had run away because they treated her poorly. She then found a pack who didn’t treat her poorly, and she’d assumed the position of Omicrona. Why not go back to the people she grew up with and knew, now with a higher ranking? Especially as her and Candy didn’t end up dating after the kiss.

Though Omicrona simply meant “average pack member.” And honestly, if she stayed here, it was no great stretch to see her assuming a position of power. I could almost imagine her being an Alpha in a different life, though she had enough un-Alpha-like characteristics that it wouldn’t come naturally to her. However, under no circumstance could I see her staying a simple Omicrona. She was too… devious to be. If she’d been in Harry Potter, I would’ve placed her in Slytherin.

I wasn’t sure if she had enough mastery of pack mind-links to be a Psiona, but she was definitely strong in other ways. If she was alright with violence, (which she seemed to be) she could become a Theta, the pack enforcer, bouncer, and/or warrior. Thetas were the highest ranking fighters and were subject to change of position through challenge, though not easily. Like Psiona, I wasn’t sure enough of Rose’s healing abilities to mentally place her as the pack Tauna. 

I found myself forgetting the positions. Which was mostly embarrassing simply because it was taught to be just as important to Bolumway shifter children as basic local geography, the names of the 50 states, or learning how to multiply. The old song we sang to remember them flashed through my head.

_Alphas are the ones who lead_

_Betas help them to take heed_

_Thetas keep us all most safe_

_Taunas heal our broken legs_

_Chionas judge good from bad_

_Psionas keep links in tact_

_Omicronas: we’re the rest_

_Omegas: they’re not the best_

Yeah, I never particularly enjoyed that little jab at Omegas at the end. The smart wolves understood that Omegas were very important to the structure of the pack, and the way it functioned, especially in larger ones. But hey. What can you do? Stop all anti-Omega propaganda from being produced? That would take a life-time of advocacy from someone whose word held far more weight than an Omega’s did.

 _Thomas, what are you doing?_ Katrina yelled over the link. I flinched at the sudden mental intrusion. I almost fell off of my bed. Katrina’s mental intrusions weren’t infrequent. She liked to think of herself as my keeper, and I her charge, so she kept tabs on me pretty much all the time.

 _Umm… thinking…?_ I replied back. My hands pressed themselves together anxiously. I couldn’t tell what I’d done this time, but her sudden anger confronted me as if I’d just now upset her with my mere presence. 

_You need to be downstairs, waiting for our guests to arrive. Everyone else has important things to be doing! And what are you doing? Lazing around thinking about dumb Omega shit? Get the fuck up and stop being such a bubblehead._

_Sorry!_ I yelped, jumping from my bed. I didn’t fall off, if that were an accomplishment. I did, however, trip on my discarded shoes and fall, slamming my elbows into the floor. I hadn’t expected her to just pry into my thoughts like that, and it’d thrown me off. Generally, it was really bad manners to inspect a mentally unguarded pack wolf’s thoughts out of the blue. Then again, it was generally bad manners to mark someone for the sake of manipulation as well.

 _You little shit,_ she sighed, _I could hear that from down here._ Her mind was completely closed to me, so I had no idea even how much this irritated her.

I briefly changed my clothes so that nothing smelled bad or had holes in them. That was the limit to the amount of effort I was going to give about first impressions. Scrambling downstairs, someone shoved a glass tray of appetizers (fruits, vegetables, raw meat, and cheese) into my hands and told me to put them in the living room, which the front door directly opened into. I walked through our wide hallway, passing Candy’s office, and placed them on the coffee table in front of the couch. Then, I sat down on the couch and waited. The fact that Kat had told me to wait there meant they were probably expected within the next half an hour, so all I had to do was sit and ponder.

To be one hundred percent honest to myself, I liked being an Omega. Okay, well, obviously I didn’t enjoy the verbal -and often physical- abuse, but everything else about it wasn’t so bad. Most of it came somewhat naturally to me.

I never had enjoyed looking people in the eye. It was pretty much a prerequisite to Omegas that they be the only ones to avert their gaze in every situation, but I liked that. It allowed me to hide my face, in a way. I didn’t have to stare defiantly like the Alphas always did. It was just more comfortable. Oh, and the height helped. I was far shorter than you average male shifter, so it wasn’t hard to look down. I didn’t mind serving people either. As long as they weren’t being huge douchebags, I liked to consider myself downright helpfully friendly. Sure I could get that for you. Sure I could assist you in whatever way possible.

Oh, and that was another thing! As an Omega, people always underestimated your abilities. Sure, if you abilities were as great as Rose’s, that sort of underestimation sucked, but if you were like me and you actually couldn’t do most of the things other wolves could, then it was great. I couldn’t run as fast as other wolves, or punch as hard as other wolves, but I didn’t have to explain over and over again that I did truly try as hard as everyone else. I simply had to explain that I was an Omega. They would understand, just because of how the system worked, that I could try four times as hard for the same results as, say, a Theta.

There is a basic understanding in packs that Omegas simply aren’t built the same way as everyone else, and that is why they are Omegas. And, honestly, it was nice to be helped simply because of that base-level understanding that I wasn’t as able. And it was nice to be able to help them back in whatever ways I could. That exchange was really the purpose of Omegas anyway, to give shifters different options on the ways they could assist the pack if they simply weren’t cut from the same type of material as your average Alpha.

The sound of un-shoed feet striking cement pavement shoved me out of my thoughts. I sent a quick, jolting message through the link to tell everyone in the pack that Rose’s pack members had arrived. They knocked once at the door before I managed to open it.

In front of me stood two very very tall, very very handsome, and very very intimidating men. One of them had black hair and wolf-like dark orange eyes. He stood in the front, so I assumed he was the Alpha. He had been the one to knock. He wasn’t skinny, but he wasn’t too big either, though for his height he may have been on the slender side. His skin was white and only slightly less pale than powder, with a slight tan to his edges.

The other one was the most striking person I had ever seen. From his positioning, I assumed that he was a Beta, though I could’ve been wrong. He looked vaguely hispanic, but his blonde hair threw me off completely. He had a square jaw, and even though he was only an inch or two shorter than the Alpha, he was much broader. His shoulders were square, and he definitely looked like the sort who could bench-press 200lbs and still go on a five mile run. Even though he wasn’t standing with his jaw tilted upwards like the confident Alpha, he was intimidating in a different way. 

I smiled and let them in like a good Omega. I smiled and offered them a seat on the couch. I tried to be as polite as I possibly could as Candy and Katrina rushed in and exchanged pleasantries with the two tall, handsome, and intimidating men. Alpha to Alpha. Beta to Beta. My head swam.

Katrina gave me a short almost imperceptible wave to let me know I was dismissed, and I hurried out of the room. Somehow, passing the blonde hispanic one, I temporarily lost the ability to breathe. He looked at me as I passed, he actually looked AT ME, and his eyes darted to look again. His eyes, dark as chocolate but lighter than a country night, narrowed and sharpened at me. They held something in them, curiosity or alarm, I couldn’t tell. My own eyes went directly to the ground and I hurried off into the kitchen. 

Rose was there, and I was hit with another pang of sadness just as I finally let my breath out. Oh jeez, she was going to leave. I’d almost forgotten. Her large-for-her-size hands gripped at the granite counter top, and she leaned back into it, staring intently at the over-sized fridge. As I entered the room wringing my hands, her eyes lit up and she grabbed my shoulders, shaking me. 

“They’re here, right?” she demanded, “are they here?” 

The shaking didn’t help jog my memory. “Y-yeah. They’re here. The two guys.”

“Which two guys?” this was practically shouted, while somehow still whispered.

“The… the tall ones, with the hair… One of them had black hair and orange eyes, he’s the Alpha, right? The other, with the blonde hair who’s tan?”

Rose let out a big, slow exhale, releasing me as she did. “Vrees and Haldo.”

“Vrees… and Haldo…” I repeated. I said their names a few more times to get a taste of them. I’d never heard either of those names before now. “Vrees…” I said, “Is that the tall one? The Alpha?”

Rose nodded slowly, as if she still couldn’t quite believe this wasn’t imaginary. “That would be Alpha Liefde to you…”

“And Haldo…” The word felt nice on my tongue. “Is he a Beta?”

She nodded again, this time with more certainty. She was visibly preparing herself for the moments following, breathing in and out slowly and repeatedly.

“No offense, Rose… but why did your Alpha and Beta come personally?”

At first, I didn’t think she was going to respond, which was fair in the face of this prying question. But then she did.

“Because Vrees was my mate, and Haldo is here to make sure he doesn’t lose his shit and ruin everything.”

Bomb dropped. Rose is definitely not going to stay. Especially looking as shaken by the mere idea of him as she is. Selfish to think this, I know, but I’m soon going to be alone again, stuck in this house with CandyKat, the duo from hell. Or at least for me.

“Was he the real reason you left?” I asked her.

“Now that’s a question I’m not going to answer.”

I nodded. Rose moved to lean on the fridge door and I jumped up on the countertop, dangling my legs off the edge.

“Do you love him?” I said, before I could stop myself.

Rose looked at me, dead-on, no joking. “Thomas… I have a piece of advice for you.”

“Yeah…?” I knew it was a stupid question before I asked. Why did I?

“Learn how, and when, to shut up.”

I gritted my teeth and looked down, hunching my shoulders up. I knew I deserved that entirely. Rose sighed, and I looked up to see an almost amused half smile on her face as she chuckled and rolled her eyes at me. I smiled back, biting my lip, and being happy that at least she wasn’t really mad at me.


	39. Thomas’s POV

Katrina nudged my mind into service. _Bring us some water,_ it implied. 

“Sorry, Kat wants water,” I said, hopping off the countertop and grabbing four glasses from the cabinet. In my haste, one of the glasses slipped from my hands. If not for Rose, who caught it like it was a small glass child, it would’ve shattered on the ground and everyone in the house would’ve heard, soundproof rooms or not. “Thanks,” I said with a blush.

“No problem,” she said, as if it actually wasn’t one. 

The tap filled up each glass, one at a time. Being unable to hold all four of them safely, I set them on a silver tray.

 _Coming,_ my thoughts implied to Katrina.

 _Finally,_ her mind growled back at me. I gritted my teeth. It was never a good idea to keep her waiting.

The fingers of my left hand pushed at the dark wood panelling of the somewhat soundproof kitchen door. I stepped into the hallway, a room’s length distance to the living room. For some reason, my left hand started shaking; I had to bring it to the water tray before it would stop.

I didn't say a word as I set out the water and the pack heads continued to talk. It would have been rude of me to actively listen to their discussion, and even more so if I were to interrupt. This, I was fine with. The idea of voicing my thoughts to any of these four overbearing figures sounded almost as uncomfortable as knowing things about the packs that could've gotten me killed.

I set out water for Candy, Kat, and the one named Vrees, but as I approached the beautiful one, Haldo, whose hair was honestly more of a yellow-orange than actually blonde, I suddenly lost the ability to breathe again. He stared at the others so intensely, as if he were studying, assessing, and categorizing everything they said and making sure to make note. 

I bit my lip as I placed the glass of water in front of him. Then I did my best to steady my breathing so that no part pf me shook with whatever frustrating emotion I was experiencing. He smelled good. Actually, he smelled really good. I’d never smelled a shifter like him before, whose scent seemed to envelope the room.

Rose’s Alpha sniffed the air and everyone froze. It was almost a learned instinct of shifters to pay attention when someone started sniffing. 

“Your cup,” he pointed to Alpha Candy, “It smells like Rose.” He turned to me, “Is she in the house right now?” 

I hadn’t expected him to address me, so I told the truth before I could think to hold it back. “Y-y-yeah, she’s in the kitchen.”

This, just as Katrina growled, _Say no, Thomas._

Alpha Liefde turned back to stare at my Alpha. He didn’t glare or roll his eyes. He just stared and blinked. In her defense, she didn’t cringe or pout or show any signs of weakness. But apparently he had just caught her in a lie. And apparently it was my fault. I could feel the tension in my shoulders as I imagined how she would punish me, especially with Rose gone. Why did Alphas always seem to have terrifying tempers?

Shocking me and probably surprising everyone at the coffee table, Haldo pulled his attention away from the full blown staring contest and turned his piercing eyes on me.

“What's your name?” he asked. The gravity of his gaze alone was enough to make me feel uncomfortable, but the immediate attention I received from the rest of the table was enough to rob me of the power of speech. Even Alpha Liefde and Candy looked at me. I choked up, opening my mouth but hearing no name come out.

“That's Thomas,” Kat waved as if to dismiss me again, but I couldn’t go anywhere with… Haldo... staring at me like that. “He's our Omega. He sometimes has trouble using his words. Thomas, go put this in the fridge.” Her hands motioned to the tray of appetizers, which was not eaten up, but had a significant dent eaten out of the fruits and meats portions.

I despised the way she’d said the word Omega, and she knew it was embarrassing when she ordered out loud for me to take away the dishes. But at least I had something to do. Haldo’s gaze never left my face. I nodded hurriedly to no one in particular and fumbled to grab the tray, dashing off to the kitchen.

Rose wanted to know what was happening, what they were talking about. I went straight to the refrigerator and slid the tray in, only barely remembering to wrap it up first.

“Uhh… what’s happening…”

“Yes! Have they gotten to me yet? Is Candy gonna call me in? How does Vrees look? Is he alright? Will there be an issue with me splitting from the pack? Are they even staying for dinner?” Her initial outburst was clearly out of frustration, but after about the third question, it became much more irate.

“I-I don’t know!” I said, really just wanting her to cease the interrogation, “I wasn’t paying attention!”

“Whaddya mean you weren’t paying attention?” Her arms shook in front of her like they were trying to strangle someone with a really really large neck. “What were you paying attention to, the floor?!”

I huffed. Normally, Rose was a lovely person but right now she could stand to take a chill pill. “Generally, yes,” I answered saltily, crossing my arms.

“Arg!” she said, running her hands through her hair. Its black strands stood up on end when she was stressed or anxious. Unlike most shifters, her hair was both long enough and natural enough that this was noticeable.

“Sorry Rose,” I said meekly.

She sighed, “No, yeah, it’s fine.”

“You should’ve told me to listen,” I mumbled, “I generally make it a habit not to pay attention to whatever important top secret information my superiors are discussing.”

She folded her arms across her proportionately large chest and pursed her lips. Just in the week she’d been here, I could already see her gaining some much-needed weight. She almost had a stomach, and her dark skinned face now had a more pink-ish glow to it. “Sorry,” she said, “being my pack’s Omega, I always spied in on the meetings I was privy to, just in case.”

I shrugged. “I don’t particularly mind prying, it just seems that part of the agreement you make with being an Omega is that you don’t listen in on the Alpha while they’re discussing pack secrets in front of you.”

“Really?” she raised an eyebrow. “I guess I never thought about it like that.

“That’s what my mentor tells me.”

Rose looked taken aback, “The Omegas in this pack mentor?” 

My first thought was that her pack didn’t mentor, but her use of “Omegas” specifically made me think that she did. “Yeah… the Dark Light pack has mentors, right?”

“Well obviously we have mentors, but not for Omicronas or Omegas. What would be the point in that?”

My jaw dropped, “The point? How are you supposed to survive as an Omega without a mentor? I get not having one for your everyday Omicrona, they have real human jobs; they’re not as individually vital to the pack and stuff… But why the fuck would you guys think it’s okay to let Omegas just figure it all out? Like any other pack rank, Omega is a JOB. J-O-B. You don’t just send someone to McDonalds and make them the cook without telling them what to do just because McDonalds cooks are “unimportant”!

Rose looked back at me like I was crazy. Like I was being nitpicky. Like Katrina did. I huffed and turned away from her, opening the fridge and getting out a banana from the very back. I liked my bananas cold, so I stuffed them in the back where (hopefully) no one would find them.

“I mean if you think it’s fine then you do you I guess,” I muttered.

She took another moment to find her words before responding.

“I think… it might just be that my pack has a pretty strict ‘you’re on your own, try not to fuck up’ policy. It doesn’t help that I was never a true Omega, but I only talked to the senior Omega maybe two times.” She shifted her weight and finally let her arms uncross, stuffing the hands into her pockets. “Vrees, he’s Alpha, well he’s actually not the first Alpha in his family. His dad is the senior Alpha.”

I nodded for her to continue, I’d heard that this was rare but not completely uncommon.

“Well, despite the fact that he’s his son, or possibly because of it, Vrees only sees his dad at official functions, gatherings, or if he seriously fucks up.”

“Wow, really?” I said. “I can’t imagine that. My parents demand that I see them at least every other weekend, and when I don’t I’m supposed to call them. And, like, they live six miles away so sometimes I jog to their house after school.” Rose smiled in the polite way you do when you’re humoring someone. I looked up at her through my eyelashes. “How often do you talk to your parents, Rose?”

“Every night,” she said, her voice as soft as a feather. Her head was bent down now, and her eyes were closed.

“Do they live close?” I asked hesitantly.

She looked up at me now, smiling that small smile again as if this were some sort of private joke. “They don’t live anywhere now.”

I didn’t understand, and opened my mouth to ask again. The question never came out, because she laughed, and said, “They’re dead, Thomas. They don’t live anywhere. Get it?” Now she grinned and chuckled, while I stood with my hands awkwardly jammed into my pockets, unsure whether it was appropriate for me to laugh or not.

She saw my awkward and her own smile dropped off her face. “Sorry, I-”

Katrina’s tone was short and clipped as she said, _This part of our meeting is over. Bring Rose in and go entertain Haldo._

I winced at the intrusion, mostly because of the sheer force used. While still consisting of an inside-voice volume, the request was, as usual for Katrina, far too mentally forceful. It didn’t feel like being hit upside the head with a frying pan, though she had done it that hard before, but it was still enough mental pressure to be entirely comfortable.

“Katrina wants us to come in!” I announced to Rose two seconds later.

“She does?” she yelped. “Oh jeez, what am I gonna do? What am I going to say? Auggggghhhh…..” Rose now held her head as if she was the one who’d just been mentally attacked by a thought. We massaged our temples in sync.

Then Rose stood up, her back had stiffened like it was now her life’s mission to have good posture. She breathed in slowly and pursed her lips. Her fists balled next to her pockets.

“Okay. Okay…” I could hear the internal pep-talk in her voice. “Come on, Thomas. Let’s go.”

I looked up at her and nodded with not nearly as much intent. I followed Rose down the short dark wood-paneled hallway. The door on the kitchen was the only door that separated it from the livingroom, so we can hear everyone going silent as Rose walks firmly (as if she knews what she’s doing and definitely wouldn’t take anyone’s bullshit) to the front of the house. The moment was so full of tension that even though no one requires it, I find my own eyes boring holes into the ground.

“Hello, Rose,” Alpha Liefde said. I looked up at him. His face, while theoretically neutral, was so happy and sad and angry and confused and nervous… even not knowing him, it was a little overwhelming to see.

Katrina, ever my keeper, pulled me to the side by my arm. “Go with Beta Haldo, show him around,” she said out loud. _Keep him from getting too bored,_ she said in my head.

I smiled shyly up at the man who I’d momentarily forgotten was the most beautiful person to ever have existed. “Uhh… alright then. Why don’t I show you my room?”

Haldo smiled at me in a way that made it hard to breathe for a moment. I bounced up the stairs with him in tow. Only now was I a little curious what they were saying downstairs. I also found myself excited to show Haldo my room, though it wasn’t much to look at. It was actually a bit messy.

“It’s Thomas, right?” Haldo said as I escorted him into my room.

“Mmhmm.” I hut the door behind us because otherwise, anyone in the house would be able to hear us. Haldo stood in the middle of the room, his gaze sweeping over both my side and my roommate’s, taking everything in. He looked back at me and I made a wide sweeping gesture. “So yeah, this is my room, sorry for the mess. We have bunk beds, as you can see. That is, my roommate and I. I’m bottom bunk. Though I was top bunk before he moved in. Our pack house doesn't have much space. That’s why Rose had to room with Alpha Candy. Though we might’ve had one or two spare rooms with female roommates. It might’ve just been that Kat wanted them to room together, I don’t really know.”

Haldo was looking at me in a way I wasn’t quite sure I understood. I shut my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was to bore him, or annoy him.

“Huh,” was all he said. He looked through my roommate’s trinket collection. My roommate had a few hoarding tendencies. I stood practically still by the doorframe and tried not to stare at him while he fingered through a collection of family photos. It didn’t work very well. I leaned back on my hands and pressed them back against the doorframe. Haldo wore a white longsleeved tee-shirt that said OPPAI on it, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood. His pants were navy corduroy, which might’ve looked professional if not for the fact that they had several food stains on them, and the corduroy on the knees looked to have been rubbed off.

“You call this messy?” he asked with a laugh, turning on me. “I could clean for a week and still not have my room be this pristine.”

I shrugged as if it were no big deal, secretly proud of how nicely I kept the room. “We don’t have much stuff. Or tolerance for clutter.”

Haldo raised his chin and motioned to the rest of the room with an upwards jerk of his head. “Out of everything in here, what do you think you’re most attached to?”

That, I had to think about for a good moment. I went to my closet and pulled out a cardboard box filled with miscellaneous stuff. From the bottom, I pulled out an old ragged brown teddy bear, the kind with the hard stuffing that sat down. It had a tiny little sewn-on astronaut helmet and a little light grey patch sewn on to it’s left elbow. “I’ve always liked this little bugger,” I told him, presenting my old teddy bear.

That made Haldo laugh again, and he took the teddy bear. He had a hearty laugh that seemed to be supported by an endless supply of breath. “I ask you to show me one thing from your room and you bring out your old stuffed bear?”

A bit of heat rose to my cheeks. “I, I mean, well-”

“No, no,” he stopped laughing, though he still had a small smile on his face, “I like it. It’s peculiar.” Haldo took a step closer to me, officially entering my personal space. “I like you. You’re peculiar.”

The heat drained from my face and I bit my lip and inhaled his scent. His wonderful, sweetly musky scent. “You and I… we’re mates, aren’t we?” Though this wasn’t really question.

“Oh, for sure,” Haldo said in a loud whisper. His fingertips grazed over my cheek as he pulled his mouth down close to mine. His breath was warm and wet against my upper nose as he paused to see how I reacted to this. His lips were soft against mine as he closed his eyes.

It only took about half a second for me to figure out that I needed to kiss him back. This was hard because he was so much taller than me. My thin arms wrapped around the back of his neck and his massive hands wrapped around my waist; we pulled each other tighter together. Haldo kissed me like he was sucking on a lollipop he wanted to savor. Instead of pressing his lips against mine like they seemed to do in most movies that involved kissing, he would take my lips in his, suck on them, and then release them, landing his kisses around my mouth and lips.

His mouth tasted like peppermint and I could hear his pocket crinkling with the wrapper. I moaned when his right hand left my waist and trailed up my sides, sending a shiver up and down my core. The same hand continued to find its way upwards until I could feel his grip firm in my curly blonde hair.

After a few minutes, we began to find our rhythm. Haldo had slowly worked my lips apart and now our tongues worked with each other, twisting together. I ran one of my hands up and down his chest. The heavy sensation of his muscular frame touching mine was enough to give me chills. On top of that was the occasional yank of my hair in his hand, which he seemed to have fun with. My body arced under his steady hand. We surged together and fell apart and pressed together again, one moving with the other.

Even though Haldo and I knew less about each other than we did about the vast cultural history of cheese, (though I don’t know, he could’ve known about that) this connection I had with him was already stronger than whatever I’d had with Katrina. Not only was he handsome and well mannered and obviously clever and in possession of the most gorgeous voice, but he was listening to me. When I mumbled a request, he happily fulfilled it. When I seemed to hesitate, he stopped completely.

Katrina, if she had done any of this, hadn’t done a very good job. Either she was bad at looking for nonverbal cues, or she just didn’t care, but already no kiss between us had been this good. I could feel a mate bond already forming between Haldo and I. Haldo kissed me. I reciprocated. My top teeth pressed slightly into his lower lip and I tugged. He did the same for my upper lip. His left hand roamed my back and settled lower and lower each time. We both breathed.


	40. Rose’s POV

Thomas led me to the living room. In here, though I’d already been multiple times, I compulsively checked the exits. Stairs, door, window, window, door, the hallway I came from. It was a good room. Exits in every direction. And, oddly enough, a grandfather clock in the corner.

“Hello, Rose,” Vrees said. I looked over at him as Katrina pulled Thomas and Haldo off to the side. Candy excused herself, presumably to the kitchen, but taking Katrina with her. Within seconds we were the only two people in the room. Most of the pack wasn’t even home.

“Hello, Vrees.” I didn’t say this coolly, but still with less emotion than even I had expected. I could see Vrees gulp nervously at my tone. His whole body shook with tiny near-imperceptible shudders that he often wore right after a long sprint or a long hard fight.

“Hi,” he said again in a nervous wide-eyed way that was more breath than sound. This conversation was already going in circles.

“Here,” I said taking him by the sleeve and dragging him back to the couch. “Sit.”

“I-”

“Shut up,” I said. He did. The grandfather clock behind me ticked on, oblivious to our interaction. The tick-tock set me on edge, though I didn’t know why. Some part of me wanted to turn around and smother it, while another part loved the sound.

Vrees sat looking thoroughly reprimanded. Across from him, I knew my posture was perfect: stiff and confident, hands folded politely in the lap of Candy's oversized jeans. There was a tension around my eyes that I could feel, even if I couldn’t erase it. I didn’t bother reassuring him that he was not its intended target. I didn’t plan on telling him anything of the sort for some time.

I didn’t squander the lead in conversation I had established by silencing him. “So here’s what is about to happen: I have a few things you and I need to discuss, and anything you have to say will come after that. Do you understand?” My hands clasped together.

Vrees nodded, a motion almost timid when paired with his expression. I knew from years of experience that the tension in his jaw was the only thing keeping him from crying. I also knew from experience that he had spent the past few weeks punishing himself. One glance at his distressed knuckles could show that.

Realizing this fact, I did a full-body check up on Vrees’s well-being. His hair, no surprise, was a tangled black mess. His pant legs were perfectly clean, not a mud stain on them. Just based on how he looked, I knew he hadn’t changed in days. He obviously hadn’t shifted in a while, or his pants would’ve had at least some dirt on them. He smelled as if he’d taken a shower previously that day, so I couldn’t smell much on him aside from what his expressions told me right now, but I could guess how much the scents of stress and sadness had worried their way into his clothes to make him feel the need to wash before seeing me.

“Alright.” I decided to hit him with the most important one first. “What do you remember of the day you won the first round of the Alpha contest?”

Vrees jumped like I’d just slapped him. I hadn’t been expecting that. Obviously he hadn’t expected the question either. “I… which part?”

“Our fight,” I said without a beat. “Or lack thereof.”

I didn’t quite understand his pained look. He’d never shown a dislike of that day before. Regardless, I needed to know what he remembered. It would help me to further understand what had actually happened.

“You just said it. We didn’t fight,” he huffed. “That’s all. Rose, I want to talk about you- us- this whole… situation. I don’t… I don’t know-”

“You don’t know anything, Vrees,” I stood and glowered down at him. He was obviously near his breaking point, body giving off near-imperceptible tremors every time the conversation seemed to be spiraling out of his control. Every time it seemed I was about to get up and leave. My next words were forced through my front teeth. “Now you need to tell me. What do you remember of that moment?”

He opened his mouth without speaking. After a moment of this, I broke off and began pacing behind my chair. “You stepped into the ring of people… The dirt was really dry. It’d been dry recently; no rain. I was scared to fight you. Terrified, actually.”

My eyes focused like pinpoints on his facial expressions. I tried to discern if he was lying. Honestly, I couldn’t tell. “Scared… Terrified…” The grandfather clock ticked off a few feet away. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

He shrugged, though he was clearly rattled. “Thought you’d win.” I noticed that he was adamantly refusing to look away, barely even blinking.

Instead of forcing him to maintain a near-painful level of discomfort at our eye-contact battle, I saved him the effort by turning my back. The realization that this was an extreme sign of disrespect only hit me as I began to pace again. One does not turn their back on a threat. Though who was I kidding? Vrees wasn’t a threat.

“What else?”

“That’s what I remember. I don’t know. You stepped into the ring looking far too confident for my nerves. Alpha Creed was staring at me. Everything was a little fuzzy, though I’m not sure if that was nerves or adrenaline or both.”

“Or something else,” I said. “We can't cross out tampering as an option.”

“Tampering?” he repeated. I might've considered his expression dumb if I didn’t know it meant alarm.

“It’s not important.” I stopped pacing, finally crossing my arms. His mouth opened to a half-formed response that died on his brilliantly pink lips. Lips that had been worried by pearl white teeth into a state of rawness. Lips that quivered with confused questions.

“If I may ask…” this request trailed off. I enjoyed that he bothered to ask permission, and I nodded for him to continue. “What is important?”

That was a good question. I wanted to know as well. “Answers are important, Vrees,” I answered. “And I don’t have them. You’re going to help me find them." The clock’s ticking was now like a beat. My mind raced to its mechanical wind, but I was no longer thinking of Vrees. I had already gone on to the next three questions and his probable answers. “Who do you remember being in the crowd?"

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. One glance over at the pendulum let me see that it was going to take at least as long to settle in the middle as I might to decide whether Vrees’s information was useful.

“I… no-one, really… I was a little freaked out at the time. I remember seeing my dad in the crowd with this really intense expression on his face. You were there, obviously, and your… parents.” He stopped and looked at me as if I would give him some sort of confirmation that he wasn’t being a douchebag. 

My voice came out deadpanned, “Vrees, there is absolutely nothing you could say right now that would force me to end this conversation. Get over yourself and go on.”

He blinked, nodded, vision skittered to the right of my head to help his mind trace the path to remembering more specific details of what had been a life-altering event. "There was this woman," he told me, "she kept staring at me. Oh, I don't know, she could've just been there because. She looked like she was in her early to mid forties, but I never was the best judge of ages, especially back then. She had this purple streak in her hair. She was Asian, I think. And she was tall. Not, like, that tall, but taller than enough people that I could see her in the middle of the crowd. About as tall as my dad, I think. I don't remember why I remember her. She just gave my wolf the creeps."

His wolf. The fact that this woman had been interesting enough for Vrees's wolf to take notice was definitely notable. The fact that he remembered her, more so. The grandfather clock tick-tocked, its old wood seeming to creak. I sighed. I sat down. I put the pads of my forefingers onto the bridge between my eyes.

"Vrees," I said, my voice commanding and yet softer.

"Yes," he said, his voice helpless and yet stable.

"What do you need to know?"

I could see him about to jump on the question, to release his walls and allow the flood of every single one of his confused and contradictory emotions to wash through me. What he wanted to do was to dump them on me and somehow have everything be alright. Some part of me was proud, then, when instead he collected himself and asked the question he really wanted to have an answer to.

"Do you know if you'll ever cone back?" he implored.

"To you, or to the pack?" I wanted to make the distinction clear.

"Either."

I allowed a measure of air to pass through my nostrils with both solid inhale and exhale before I attempted to answer. "To the pack? Yes, I know. No, I won't." I allowed another moment of breathing and tick-tocking to pass before I answered the second. "To you? No, I don't know." 

It took my ex-Alpha a moment to get ahold of himself and to then wrestle his mind into compliance before he could ask me the other question he had.

"Do you hate me?" 

The fear in his eyes- no, weakness- no, fragility. The fragile look in his wet amber eyes confirmed my knowledge that talking to him had been the right decision. He would never again be able to look me in the eyes and pretend that he had always been stronger than me, or that I was anything less than the reason he lived. I could so easily crush his torn raging soul. 

"No. I don't hate you."

He looked about to tear up. He chewed his lip as he obviously had done much right before this meeting. I stood, and went to call Candy. Vrees trailed after me. The grandfather clock tick-tocked. Tick-tock.


	41. Thomas’s POV

From what I could tell, Rose and her Alpha were resolving their problems. Then again, I didn’t really think to ask either of them what their problems were, or how they were getting over them. I didn’t have much time, what with my growing infatuation with the most amazing man I’d ever met. 

After our mindblowing kiss, Haldo and I had stayed in my room talking until my roommate came in and crawled on the top bunk. He wasn’t much of a talker, but we’d developed enough of a nonverbal communication system that when he put his headphones on and just stared up at the ceiling, I knew he wanted some alone time.

“You wanna see if they’re done downstairs?” I asked Haldo.

His fingers fiddled with mine and he shrugged nonchalantly. “I suppose. Can’t imagine Rose and Vrees want too much of a reunion.”

“You don’t think they’ll want to be alone?” I asked, head tilted to the side. I took his hand and pulled him from my bed, where we’d been sharing favorite bands. Some of my favorite CDs (I’m old fashioned, sue me) lay strewn across the bedding. Haldo held my waist tight again and leaned down for a quick peck on the lips.

“Doubt it,” he pulled away, fingers still laced behind my back, “their relationship is all hellish kinds of complicated. That is, if Rose decides there even IS a relationship.”

I nodded. “Well, it’s Candy’s turn to make dinner. Given that she NEVER cooks, I’d probs get started.”

He smiled, “Why don’t I join you?”

I smiled back and for a moment I lost my train of thought. His square jaw and warm brown eyes invited me to come closer, even though I was already only a step away. I folded myself into him and rested my head against his chest. When Haldo laughed at my overt sentimentality, I could feel the deep vibrations in his torso.

“Okay, Thomas, let’s go,” he said, after a moment.

Instead, I looked up at him and pouted. Just a little bit so he would know I was joking. “Do we have to?” I stuck out my bottom lip and could barely keep myself from grinning.

“Well, I’m going,” he, too, had a barely restrained smile, “so I think you’re going too.” I expected him to take a step towards the door, but just as he did so, he turned and swept me from the floor. I yelped in surprise and scrambled to secure myself with my arms around his neck.

“Jesus H. Christ!” I breathed. “Put me down!”

He laughed as he carried me cradle style out of my room, “You’re really light.” Thankfully, he did put me down and shut my door. Somehow my hand was in his before I even realized it. “You’re not religious, are you?”

“Just a saying. I’m Buddhist,” I answered, leading him back down the hall and stairs. “You?”

“I’m a pretty devout atheist.”

Rose and Vrees had already finished up by the time we came down the stairs. I continued to lead Haldo through the kitchen and to the dining room, where they most definitely were. For no reason Haldo could’ve helped, I dropped his hand. I’d done so with only a second to spare before Katrina’s piercing eyes latched onto mine and she mentally told me, in her usually aggressive mental volume, to finish dinner. 

_NOW,_ she growled. I nodded and led Haldo back into the kitchen.

“Oh, Haldo, do you want to join the meeting?” Alpha Candy asked.

“Oh, ha, no I’m fine following Thomas around for a bit more,” he said. “I’m sure Vrees and Rose will be fine by themselves.

Candy shrugged, twirling around to walk to her office. “Suit yourself.”

“What was that all about?” Haldo asked when we walked back into the kitchen. I popped out pots and pans without sparing him a glance.

“Which part?” I wasn’t exactly ashamed of how I’d reacted to Katrina, but I didn’t like how Haldo had to see that, even if half of it was literally in my head.

“You let go of my hand. You don’t want Katrina to know about us?”

His tone made me spin around, already shaking my head. My hands did their best to dissuade him of the idea by shaking “No, no, it’s not like that, I swear. I don’t… well, okay, I’m not out, but that’s not it.”

He didn’t look upset, exactly, but his arms were crossed and lips pursed. “Would you care to explain then?”

Despite his words, his tone was gentle. I sighed, grasping his hands in mine once more and leaning into his side. “It’s complicated, Haldo. It’s hella complicated.” I put the pans down on the counter. “See, okay, there’s no one knowing I’m bisexual. But also, Katrina’s been my fated for nearly two years now. And it’s just terrible. I don’t know a single story of fated who’ve stayed together as long as us without marking each other or killing each other.”

“Fated?” he asked.

“Oh, your pack not have that? That’s what we call first mates.”

“Fated… okay, I apologize for interrupting.”

I tightened my grip around his firm veiny hands. “No, it’s just… she’s so… terrible. She acts like she owns me, Haldo. And everyone kind of does that for Omegas in this pack, but she does it even more. She tries to be my keeper, but not in a helpful way, just… if I screw up, even if no one notices, she’ll be paying extra special attention because I’m ‘hers.’ She thinks that when I screw up, it’s somehow her fault, so she gets more upset at me than anyone else.”

Haldo wrapped his arms around me from behind. “She’s not very nice, I gather?”

I nodded slowly. “No…” Haldo rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand, which felt nice, in a swirling kind of way. I clenched my teeth as I made up my mind to continue speaking, though my voice came out quiet, “I ran away because of her, you know. Twice, actually… Both times I came back because I didn’t know where else to go.”

I looked up to see the sympathy in his eyes. Some people disliked that, but his emotions thrilled through me. His smooth baritone rumble didn’t hurt either.

“What would you say about coming to the Dark Light pack as our Omega? No funny business. You seem to enjoy what you do. Obvious protection while you’re both new and an Omega because I’ll be your mate.” He spoke into my stringy blonde hair. His hot breath blew a strand into my face.

I opened my mouth because I was sure I was about to respond. Surely I was going to say yes, why would I ever want to stay here? But before I joked about how, of course I wanted to go with him, the reality of it closed in on me. Sure, it was easy to SAY I wanted to leave, but how would I know? I’d never really left before. Rose left that pack for a reason. And yeah, the Bolumway pack sucked ass, but what if the Dark Light pack was worse? Even with Haldo’s promise of protection, he couldn’t really force people to like me. What if they ALL hated me instead of just a few people like here?

I detangled myself from his rough hands and got the rest of the supplies and ingredients for dinner. My hands busied with the preperation. I got a pot, filled it with water, turned the stovetop heat on. After I opened the fridge, I realized that I was trying my hardest to avoid his sturdy brown eyes. That I didn’t want to explain myself, as he would insist whenever I turned to face him.

“It’s not a demand, Thomas,” he said quietly.

I turned to Haldo, feeling like turning into an armadillo, like folding my arms around my whole body. I’d never been good at looking people in the eyes.

“I- I know.” I took a deep breath. When that didn’t relieve the tension in my chest, I turned back to the food I was preparing, busying my hands. I gave it a solid half a minute before responding. “Haldo… I’ve never…” I stopped a brief moment again. “I’ve only ever visited other packs in our organization. I mean, I know you guys are pretty close but I’ve never- I’ve n-never been there before!”

My jaw clenched and tears welled in my eyes. As I snuffled Haldo applied his feather-light touch to my shoulders. I set my wooden spatula on the countertop. He pulled me close to him, and I melted again in his embrace.

“That’s fine Thomas, shh…” he petted my hair. “It’s okay, it’s alright. I got a little ahead of myself.”

“I… and I mean you’re amazing and wonderful and I already don’t know what I would do without you but-” I hiccupped.

“It’s okay, Thomas. You don’t need to explain, it get it. This is our first day meeting each other. I can’t just go and ask you to move from your house like that.” He wiped the tears from my eyes with his big brown hands. Through my already-evaporating tears, I bit my lip again and smiled up at him.

“‘M sorry too,” I said with a somewhat awkward laugh, “I kinda freak out about stuff sometimes. I’m just a really emotional guy I guess.”

Haldo smiled back, “I like that.”

When Katrina invaded my head again, the food was almost completely done. I’d set a place out for her, me, Candy, and the guests, but the rest of it was just in a pot. I’d put some bowels next to the stove. With a pack of fifty-ish teenagers, it was sometimes hard to get them all in the same room at the same time, so usually we just made it on a first-come first-serve basis. If you were late to dinner, there probably wouldn’t be a dinner for you. 

_Food ready?_ she asked.

 _Yes._ I responded tersely.

_Plates set for the guests?_

_Yes._

_Good. We’ll be out in a few minutes._ She severed the connection.

“Katrina and friends will be entering the room any moment now.” I announced to Haldo, who could be found, yet again, curled around my slim body fiddling with my hands.

“Your hands are more calloused than I expected,” he said.

I snorted, “Well I’m not sure why you didn’t expect them to be calloused. I am the maid half the time.”

He playfully licked at my ear, “Well your knuckles are just as soft as I expected, so I’m guessing you don’t do much fight training.”

“Yeah, that’s not really my thing,” I chuckled.

Haldo ran his hand through my hair, not for the first time. I was sure it looked properly disheveled by now. “Are we going to announce our mate-ship to everyone?

I froze, blinked, restarted, paused again. “I’m… not sure. Do we… want them all to know?”

“It’s your decision,” he bounced his shoulders, because it was more than than a shrug. “I have absolutely no emotional stock in what any of them know about us aside from Vrees, who I’ll tell anyway.”

I raised a finger to pause him, “On the _other_ hand, you and I could tell no one.” I grinned and darted my eyes as if to make sure no one saw me. Then I leaned back and whispered in his ear, “We’ll be secret lovers, sending coded messages to each other across immeasurable distances. We’ll hide our secret from everyone, waiting with bated breath for the day when we can finally join together to form our own pack.” Haldo snorted and I giggled, falling into him. He leaned down and pulled my lips to his in a kiss. For some reason, heat rushed to my face.

Just before Katrina entered the kitchen, I scrambled off of Haldo and licked my lips. He wiped his mouth, grinning and looking slightly stoned.

“Six bowls, Thomas,” she said, exasperated, “you haven’t set the table.” She grabbed two bowls and filled them up, almost immediately leaving the room.

“Wait,” I said, stopping her. The way I said it made her turn, probably because I sounded about to refuse an order. She raised an eyebrow. I backtracked. “Sorry, I meant- I, uh, have something to tell you.”

“It can wait,” she snapped. “Get the food on the table first.”

“I, uh, think you want to hear-”

“It. Can. Wait,” she growled. The look in her eye was venomous because I’d dared to contradict her.

I nodded immediately, backing down. “Her loss,” I muttered to Haldo, “she definitely would’ve wanted to know before everyone else.”

“Definitely her loss,” Haldo muttered. “I’m almost glad she shot herself in the foot like that though.” I filled up another bowl.

Alpha Candy sat at the end of the table, and Alpha Liefde sat at the other end. On his right was Haldo, and on his left was Rose. I sat next to Haldo, and Katrina sat on Alpha Candy’s right, next to Rose. It was a fun time, totally not awkward. At all.

In reality, it was like eating with distant cousins who you were only with because everyone else had picked a seat. I was frightened of Katrina, intimidated by the Alphas, and only really connected with Rose, who was across the table and to the side, not to mention had her own stuff with Vrees and people do deal with. That really only left me with Haldo, which was fine, except we hadn’t told anyone yet so we were trying not to talk.

Obviously, I wasn’t the only one feeling awkward. Haldo seemed desperate to make the announcement about us as well as drag Vrees to the side and ask him what happened. Alpha Vrees seemed to want to talk with Rose more about whatever they’d discussed, but also to gage what Candy was up to. Candy was doing that thing where she seems as oblivious as possible so no one could tell what she was thinking. Katrina was clearly trying to understand every situation at once aside from mine and Haldo’s. And Rose. I had no idea what Rose was doing, though she kept sending me seemingly pointed glances.

With all this attempted mind reading, there was a lot of silence. And when there wasn’t silence, there was awkwardness. I opened my mouth to say something all of one time, and when I did, I was immediately reminded that I was severely outranked by everyone at the table from the surprised (and in Katrina’s case, irritated) stares I received.

Halfway through this uncomfortable experience, Haldo cleared his throat and put down his fork. I’d been doing my best to stay out of the conversations, so I almost didn’t notice. 

“I have something to say,” he declared. Now everyone was looking at him. Normally I might’ve gotten second hand anxiety, but something about him, maybe it was the command he seemed to hold over conversations, soothed me.

“Oh?” Alpha Liefde said. Though he’d been conversing with Haldo, he clearly didn’t know what this was about.

“Yes, well, it’s not just me. It’s Thomas and I.”

Katrina appeared surprised that Haldo had even remembered my name, “What?”

Haldo, not one to be dramatic, flatly said, “We’re mates.”

You could feel the idea processing in the air like it had to be chewed as slowly as our food and digested. Alpha Vrees looked pleasantly surprised, Rose looked completely unsurprised, Alpha Candy looked like she didn’t care, and then there was Katrina. Katrina looked like she was having a particularly hard time processing. Katrina looked like she was about to have an aneurism.

“Congratu-” Alpha Liefde started saying.

“No you’re not,” Katrina demanded.

My brows furrowed. “Um… yes…?” I said, not sure how else to contest her confident incorrectness.

“Beta Katrina, I can assure you we are,” Haldo insisted.

“Well then you’re lying,” she growled. “Thomas is impressionable. He’d believe you if you said you were mates.”

I ground my teeth at the idea that I wouldn’t recognize a mate bond. Usually I liked being underestimated. Now was not one of those times.

Alpha Liefde spoke calmly, “I’ll try my best not be take offense at you calling my Beta a liar, Katrina, but what you’re saying is ridiculous. Even an idiot would recognize a mateship, and honestly, Thomas doesn’t strike me as idiotic.”

“He’s not,” Rose agreed. “Katrina I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to let this go.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Katrina said, addressing everyone at the table, but mostly Candy, “I’m not being stubborn. This actually isn’t possible. I’m sure. I marked Thomas a week and a half ago.”

My hands clenched ever so slightly at the tablecloth as she reminded me. I could feel myself wilting, hunching over, avoiding everyone’s eyes. I begged her in my mind not to let them know any of the specific details of what had happened. Obviously, I didn’t actually beg her, but I would’ve if I thought it would’ve done anything. In all my life I couldn’t remember feeling both so vulnerable and so used.

I hadn’t noticed Katrina stalking around to table to my side until she was two steps away, at which point I was too frozen to do anything about it.

“Look,” she demanded of everyone at the table.

“Wh-” I said.

Katrina cut my off by pulling the collar of my shirt down to reveal the scar of her fangs, as they’d sunk into my shoulder while she was in half-state. I stiffened; heat rushed to my face. I couldn’t see her expressions because she was behind me, practically pinning me to the chair, but I could see everyone else’s. That was because they were, again, all staring at me. More specifically, at Katrina’s mark on me.

“That is weird,” Candy remarked.

“She just marked you?” Haldo asked me, eyes slightly widened.

“I- it wasn’t-” I said.

“Yes,” Katrina said, as if she’d finally given us irrevocable proof, “so you can’t be mates. The shortest inbetween time from marking to a new mate I’ve ever heard of was three months. NOT a week and a half.”

She removed her hand from my neck and I slumped in my chair. Some part of me knew that, ignoring Kat’s mark, I was still fully mated with Haldo. But at the same time, I wasn’t about to tell two Alphas, including my own, two Betas, and Rose, whatever high ranking she was, that they were all wrong. That I could be free of Katrina. I hadn’t even been strong enough to say that to just her.

Everyone was silent for a moment. I realized, with growing certainty, that it was becoming increasingly hard to breathe. I stopped paying attention in order to calm myself, walking through the counting system I’d set up when I could feel a panic attack coming on. Even after I realized Haldo’d spoken, I had to work to ground myself again and focus on the conversation.

“Yeah, Haldo’s right,” Rose said, “If there’s anything my recent findings have shown, it’s that the rules of magic are flexible. We have people who believe in shifter magic and theorize about how it works, but no one really studies it. No one goes around and catalogues experiences with it. All we have are wives tales and general rules. Who’s to say that this doesn’t happen relatively often? Just because only one in 3,700,000 people get eaten by sharks doesn’t mean that no one gets eaten by sharks.”

“No!” Katrina cried, “that doesn’t mean- you can’t just-” she turned to Haldo with the inferno glare that usually made me want to die, the one that after using it, I always curled up in a ball to cry about. The glare of pure hatred that made me feel like I would never be loved, that nothing about me was worth even toleration. I gulped when she turned it on Haldo, but he stayed solid. Entirely unaffected. “He’s mine,” she growled. I looked at her hair and it seemed to be growing shorter, or longer. Shorter on her head. Longer everywhere else. Her teeth looked like they were being pulled from her mouth, and her growl grew louder and deeper and more furious.

“No,” Haldo still looked unaffected as she entered half state. I could feel he wasn’t, but if I hadn’t known better, he would look almost bored. “You lost him. He’s mine now.”

“I marked him.” Her words were barely discernable through her growl now, “I had him first.” Her hands were raised at her side. Right now, her half state was such that she looked almost like a werewolf. I honestly didn’t understand how Haldo wasn’t terrified. He was so… strong.

“That’s not how this works,” Haldo said. His arms crossed.

“Oh really?” her voice rumbled, “So you just get to decide? Is that how this works? Why don’t we ask Thomas what HE thinks?”

And then they were all staring at me. Vrees with curiosity, Rose with intent as if trying to tell me that this was my chance, even Candy was interested now, and Katrina. And Haldo. Clearly, Katrina was furious. Her fury pinned me back against the seat and knocked the air from my lungs. But then Haldo, he looked concerned, as if he really cared. And for some reason that prevented me from breathing in again.

Counting trick failing, I gasped for air. My hands went to my chest as if pressing at my ribcage could force the air inside me again, could force me to forget how everyone was looking at me and needing me to make a decision and tell Katrina TO HER FACE that I had never wanted to be with her, to be her doll, to be played with and dressed up, to be thrown on the floor when I didn’t work properly. I couldn’t breathe, yet I was breathing too much. With every inhale, my eyes blurred, and yet I couldn’t stop.

“Thomas. Thomas look at me,” Haldo said. I did my best to focus on my breathing first, but that clearly wasn’t working.

He grabbed my shoulders tight. “Thomas. Look at me,” he demanded.

I looked at him. His blonde hair, his upturned nose, his square jaw, his tan skin, his brown solid inviting eyes. My eyes blurred again as I inhaled far too much air again.

“Listen to me, are you listening?” he asked. I nodded, still gasping for breath, trying not to cry, trying not to pass out, trying to calm myself down, the counting trick wasn’t working, I couldn’t breathe.

“Put your thumb over your nostril like this, okay?” Haldo put his right thumb over his right nostril.

I stared at him confused for a moment, trying to breathe, trying to stop breathing, trying to think and yet not to have to think. I put my thumb over my right nostril.

“Now breathe in through your nose like this. See how I’m doing it?” I copied him. And when he switched nostrils, I did too. His warm brown eyes grounded me. I felt that I could, no should, fall into his arms, that whatever had freaked me out would melt away if I just let him hold me. The nose thing began to work: constricting my breathing, I realized now, so I stopped hyperventilating.

“Sorry,” I mumbled when I could breathe again and the world no longer felt like it was expanding and imploding.

“You’re okay,” Haldo mumbled back lowly, for my ears only, but, I now remembered, in front of a room full of people. Only Rose, practically furthest from me, was trying not to dissect me with her eyes, was, in fact, looking away politely so that not another set of eyes were watching.

“You-” Katrina started up again, now that I was clearly not about to faint. 

“Sit down, Katrina,” Alpha Candy commanded now, entering the conversation for, as far as I could remember, the first time in a while. “That’s enough.” She was about to protest, I could tell. She didn’t, I’m not quite sure why.

“So… now that I think we’ve established that Haldo and Thomas are mates,” Alpha Liefde said, breaking the tense long seconds of silence to ask of Candy, “are we still free to stay the night?”


	42. Rose's POV

It was all coming together. I could feel it; the pieces in my mind were being drawn together by a string I did not yet understand. I needed to think. To get away from the conflicting drama and figure out what all I had gathered meant. Unfortunately, Vrees was still here.

He’d promised to leave me alone for as long as I needed to make my decision. But I could feel his eyes on me as I passed his room in the morning, could hear his heartbeat pick up when I went for a run in the afternoon, could smell his anxiety and longing every damn second that I passed near him.

I wasn’t happy when he decided to stay at Alpha Candy’s “for a day or two” while I mulled over my decision, but at least he still had paperwork to do. As for my decision, there was none to be made. I wasn’t going back to that pack. Regardless of Vrees, he hadn’t been my sole abuser. I needed to know I could trust each and every person in my pack.

“I’m going out,” I said to Thomas. He was in the kitchen, baking bread and something that smelled of beef, garlic, and soy sauce.

“Okay,” he said, smiling. Haldo leaned to whisper something in his ear, and the Omega boy blushed, giggling.

“Something interesting?” I asked, attempting to suppress a smile.

“I was just telling Thomas how much I enjoy his cooking,” Haldo said sweetly.

I raised my eyebrow, this time not hiding the smirk. “Sure.”

“Be back before twilight, alright?” Thomas said from the cabinet, where he was getting out all sorts of seasonings and spices. “Dinner should be ready by then.”

I nodded, and then headed out the door.

The Bolumway pack had one annoying feature. Because it was so in the middle of things, one had to walk down a sketchy alleyway for about three blocks before entering the woods. There was nothing wrong with this, really. No one was around, and this was still pack territory. But since the moment of leaving the house, the hairs on the back of my neck had been raised. I felt watched. The sooner I could get into the woods and run, the better.

Ever since my attack at the inn, which I still hadn’t gotten around to telling anyone about, I felt nervous being alone. My wolf felt it too, that anxiety. Though I couldn’t be sure if she just enjoyed being in the Bolumway pack so much that she hated being away for long. Even this, a three block walk to the woods, made me paranoid that someone would jump out and try to kidnap me, or worse.

Nevertheless, I needed to think, and that house, like all pack houses, was crowded with people and their thoughts and their sounds and their scents. It was just sensically distracting.

Feet padding into the woods, I stripped as quickly as possible, shifting and crouching in basically one jolted motion.

There had been a woman, Vrees said. Tall, Asian, and not from one of the neighbouring packs. She’d given his wolf the creeps. That was all.

I wracked my brains for some connection, any detail that he’d given me, that might be important. But honestly, he’d given me so little to work with. She could’ve been anyone. And she could’ve been an innocent random lady with no connection to my Omega situation. I didn’t believe that for a second, obviously, but I had no way of knowing. None whatsoever.

After I shifted, I tucked my clothes in a neat little spot under a tree root. It felt freeing to run as a wolf again. It always did, no matter the situation. After everything, running through the trees and leaves, instinctively dodging branches on the forest floor, feeling the breeze against my wet canine nose, it made me feel alive.

The woman.

I almost snapped a twig, but my Wolf stopped me.

Not the woman at our Ranking Trials, no, I never caught a glimpse of her. I was thinking of May. The woman at the inn. The woman who fed me oatmeal and then let her husband try and break me in the way you break a horse.

Something about it bugged me. Thomas had tried to feed me oatmeal for breakfast a few days prior and I nearly vomited from the scent of it and the memory it conjured. I’d had to stuff my mouth full of sassafras leaves before the memory would leave my nasal cavity. I couldn’t imagine how I’d react to not just oatmeal, but chicken alfredo. I’d never be able to eat that again without panicking.

No. Focus.

May. There was something about her that had been off, that had been wrong. I didn’t notice it at the time, chalking it up to regular “I’m a stranger in your run-down inn” uncomfortability, but there had definitely been something. 

My paws padded against the soft dirt. I sat on my haunches in the middle of the woods.

 _The oatmeal was bad_ , Wolf said.

I blinked in surprise. Wolf hadn’t bothered to say anything for a very long time. By that, I meant in over a year. The only time my wolf spoke was when something of grave importance needed to be said.

 _I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me,_ I replied.

_It tasted bad to me. Very bad. It made me sick._

It made Wolf sick.

 _Thank you,_ I said to my wolf, reverently. _Thank you very much._

It made Wolf sick. Nothing made Wolf sick. Wolf did not technically have a body and only one thing could actually make Wolf sick.

Shifter poison.

***

“I can’t go back right now,” I told Vrees.

He was sitting on his bed in Candy’s guest room. From the way his things were arranged, he clearly had been unpacking the overnight bag and was distracted by one of those throw-away magazines about Top 10 Health Habits or Brad Pitt’s relationship status.

He looked up at me, amber eyes peeking through long black eyelashes.

He blanched, “What? Why?”

“Because there’s something I haven’t told you. Between here and our pack, something happened. It was… well, it was a lot, and I won’t go into details right now, but there was a woman at a shitty run-down inn named May, and she and her husband knew I was a shifter, and I think they had some connection to our pack.”

“What?” he repeated, eyes narrowing. “That’s not possible. There are no shifters from here to our pack who own inns. I would know. I had to memorize every shifter-owned business in a 75 mile radius of our territory.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” I said, and then looked at him. His expression right now, one of confusion, confidence, and impatience, began to set me on edge. I suddenly wondered how it was that I could speak to him like this without a stutter.

It really hadn’t been that long.

“I… I mean, these people were un-registered. They’re not p- art…” I took a deep breath. Keep it together, Rose. It’s not a problem. He’s not trying to be intimidating.

I took another breath and looked up, meeting his eyes. I leaned back against the door-frame, feeling a need for the more casual body language, looking like I was barely invested in the conversation.

“They’re not a part of our pack, or any pack we know of. And I know they knew I was a shifter, because they fed me hibiscus, shifter poison. There were traces of it in all the food.”

His frown deepened. And I couldn’t tell if it was concern or irritation, because from my experiences with him, they seemed to go hand-in-hand.

“So before you came here… you were poisoned. By a couple who, what, wanted to kidnap you?” The magazine in his hand somehow found its way to the floor, and he stood. He’d never been that tall, but Alphas did get posture training.

“I…” I hesitated. For some reason, this felt like unsafe territory. “Yeah.”

“What did you do? How are you still safe?”

He took a step towards me, and I held his gaze while reminding myself not to step back completely against the wall.

“I just… I had to…” I massaged my temples for a brief moment. “I just ran. Got lost. Ran s’more. After that, I found my way here.”

Somehow he was suddenly there, in my bubble of personal space. His yellow eyes bore down on me in an emotion I had no practice with reading, eyes squinting, jaw tight.

“They hurt you,” he said, quiet. His hands closed brushingly around my muscular arms, arms I hadn’t even realized had been shaking. I really did step back pushing myself into the wall to get some semblance of space back.

The scene reminded me too much of that time back in his room. When I’d been afraid to even look him in the eye and he’d been so concerned with making me trust him. When he’d demanded that I open my eyes, and I’d shaken in fear.

He sniffed the air, giving me again that soft look. It was a look of difference, him waiting for me to move forward.

Now, he didn’t demand anything. Even his hands seemed cautious, afraid to close too tightly, as if doing so would force me through his fingers. My shivers slowed, and his eyes seemed, was it too far to say, reassuring?

“They did,” I said in a whisper. I relaxed the tension in my shoulders and slumped against the wall. His hair was getting too long now. The black strands fell over his face and moved when he breathed. His jaw was still clenched tight.

“Why can’t you come back with me, Rose?” he asked, voice just as soft as mine.

“Because they’re involved, Vrees,” I told him. As I spoke, my voice grew surer, if not louder. “They knew I was a shifter, they recognized me. And because I was never meant to be an Omega. I have to find out why.”

He nodded, jaw unclenching in what I knew was a forced calming motion. He lightly let go of my arms, just as lightly as he’d held them.

“And I’ll help however you’ll let me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the final chapter guys! It might seem to cut off abruptly, but at the time I felt it was somewhat of a natural stopping point. Rose will go on to study magic and figure out what happened to her. Vrees will go on to work on being a better person. They'll try to support each other, as friends or otherwise, as much as they can. Baby me will go on to realize I have repressed memories and that this story helped me to get to them, haha. At the time, this was the longest story I'd written. And it was an almost 70,000 word doozy. Like holy fuck. If I'd gone any further it would've been two books, so I guess this is just the first book in a trilogy that will never get a sequel. I hope you all enjoyed reading and leave a comment about what you thought. Also, if anyone's interested in beta'ing future work by me, let me know. Be well, y'all.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment on my shame!


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